The Husband's Right to Sexual Relations

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THE HUSBAND'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS

A man is entitled to have sex with his wife whenever he is desirous of it, and it is her religious duty to make herself available to him. Failing to do so without a valid excuse is a major sin, and this is emphasised in many hadiths: Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

''When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps being angry, the angels curse her until morning." 

(Sahih al-Bukhan 3065 & Sahih Muslim 1436, the wording is of Muslim)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"By the One in Whose hands is my life, there is not a man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with her."

 (Sahih Muslim 1436)

Such is the emphasis on this command that even if the wife happens to be busy when her husband calls her, she must leave everything and respond to his call. Sayyiduna Talq ibn 'Ali (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"When a man calls his wife for the fulfilment of his sexual need, she must come, even if she is [busy] in the cooking area."  

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1160)

The prophetic narrations above, and others, clearly illustrate the importance of obedience to a husband's request for sexual relations. It is a grave sin, in normal circumstances, for the wife to refuse her husband, and even more so if her refusal leads to the husband committing an unlawful act.

Imam Nawawi states in his commentary of the hadith related by Abu Hurayra (r) quoted earlier: 'This hadith indicates that it is unlawful (haram) for the wife to refuse her husband sexual relations without a valid reason. Menstruation is not considered a valid reason, since the husband has a right to enjoy her from above the garment [i.e. with her clothes acting as a barrier]." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 1 o84)

It was in this context that the Messenger of Allah (s) instructed women to seek permission from their husbands before observing a voluntary fast, since the husband may desire to fulfil his sexual needs whilst she is fasting. He (s) said:

"A woman must not fast [i.e. optional fasts] whilst her husband is staying with her except with his permission." 

(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 4896)

Two points, however, are worth considering here:

Firstly, the husband's right to demand sex does not mean that he is allowed to force himself violently over his wife for sexual gratification. The hadith mention the husband "sleeping in a state of anger" and "being displeased" demonstrating the fact that the husband should restrain himself from forcing himself aggressively over her and hurting her. Had this been allowed, surely the Messenger of Allah (s) would have permitted it for the husband.

Secondly, the wife's duty to make herself available applies in normal situations when there is no Shari'a-countenaced impediment or when she does not have a valid excuse. The wife is required to obey her husband as long as she does not have to forgo her own rights. As such, the various hadiths are an admonition for women who use sex as a weapon against their husbands.

However, if the wife is menstruating or has postnatal bleeding, she is ill, physically unable to have sex, exhausted, emotionally drained or sexual activity is detrimental to her well-being, then she no longer is obligated to comply with her husband's demands for sex. Rather, the husband is required to show her sympathy by understanding that she may be unable to have sex. But, simply "not feeling up to it" is not a justified reason. Allah Most High says:

"On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear." (Qur'an 2:286)

It is often observed that a husband will demand his wife to fulfil his sexual needs, disregarding the fact that she is extremely ill and not physically capable of having sex. Some threaten their wives with divorce, and support their behaviour by quoting the above hadith. It is important to understand that if the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activity and has a genuine and Islamically valid reason, but the husband forces her, then he will be sinful. Muslim husbands need to realise that their wives are also human beings, and not machines that can be switched on and off whenever they desire!

Ultimately, these matters are best resolved through mutual understanding, regard for one another, love, gentleness and putting one's spouse before oneself. The Messenger of Allah (s) said, "None of you can be a [true] believer until they love for their brother what they love for themselves" (Sahih Muslim 45). The importance of this concept becomes even greater in a marital relationship.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

ARE YOU THE HUSBAND ALLAH (SWT) DESCRIBES?

The Difference Between The Two Whisperings - Mankind and Satan

The Difference Between The Two Whisperings

To know who is whispering to you, see if the one whispering only wishes that you fall into sin, regardless of what it is; if so then it is the devil, but if there is insistence on a certain sin you got used to, then it is from your self.

Satan always sneaks through the doors where there is weakness in abidance by the doctrine; if he finds man unyielding to temptation in a certain aspect, he finds his way through another aspect where man shows weakness. Hence, if man for instance adheres fast to praying, performing them at their due prescribed times, Satan creeps into him from the door of money, whispering to him not to pay the Zakah (Obligatory Charity), to be tightfisted, and to eat up other people’s money unjustly, deluding him into thinking that by such a way he would be rich, his money would grow, and he would be safely away from poverty. But the truth is otherwise, as the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:

“Never would wealth decrease because of charity”,

because it is charity which makes money grow, and place the Blessings of Allah in it so that it increases. Wealth belongs to Allah, and we all leave it behind us upon departing from this worldly life, but the unbeliever is unaware of such a truth.

