Porn Addiction Relapse & Recognizing Triggers

Top 5 Causes of Addiction Relapse

There are a million reasons why someone relapses, but addiction specialists agree that avoiding triggers-the situations and emotions that make drugs attractive-is half the battle. According to Elizabeth Hartney, a leading addiction specialist, the top 5 reasons that those struggling with addiction relapse are:

1. Stress: Stress is one of the top causes of relapse. While one can’t avoid all forms of stress, making lifestyle, relationship, and priority changes can help the recovering addict to avoid situations that spark tension and other negative emotions associated with relapse.
2. People or Places Connected to the Addictive Behavior: Being around people and places associated with one’s addiction can often push a person to relapse. For example, going back to a favorite bar may tempt an individual to pick up the bottle again. It’s better to avoid these temptations, especially in the early phases of recovery.
3. Negative or Challenging Emotions: While negative emotions are a normal part of life, those struggling with addiction often cite frustration, anger, anxiety, and loneliness, as triggers for relapse. Therefore, usually as a part of therapy, it’s essential to develop effective ways of managing, these feelings.
4. Seeing or Sensing the Object of Your Addiction: In recovery, even a slight reminder of the object of the addiction, such as seeing a portrayal of addictive behavior on television, can lead to relapse. While it is impossible to avoid such reminders forever, developing skills for managing any urges or cravings can aid in preventing relapse.
5. Times of Celebration: Most situations that can trigger relapse are perceived as negative. However, sometimes positive situations such as times of celebration, where alcohol or drugs are present, are just as risky. Avoiding such events or bringing along a trusted friend can assist in preventing relapse.

While relapse may happen for some and not others, it’s important to remember that relapse does not mean failure. Recovering from addiction is a life-long process of hard work and dedication to one’s program and recovery path.

Recognizing Triggers

An easy way to look at triggers is to think of them as synonymous with temptation. While you may not always be able to control whether you experience a trigger or a tempting thought, you do have power over whether you succumb to them. In other words, just because you’re tempted to do something you know is bad for your sobriety doesn’t mean you’ll blindly follow through on the urge. Learning to trust your ability to say no and surrounding yourself with people and situations that support you help to build the “muscle” of sobriety.

Triggers can include people, places and things; in general, anything that you associate with substance abuse and/or the compulsive behavior can be a trigger. This can include seeing or hearing something on TV about drinking or gambling; the sound of ice cubes hitting a glass as a family member gets ready to pour a refreshing soda; the smell of pot at a public venue; being around too many people, or being alone; not taking your medication and many, many more sights, smells, sounds, tastes, words, music — the list of possible triggers can seem endless sometimes.

Many self-help support groups use the acronym “H.A.L.T.” to describe certain triggers. The letters stand for Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired; for many, these are common situations that make it more likely you’ll use or drink.

What serves as a trigger for you may be completely different for someone else. However, these are some common triggers, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

• The anniversary dates of losses or trauma
• Frightening news events
• Too much to do; feeling overwhelmed
• Family friction
• The end of a relationship
• Spending too much time alone
• Being judged, criticized, teased or put down
• Financial problems; getting a big bill
• Physical illness
• Sexual harassment
• Being yelled at
• Aggressive-sounding noises or exposure to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable
• Being around someone who has treated you badly
• Certain smells, tastes or noises that remind you of your drug of choice

Once you’ve learned to identify your triggers, you can take the proper steps to deal with them effectively. For some, it helps to keep a list of coping techniques that have worked in the past — such as going for a run, calling a close friend or your sponsor, or “urge surfing”(imagine yourself as a surfer who will ride the urge, staying on top of it until it crests, breaks and turns into less powerful, foamy surf) — along with how you felt after afterward. For example, remembering the good feeling of exhaustion and inner quiet after a long run, or the sense of pride and power you felt after riding out the urge. It’s also important to keep a list of people you can call if triggers become overwhelming. That human connection in the moment may be enough to give you the support and encouragement you need to get through without giving in to the trigger.

