Warning - Contents may have images/information that some viewers may find disturbing. Proceed with caution. One of the principles of sharee’ah (law) is that whatever leads to haraam deeds is itself haraam, so everything that leads to the provocation of haraam desires is haraam, because it may lead to a person falling into evil things. If you feel erotic while reading the post, please leave/close the page.
Allah Most High has made the
husband and wife garments for one another, for He Most High says:
"It is made lawful for you, in the
nights of fasts, to have sex with your women. They are your garments and you
are their garments ...”
(Qur'an 2:187)
It is known that if a garment
is not long, complete or loose-fitting, and not free of holes and tears, it is
not fit to cover one's nakedness. In a similar manner, the spouses are garments
for one another, and if they fail to conceal each other's secrets, they will
not be fulfilling their duties. Marital relationships are based on trust and
secrecy, and as such, each spouse is duty-bound to conceal matters that are
revealed to them by their spouse under this trust.
Concealing secrets is more
important when it comes to intimate issues. It is categorically forbidden (haram) for the husband and wife to reveal their sexual
secrets to others. It is a shameful and sinful practice that has been emphatically
condemned by the Messenger of Allah (sa). SayyidunaAba Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret."
(Sahih Muslim 1437)
The warning against revealing
sexual secrets is not only for men, but rather it includes women too. It is
unlawful to discuss with others what takes place in the bedroom. Sexual matters
are private and must remain that way. Sharing them brings such thoughts to the
minds of others, potentially leading to fornication of the heart. It is also a
means of harming one's spouse, as he or she would not want details of their sexual
behaviour revealed to others.
''We, as men and women, were
sitting in the company of the Messenger of Allah (sa). The Messenger of Allah (sa) said, "May a man be talking [with others] about what goes on
between him and his wife, and may a woman be talking [with others] about what
she does with her husband?" The people remained quiet and did not answer.
So I said, ''Yes, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! The men do that, and the
women do that too." He said, "Do not do that, because doing that is
like a male devil (shaytan) meeting a female devil (shaytana) in
the middle of a road, and having sex with her whilst people are watching."
(Al-Mu'jam al-Kalar of Tabarani 24: 162-163. A similar report is
recorded in Sunan Abi Dawud and Musnad Ahmad)
A tendency exists in some
people to relate graphic details of their sexual encounters to friends. Some
men boast about their performance in bed and what their wives do with them,
whilst some women enjoy boasting about their sexual relationship with their
husbands. The above hadiths should suffice in deterring such people. They
should realize that they are answerable to Allah Most High on the Day of
judgement, and must completely shun such shameless behaviour. This prohibition
of revealing intimate secrets pertains to normal situations. However, if there
is a genuine need to discuss one's marital affairs, such as when seeking
religious guidance or counselling, or when one is a victim of injustice and is
complaining to those in authority, then the prohibition is suspended. However,
in this case too, graphic details that do not need to be mentioned must not be
disclosed. (See: Al-Minhaj Shari} Sahih Muslim, commentary on hadith
1437)
One of the etiquettes of sexual
relations is to cover up or put away copies of the Qur'an, verses of the Qur'an
hanging on the wall and other Islamic literature such as hadith collections
and books consisting of invocations (du' a and adhkar), if
possible, without undue hardship.
There is no sin, however, for
not doing so.
Imam Haskafi states in his Al-Durr
al-Mukhtar, 'There is nothing wrong with having sex in a room in which
there is a copy of the Qur'an, because it is generally difficult to
avoid." In his commentary of the above text, Ibn 'Abidin states, however, that
it is superior to cover up the Qur'an. (Radd al-Mu/J,tar 'ala
'l-Durral-Mukhtar 6:42 3)
3) Reciting the Supplication (du'a)
One of the objectives of sexual
relations is to produce pious and righteous offspring. As such, it is important
that the couple supplicate to Allah Most High before commencing sex, asking Him
to keep Satan away from themselves and their potential offspring. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"When approaching one's
spouse, if one says, "In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan
and protect what you grant us [i.e. the coming offspring] from Satan" then
if it is destined that they have a child from that intercourse, Satan will
never be able to harm it."