Hence, when Satan finds a man, who strictly guards the performance of prayers but loves money, he approaches him from this side, by stopping him from giving in charity, and all sorts of benevolent acts. Then, he starts to allure him with ill-gotten money, so sins starts to weave their threads around his heart little by little, till it smothers his heart wholly, preventing him from remembering Allah.

Little things that man can give thanks for is better than plenty that man can not tolerate, for the devil may exploit the love of money within the heart of one of the servants of Allah to shun him away from obedience and the Law of Allah, thus he may abstain from paying Zakah (Obligatory Charity) driving him into sinning, and ingratitude. Allah, all praise and glory is to Him, says (which means):

“And among them are those who made a covenant with Allah, [saying], ‘If He should give us from His bounty, we will surely spend in charity, and we will surely be among the righteous.’ But when he gave them from His bounty, they were stingy with it and turned away while they refused. So He penalized them with hypocrisy in their hearts until the Day they will meet Him – because they failed Allah in what they promised Him and because they [habitually] used to lie.” (At-Tawbah, 9: 75-77)

There are many examples for satanic ways, for he searches for the weak points in man in order to penetrate to him through them. His endeavors never abate, till he entraps man in his snares and drives him out of the Doctrine of Allah.

Source: (Book) Mankind and Satan

CHAPTER TWO - THE SIN OF SATAN - Mankind and Satan

Chapter Two

The Sin of Satan

Before relating the story of Satan’s hostility against Adam (peace be upon him) and his offspring, and how he whispers evil to them and lures them into sin, we have to study in depth the sin of Satan, that sin that incurred upon him the Curse of Allah till the Day of Judgment. 

When Satan refused to obey Allah’s Command of prostrating to Adam (peace be upon him) he never tried to repent or revert to truth. He never said, “O Lord, Your Word is the Truth and Your Command is the Truth, but O Lord I could not subdue myself, so please forgive me” , he did not awake and fell down prostrating, but pride filled him and he persisted in sin. Allah, all glory is to Him, narrates to us in the Noble Qur’an what means:

“[Allah] said, ‘What prevented you from prostrating when I commanded you?’ [Satan] said, ‘I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from clay.’”(Al-A‘râf, 7: 12)

Thus, he rejected the Command of Allah, all praise and glory is to Him. As if Allah, The Exalted and Ever-Majestic, forgot that He created jinn from fire and mankind from clay! That was enough to cast Satan out of Allah’s Mercy and out of the place wherein he lived together with the angels. Concerning this Allah, all praise and glory is to Him, says what means:

“[Allah] said, ‘Descend from it, for it is not for you to be arrogant therein. So get out; indeed, you are of the debased.’” (Al-A‘râf, 7: 13)

The Command: “Descend” signifies that Satan was at a high honorary place before sin, for getting down can only be from a place high to one that is low.

Some people think of descent only in terms of distance, but it can also signifies a moral fall. For example, if man is a chief or a ruler and then he is expelled from his position, he will sink in estimation, though still living in his same house. In other words he did not fall down from a place high to one low with regard to distance, but he sank into a state of disgrace, and after once enjoying an honorary status he is now worth nothing.

Also, falling down can be in appreciation. As when you believe that someone is a highly esteemed person, you see him respectable and truthful, but suddenly he commits an offense that makes him sink in your estimation. Thus, you no longer respect or esteem him. 

Thus, descent is not necessarily physical, in terms of distance, but can also be a fall in value and status. Therefore Satan did not necessarily live at paradise or a high place in heaven and then he descended from it as some interpreters say but it is possible that it was a moral fall by becoming worth nothing. A depreciation of rank for he no longer deserved to be present among the angels; he lived among them because he abided by obedience, while having the free will to obey or disobey. But when he forsook that attribute he no longer merited such an honorary status, because angels do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. (At-Tahrîm, 66: 6). Therefore, “Descend” signifies and indicates that the fall is moral, meaning that he is unworthy of this high status or rank, then followed the Command of “Get out” of the place itself. 

Source: (Book) Mankind and Satan