And remember to share what you’ve learned with others in self-help support groups or group therapy. There’s great collective wisdom in the rooms of recovery and many opportunities to provide and receive suggestions for excellent coping techniques for triggers.

Signs You’re About to Relapse

 

How do I know if I’m slipping? If you’re asking yourself this question, it could be that you already suspect your recovery might be in jeopardy. Or you might just be a bit cautious. Either way, knowing the signs of relapse can give you the time to take proactive steps to avoid slipping back into using.
Here are 10 common signs of an impending relapse; you don’t need to experience all of them to be at risk. For some, a single trigger can signal relapse is on the way. The key is learning how to recognize the warnings and reaching out for support at the first sign of trouble.

10 Warning Signs of Relapse

1. Negative thinking. You find yourself regarding daily life as bleak and the tasks you need to do as burdensome. You feel like you have a great weight on your shoulders. Increasing feelings of hopelessness or negativity should alert you that you could be in danger of relapsing.
2. Easily angered or annoyed. It’s as if your nerves are on hair-trigger sensitive. You become mad, even furious, often without warning and increasingly over small things. This isn’t like you, but you can’t seem to pull out of it. Getting into arguments with loved ones and family members more frequently is another clear sign that you could be on the verge of relapse.
3. Complacency or overconfidence. After being in recovery for a while, it starts to seem like you’ve got it all down. You know what to do and begin to feel like you can handle any situation. As a result, you may let some of your regular recovery to-do items slide, for example, attending 12-step meetings or practicing self-care habits like healthy eating or exercising. If you find yourself becoming complacent or overly confident about your sobriety, you may need to reassess and reinvest in your recovery program.
4. Increased stress. Without the comfortable crutch of alcohol, drugs or a problematic behavior to smooth over daily aggravations or unexpected situations, you may find your stress level is at the breaking point. Worries about finances, performance at work and how your recovery may be affecting your loved ones can all take a dramatic toll, wearing you down and increasing the likelihood of relapse.
5. Skipping meetings. Not everyone needs to attend self-help support group meetings as part of their recovery. But if you’ve been in recovery for a period of time and you have found meetings helpful, after a while it may begin to seem tedious and unnecessary to keep going. Maybe you feel that you don’t need the regularity of meetings to keep you on course and that you’re perfectly fine on your own. That may in fact be true, but it’s worth paying attention to this tendency, as some may find it’s a short distance from cutting back or skipping recovery meetings to sliding into relapse.
6. Putting yourself in risky situations. If you find that you’re going back to your old haunts and hanging out with friends you used to use with, that’s a precarious situation — and one likely full of old triggers. So guard against thoughts of revisiting the people, places and things you associate with using.
7. Denial. Questioning whether you ever really had a problem or denying to others that you have a problem are both signs that you could be in danger of relapse. If others notice and comment on a difference in you, yet you continue to insist that you’re on top of your recovery, it may be time to slow down and reflect before you slip back into addictive patterns.
8. Isolation. Holing up in the house, refusing to see friends and keeping your distance from family members are troublesome signs of relapse. When you’re in recovery, you need sober, supportive people in your life who reinforce this positive path you’re taking. If you feel depressed, disheartened or angry or alone, instead of sitting home and feeling miserable, get out and surround yourself with people (or at least one person) you trust and with whom you can share some time, even if you’re not ready to open up about how you’re feeling.
9. Loss of interest in family, friends and activities. When problems start to mount and you feel like everything’s about to come crashing down on you, you may notice in yourself a tendency to withdraw from people and activities you once enjoyed. To safeguard your hard-won recovery, it’s important to talk about what’s bothering you, either with a trusted loved one, your sponsor, your therapist or counselor or a member of the clergy.
10. Losing hope. When life looks completely black and you feel a sense of hopelessness and despair, this is a critical warning sign of impending relapse. Take such feelings seriously and get help right away.

 Source: Internet

 

12-Week Porn Addiction Withdrawal Walkthrough

 Source

 Do you feel worse now that you’ve stopped looking at porn?