(Sahih
al-Bukhar'i 141 & Sahih Muslim 1434, the wording is of Muslim)
Thus, it is recommended prior
to penetration for both spouses to first pronounce the name of Allah Most High
saying: (Transliteration)
Bismillah
In the name of Allah
Or
Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
In the name of Allah, Most
Compassionate, Most Merciful.
Thereafter, recite the
following supplication:
Allahumma jannibnash-shaytan,
wa jannibish-shaytana ma razaqtana
O Allah! Protect us from Satan
and protect what you grant us from Satan.
It is important to recite the
above-mentioned supplication (du'a), since firstly, it is from the
guidance given to us by the Messenger of Allah (sa) and secondly, one's potential
offspring may not be saved from the evils of Satan if the Du' a is
disregarded.
4) Avoiding Facing the Qibla
One of the etiquettes of sexual
relations is to avoid facing the direction of the Qibla, because one's
nakedness is normally exposed in such a state. Imam Ibn 'Abidin of the Banafi
School, Imam Ghazali of the Shafi'i School and Imam Ibn Qudama of the Hanbali
School all mention that it is somewhat disliked (makruh tanz'ih) to
face the Qibla whilst having sex [although not sinful].
Imam Ibn Qudama states,
"One should not face the Qibla during sex, for Amr ibn Hazm and 'Ata' both
disliked it". (Al-Mughn'i 8:136, also see: Radd al-Muh,tar 1:341
and lthaf al-Sadat al-Muttaq'in bi Sharh Ihya" Ulilm al-D'in 6:1
74)
5) Talking During Sex
Talking during foreplay is not
only permitted, but rather encouraged, as outlined previously. It is
recommended that both spouses exchange kind words that express their love,
longing and desire for one another. There is nothing wrong even if both spouses
use sexually arousing language during foreplay, provided there is nothing
specifically wrong or sinful in the nature of their conversation and provided
others are not able to hear them, as discussed earlier.
As for talking during actual sexual penetration,
classical scholars generally state that it is disliked (makruh) to do
so excessively, because:
a) Sexual relations are based
on concealment;
b) The Messenger of Allah (sa)commanded for proper manners to be observed during
sex, whilst excessive talking is contrary to proper manners, and;
c) It is similar to when one is in the toilet or bathroom
where talking is Makruh due to one's nakedness being exposed. (See: Radd
al-Muhtar 6:418 & Al-Mughni 8:136)
Having said the above, the
renowned Hanafi jurist of recent times in the Subcontinent, Shaykh Mufti Muhammad
Shafi' (may Allah have mercy on him) states that talking during sex is disliked
when it is with others. As far as the couple talking with each other, there is nothing wrong
with that. (lmdad al-Muftin P: 1032)
ONCE A COUPLE spend sufficient
time in foreplay and feel they are ready, they may engage in actual sex and
penetration. There are many rules and etiquettes that need to be understood in
this regard.
1) Privacy
a) It is of extreme importance
that the spouses are alone when engaging in sexual relations. This is necessary
not only during actual intercourse but even during foreplay. The couple must
take means to ensure that they are away from the gazes of others, including
small children. Ibn al-Hajj al-Maliki mentions in his Al-Madkhal that
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r)would
even eject a small breast-feeding child from his room when intending to have
sex with his wife. Some scholars state that it is disliked to have even a cat
in the room when intending to engage in sexual relations. (Usul al-Mu'ashara
al-Zawjiyya P: 67)
In this regard, care must be
taken to close and lock the doors, so that no one is able to enter upon the
couple, even by mistake. The windows should be shut with the curtains drawn
properly, so that neighbours are unable to see in, even if inadvertently. This
is more important in a multistorey apartment complex or on a densely populated
street. Couples failing to give due importance to this will give others an
opportunity to see them engaging in sexual relations. This is a shameful and
sinful act that can never be allowed, as concealing one's nakedness in front of
others, especially when having sex, is an important obligation of Shari'a.