Knowing what to expect when you’re going through porn addiction withdrawal is crucial to fighting temptation. When you understand what your body is going to throw at you, it’s a lot easier to say, “This is normal and I just have to get through it.”

If you know anyone who’s ever tried to quit smoking, these withdrawal symptoms will look pretty familiar. Studies have shown that withdrawal from porn and masturbation is just as severe as withdrawal from heroin or cocaine.

As you continue reading, you’ll get a day-by-day walk-through of the most common stages of porn addiction withdrawal.

1 to 7 Days Without Porn

The first thing that happens when you quit is that your Dopamine levels take a nose-dive. As you learned about in the Porn Addiction Symptoms article, Dopamine is the chemical your brain surges into your system every time you look at porn.

In these first few days, your brain is literally in shock.

Many men start experiencing these withdrawal symptoms within 48 hours of quitting:

• Grumpiness – Every little thing will irritate you. For me, I became extremely cynical about everything around me.
• Mood swings – As your brain tries to rebalance itself, you’ll feel like a teenage girl having her first period… Happy one minute and on the verge of tears the next. Seriously.
• Headaches – I didn’t ever experience intense migraines like some men report, but I did get subtle pressure headaches that lasted for hours at a time.
• Anxiety – Some men have legitimate panic attacks, but I experienced this more as a general feeling of stress. From the first three days for the next three months, I always felt like I had way too much to do.
• Pornographic Thoughts – Temptation during the first week is extremely intense. This is because your last pornographic experience is still fresh on your mind. We’ll talk more about this below.

The Seven-Day Craving

Can you quit looking at porn for an entire week?

For most men reading this, the answer is no. The classic test of addiction is whether or not you can make it a full seven days without even looking at porn. That’s because of the Seven-Day Craving, a classic pitfall for first-time quitters.

The Seven-Day Craving is exactly what it sounds like… You’ll usually experience very intense cravings around Day 7 without looking at porn. For some men, you’ll get your 7-Day Craving at Day 21. For some men, it’ll come at Day 5 and last ‘til Day 10.

Read more: [How to resist temptation to look at porn.]

1 to 3 Weeks Without Porn

Congratulations! You made it past the first week. You’ve still got a long road ahead of you, but you should still pat yourself on the back for making it this far.

These are the most common symptoms men report after the initial one-week hump:

• Zombie-like State – Because your brain has been deprived of its regular Dopamine highs, it’s common for abstainers to enter a sluggish, zombie-like state. Expect low energy levels to last anywhere from two weeks to two months.
• Unable to Focus – I could not work efficiently in the first few weeks after I quit. The constant fatigue somehow made me feel restless, and things that normally took 30 minutes were now taking an hour. I had no motivation and no focus.
• Social Awkwardness – It’s hard to accurately describe this symptom, but many men echoed that they felt awkward or exposed in social settings. It feels like you constantly have your foot in your mouth.
• Low Sex Drive – You might expect your sex drive to be bursting at the seams after going without porn for a week or two, but many men report the exact opposite. Although porn will still ignite temptation when you think about it, any other sexual activity may not sound appealing while your brain reboots.
• Loneliness – This website is mostly tailored towards married men, but you single men especially will have trouble with this one. You’ll experience loneliness, and you’ll want to escape it with porn. Don’t give in!

4 to 8 Weeks Without Porn

28 days without any porn or masturbation is when about 50% of men start feeling the initial porn addiction withdrawals start to go away.

For the rest of you, keep going, you’re relief is just a few weeks away!

Heavily addicted men will probably need another month or two. Even if you still struggle with withdrawal symptoms, by now you’ve at least gotten used to going through each day without porn. Looking at it is no longer a habit.

Here’s what’s happening in your brain right now:

The “layers” of addicting Delta Fos-B which built up in your brain due to repeated Dopamine overdosing are starting to disintegrate. Your brain is it essentially re-wiring itself to function with normal levels of Dopamine.

Here are some specific withdrawals to look out for from days 30 to 60:

• Random Temptation – There have been so many times that I’ve made it to four or five weeks without looking at porn, only to have a single bad day that sent me hurtling back into relapse.
• Bursts of Overwhelming Emotion – You may be reading a book, looking out the window or lying in bed when suddenly you feel yourself tearing up about nothing in particular.
• Insomnia – Men who were heavily addicted to porn for a long time are the most likely to experience insomnia in this stage of recovery. Insomnia due to withdrawal is nearly impossible to treat, and over-the-counter sleep aids probably won’t do much to help.
• Depression – Again, not all men will suffer from depression, and some may experience it much earlier in the withdrawal process. It’s not uncommon for this depression to last several weeks, but it always goes away eventually.

2 Months & Beyond

If you’ve made it two solid months without looking at porn at all, then you’re starting to notice some definite improvements in your life.

• You’re starting to feel happier
• Your sex drive is coming back in a healthy way
• You have more energy and focus than ever before
• Your marriage actually feels fulfilling and your wife looks gorgeous

The longest that I’ve ever heard porn addiction withdrawal symptoms last without any relapse is seven months. That was in a 45 year-old man who’d been looking at porn multiple times a day for thirty years.

For me, four months without porn was the turning point for my withdrawal symptoms, but it took me two miserable years to get there.

That’s why there’s one thing that you absolutely must remember at all times:

Never
Ever
Let Your Guard Down

Temptation could come at any turn, and years down the road you may still face a spark of temptation every now and then. But if you can keep yourself away from porn without any relapse for a full two months, I guarantee you’ll start noticing some changes.

 The Dangers of Pornography!

Porn Will Violate Your Soul + Illustrated + Dont give up avoiding+

9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

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In almost all of the separations, affairs and divorces I’ve seen in my years running Husband Help Haven, at least one of these 9 'things' is missing from the marriage.

Too many men today have forgotten what it means to be a husband. We’ve forgotten our duties as the head of the family.Today, you’re going to get a clear-as-day reminder. Every marriage is different, yes, but ultimately there are some things that EVERY wife needs from her husband. As you read through each ‘thing’, I want you to ask yourself, “Does my wife get this from me?” If not, the time to change is now. Let’s get started.

1. Every Wife Needs SECURITY From Her Husband

To give your wife security means that you give her confidence in the future.

A guy emailed me a couple weeks ago with a heartbreaking story.

He had lost his job about 6 months ago. When he emailed me, his family’s bank account was almost empty and his wife had told him that if he didn’t find a way to make ends meet by the end of the month, she was going to walk out the door with their daughter and never come back.

Ouch.

Sounds harsh, right?

But, it’s not really that surprising. She’d been working a crummy minimum wage job to support the family, and after six months, she had officially lost faith in her husband and his ability to keep the family stable.

She lost confidence in his ability to provide a stable home for the family both now and in the future, and so she wanted out. Every wife craves a feeling of security from her husband. Since the beginning of time, man has provided and protected his family. A husband needs to give his wife that feeling of stability; no matter what happens, she needs to know he’s going to make everything okay.

What If Your Wife Is the Primary Income Earner?

This need for security does NOT mean you have to be the breadwinner. But it does mean that your wife needs to be able to trust that YOU are going to make sure the family is provided for, protected and looked after.

Your wife needs to trust that if, God forbid, someone would lose their job or get injured and be unable to work, that the family would not be doomed to financial ruin. If you’re NOT the breadwinner, you must be on top of financial planning. You need to make sure that the money your wife makes is being used wisely, and that you won’t be out on the streets if she loses her job.

2. Every Wife Needs CONTENTMENT From Her Marriage

Your wife needs to feel that her life inside the marriage is both enjoyable and worthwhile.

How do you do that? How do you create that feeling for your wife? It’s easy…

YOU have to genuinely believe the life you’re living is enjoyable and worthwhile!

You should enjoy your marriage as much as this guy enjoys cowboy hats!

When YOU are content with your marriage and your family, your WIFE will be much more likely to feel the same way. This means you should actively enjoy the time you spend with your wife. Be engaged with her and your kids, if you’ve got any. Look forward to the time you spend with your family.