It is clear that there is no place for exhibitionism or
voyeurism in Islam. Some people derive pleasure from displaying their bodies or
their sexual acts in front of others. Islam completely rejects and condemns
such perverted practices of sexual gratification. As such, it is absolutely
unlawful and sinful to have sex in public places where there is a possibility
of being seen, such as in gardens, public parks, cars, beaches and patios or
balconies outside of apartment buildings. Sex in public is also against the law
in most countries, so not only would one be breaking the law of Allah, but also
the law of one's country and presenting oneself to disgrace and possible arrest
for indecent exposure.
b) The couple have to be
careful to conceal their act of sex so that others do not hear it. Imam Ghazali
records a hadith in his Ihya"Ulum al-Din: "The Messenger of Allah
(sa) would cover his head, lower his voice and say to his wife,
"Remain calm." Hafiz Zayn al-Din al-'Iraqi states that this hadith is reported by
Khatib al-Baghdadi from Umm Salama (r) with a weak chain of transmission. (See:
lthaf al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi Sharh lhya'' Ulum al-Din 6: 1 7 4)
As such, both the husband and
wife must avoid making any noise during sex that may be heard by others. It is
part of the etiquettes of sexual relations that the couple abstain from talking
excessively and making loud noises. This becomes even more important when there
may be others, such as parents, in the next room. Some couples do not care if
their family members or neighbours hear them having sex. Not only is this
sinful, but it also shows a lack of dignity. Couples who, despite trying, are
unable to control the noises they make during sex, should avoid making love
when others are close by. They should take means of going to a place where no
one is able to hear them. The jurists state that it is unlawful to have sex
even in the presence of a blind person, as he is able to hear them having sex.
(See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:208 and
Al-Mughni 8:135)
c) It is unlawful for a man who
has two wives to have sex with both of them simultaneously as a threesome, or
to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other, even if they both give
their consent to it. This is due to two reasons:
Firstly, it is impermissible
for a woman to look at the awra of another woman even if she is her
co-wife. The awra of a woman in front of other Muslim women is from her
navel up to and including her knees. (Al-Hidaya 4:461) The Messenger of Allah (sa) said in a hadith quoted earlier,
" ... and a woman should not look at the nakedness (awra) of another
woman" (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2793), without distinguishing between a
co-wife and another woman.
Secondly, sexual relations are
to be kept private between the two people involved. Islam prohibits the husband
and wife from discussing the details of their sexual behaviour with others. A hadith
in this regard was quoted earlier in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) said: 'The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret." (Sahih,
Muslim 1437)
Revealing the details of one's sexual behaviour could not be
more direct than actually having sex in front of another person. As such, this
practice is unlawful and sinful. This is
why it is stated in the Hanafi Fiqh reference work, Al-Fatawa al-Hind'iyya, "It is prohibitively disliked [i.e.
not permitted] to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other. So much
so that if the husband demands that she has sex with him [in
the other's presence], she does not have to make herself available, and by
refusing she is not considered a rebellious wife." (Al-Fatawa
al-Hindiyya 1:341)
Imam Ibn Qudama of the
Hanbali School states in his Al-Mughn'i, "If the two wives agree
that the husband have sex with one of them while the other watches, it is not
allowed, for this act is immoral, absurd and doing away with the sense of
honour (muru'a). As such, it is not permitted even with their
consent." (Al-Mughni 8:137. See also: Mughn'i al-Muhtaj 3:334
and Sharh al-Khursh'i 'ala Mukhtasr al-Khatil4:6)
d) As for having sex in front
of small children, if the child has reached an age of discernment (tamy'iz),
and so has the sense to comprehend what is taking place in front of him,
even if only partially, then it is prohibitively disliked and sinful for the
couple to have sex in his presence ( Radd al-Mu/J,tar 3:208).