When you’re home with them, don’t go into “bored mode” where you’re basically just trying to pass time until you get to do something you want to do, like watch TV or hop on the computer. And, don’t ever let yourself dread the time you spend with your family as just one more obligation… Your wife will be able to feel the moment you let yourself start thinking that way.

This Is ESPECIALLY Important If You're In Your Late 30's or 40's

Why?

Because this age-range is prime time for a midlife crisis.

And, since a midlife crisis is always rooted in unfulfillment, one of the best ways to combat, or better yet, prevent it is by leading the way in contentment. I have NEVER seen a wife fall into a midlife crisis when she felt content and fulfilled in the marriage.

3. Every Wife Wants to Feel PRIDE in Her Husband (and Family!)

Every little girl dreams of marrying a prince.
Every wife wants to know she married a great, worthy husband.

Your wife wants to be proud of her family. She wants to be proud of her husband, the man she has committed her life to.

And why wouldn’t she?

When you’re married, two become one. If your wife can be proud of you, then that means that she can be proud of herself. When she can be proud of her marriage, this helps her feel all the other things listed in this article!

Obviously, every husband has his flaws...

But, you don’t have to be perfect for your wife to be proud of the man she married. You just have to do the things that a husband is supposed to do! The good news is that it’s easier to stand out as a great husband today than it’s ever been, simply because so few men today have any idea what it means to lead in marriage.

It’s sad, but true.

By showing your wife that you’re one of the rare breed of men are capable of going above and beyond for their marriage and family, you WILL stand out, and she WILL be proud of you. It’s not rocket science!

4. Every Wife Needs SUPPORT From Her Husband

She can count on you to be the one always standing in her corner.

Your wife needs to know that you are always on her side.

She needs to know that you’ve got her back.

She needs you to be the shoulder she can lean on when times get tough.

This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on every single decision in the marriage. The type of support we’re talking about here is not necessarily for things INSIDE the marriage relationship, but for things OUTSIDE it.

For example...

• If your wife has an extremely stressful day at work, she needs to be able to come home and know that you will care about her day.
• If your wife is feeling overwhelmed with parenting, she needs to be able to trust that you can relieve her.
• If your wife gets into a big disagreement with one of her friends or relatives, she needs to know that you will be on her side.

Basically, your wife needs to know that you’re always going to be there to support her and hear her out. Whatever trials she ever faces in her life, she needs to feel like you are the foundation on which she can stand when everything else is falling apart.

5. Every Wife Needs FRIENDSHIP From Her Husband

Every wife should enjoy spending time with her husband.

A friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with. Ideally, husband and wife are each other’s best friend!

This means the alone time you get with your wife should not be centered only on the bedroom, or talking about family duties.

Of course, life is busy and especially if you have kids, a lot of alone time you and your wife get is going to be devoted to them. But, not ALL of it.

You and your wife should be able to spend time together as friends too, whether that means shooting the breeze together or doing something that you both enjoy.

6. Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Make Her Feel BEAUTIFUL

Every woman wants to feel beautiful.
It's your job to make your wife feel like a catch!

Again, there is something primal about this, because truly every woman wants to feel beautiful. In fact, you could argue that  every woman believes they ARE beautiful, and they want the man they married to recognize it.

Unfortunately, many women (and men) struggle with self-confidence about their looks. It is your job to combat that little voice inside your wife that tells her she’s not beautiful.

She needs to know that you count yourself extremely lucky to have her as your wife; you need to make her feel like the amazing catch that she is!

But!

Remember that beauty is more than just outward appearance.

Make sure you appreciate the physical, intellectual and spiritual beauty of your wife, and make sure she knows it!

This doesn’t just have to be something you do with words… Your actions can communicate how beautiful you find your wife too. If your wife’s love language is NOT words of affirmation, then get creative!

The important thing is that your wife gets that feeling of beauty from you, one way or another.

7. Every Wife Needs INTIMACY From Her Husband

Every woman needs that indescribable feeling of closeness from her husband.

Just to be clear, when I say intimacy, I’m NOT just talking about sex.

Intimacy is that feeling of closeness that a man and woman are meant to experience inside of a marriage. True intimacy is the manifestation of deep love between two people, and it doesn’t always have to be physical. Giving your wife intimacy is about the feeling you create for her, not the physical actions that you do.

Yes, intimacy DOES include sex. When you have sex with your wife, you should get that feeling of closeness, coziness, of unbridled love. But, sex isn’t the only form of intimacy.

Here are some other ways to create and maintain intimacy:

• You can create intimacy for your wife through non-sexual physical affection.
• You can give her that feeling of intimacy by understanding her as a person; show her that you understand her goals, her wants, or even her peeves.
• You can create that feeling of intimacy by engaging her on an intellectual level; by challenging her and/or talking to her about something she has deep knowledge of.
• Or, you can create that feeling on a spiritual level… One of the ways my wife and I stay intimate is by praying together every night WITHOUT our daughter. This time is husband-wife time, not parent time.

8. Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Step Up as a FATHER

You need to be more than just the leader of your marriage; you need to be the leader of your family!

We have a severe father problem in our society today.

Way too many kids are growing up without a proper father figure. Many kids grow up without any father at all.

For many of you, your own lack of male role models growing up is a big reason that you’re here on this site!

If you want your kids to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage when they grow up, then you MUST take your job as father seriously.

But, it’s not just your kids that need you to be the father of the family… Your wife does too! She needs you to not only be her leader, but leader to your children too.

How to S.P.E.L.L. Fatherhood

In Manly Marriage Revival, I give you an acronym to help you remember your responsibilities as father. The acronym is SPELL:

Strong – Always remain positive, confident and respectful in front of your kids. When you make decisions as a father, stand firm in them. When you say yes, it means yes. When you say no, it means no. You are “the Dad”.

Present – You are there for your kids. You get lots of face time with them.

But, remember that being present is about more than just physically being around your kids… A father must be present mentally and emotionally too. When you’re spending time with your kids, they get your full attention. Reinforce that they’re worthy of attention.

Encouraging – A good father is constantly uplifting his kids. He wants them to be confident. He wants to be a constant source of positivity. He isn’t cynical or negative.

Always look for opportunities to encourage your children… And not just generic encouragement like “Great job!” or “You did awesome!” Look for specific ways to praise your children.

Loving – Pretty straightforward one here… A father loves his kids and his kids know that he loves them. This is communicated through both words and actions.

Leader – Finally, a good father leads his family, and his kids see him as the family’s leader.

If you can hit all five of these, I can virtually guarantee you that your marriage will improve. When you're ACTIVE as a father, your wife will find you ATTRACTIVE as a husband.

9. Every Wife Needs LEADERSHIP From Her Husband

This is what it all comes down to.

Your wife NEEDS you to be a leader.

And not a leader in the traditional “alpha male” sense of the word...

She needs you to be a servant-leader… The type of leader who takes his job so seriously that he makes sacrifices for the benefit of those he serves.

This isn’t begging. This isn’t submission. Those two things are borne out of weakness and self-interest.

True husbandly leadership is borne out of strength, humility and, above all, love. This is the true meaning of husbandly leadership.

She needs to know that she can count on you to see the family to their betterment; a leader puts the cause (in this case, the family) ahead of himself, and that’s what you need to do for your wife. Your wife needs a leader in her marriage. Even if she doesn’t know it. Even if she doesn’t want it. She needs it, and she will love it once she sees it.

How many of these 9 things are you providing for your wife?

Which ones do you need to work on?

If you want to get a head start on giving your wife each of these 9 things in your marriage, then be sure to check out the free PDF workbook that goes along with this post:?

Free Bonus:  Click here to get access to a free PDF workbook to help you improve each of these these 9 'things' in your marriage, plus more manly marriage advice!

And, let’s take it a step further…

Can you think of anything else that every wife needs from her husband? Let me know!

Much manly love,
- Jacob

Advice For Men- How To Keep A Women Happy