Some Muslim couples are very
careless in this regard and display their sexual acts openly in front of their
young children and other family members. Islam is very clear when it comes to
public display of affection. It prohibits the display of intimacy and other sexual acts such as
kissing, hugging and caressing before others, including young children.
Allah Most High says:
"O you who believe, the slaves
owned by you, and the [children] among you who have not reached puberty, must
seek permission [before they come in your presence] on three occasions: before
Fajr prayer; and when you take off your clothes at noon, and after the 'Isha'
prayer. These are your three times of privacy."
(Qur'an 24:58)
In verse 27 of the same chapter
(surah), Allah Most High laid down the
rule that no person should enter the house of another without seeking
permission. This verse exempts children and slaves living in the same house
from this rule, and so have permission to enter the houses without specific
permission. However, there are three times of privacy in which they too are
required to seek permission. Imam Ibn Kathir states, "Servants and
children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these
times of privacy, for fear that the man may be having sex with his wife or
involved in other acts of sexual intimacy." ( Tafsir al-Qur'an al-Azim 3:404)
It is worth noting here that Shari'a instructs children
to seek permission before entering lest they see something of that which takes
place between the spouses. If this is the case, then how dishonourable would it
be to do such things openly and deliberately in front of them?
Nafi' relates from Sayyiduna
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) that when his child would reach the age of discernment, he would have
him removed [from his room], hence he would not be allowed to enter except with his permission." (Al-Adab
al-Mufrad oflmam Bukhari 1058)
Masa ibn Talha says, "I
tried entering my mother's room with my father. He went in and I followed him.
He turned and pushed me in the chest so that I fell on my bottom. Then he said,
"Are you entering without permission?" (Al-Adab al-Mufrad 1061)
Muslim parents who display
sexual acts in front of their children must realise they are making a grave
mistake. They are wrong in thinking that these are merely young children
without the capability of understanding such matters. In fact, this has an
extremely negative effect on their children's upbringing. Children are created
with this natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their affairs, so it
is possible that they may try to imitate their parents, even though playfully,
and do the same things with other children. The destructive consequences of this
are clear.
In addition, doing such things
openly is contrary to modesty and decency. Islam teaches its followers to be
dignified, and prohibits them from engaging in any action that would lead to an
immoral atmosphere.
The Messenger of Allah (sa)was a practical example of modesty and bashfulness.
Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)was more bashful than the virgin behind her curtain
[or in her private quarters], and when he disliked something, we recognised it
from his face."
(Sahih, Muslim 2320)
As such, couples must avoid
having sex or displaying their intimate and sexual acts such as kissing,
hugging, caressing and fondling one another in the presence of young children.
If the child has reached an age of discernment, then this is sinful.
As for sexual relations in a
room where a small baby is sleeping, this too should be avoided wherever
possible. It was mentioned earlier that the
predecessors (salaf) would avoid sexual relations in a room where a small
child of the age of breast-feeding, less than two years of age, or an animal
was present. As such, it is somewhat disliked to engage in sexual relations in
their presence, but not unlawful (haram) per se.
e) Recently a question was
posed to the author about the permissibility of a couple taking intimate
pictures of each other or recording themselves having sex, and then looking at
the photos or watching the video.
Regardless of the difference of
opinion amongst contemporary scholars about the ruling on photography, and even
though the position taken by many scholars is that photographs fall under the rubric
of picture-making (taswir) of living creatures and humans, which is
explicitly forbidden in over 20 authenticated hadiths, taking nude pictures of
one's spouse or recording sexual relations and then looking at the images
cannot be considered permissible at all.
The reason for this is clear.
By taking such pornographic images, one is potentially giving others the
opportunity to see one's nakedness, and this is impermissible. The sexual
images could be misplaced or lost and come into the hands of a stranger.
Imagine the reaction if the images or videos found their way into the hands of
the couple's children! Even if the images are secured and hidden, the
possibility still remains that someone may see them, even if all precautions
are taken. Some unusual occurrence can transpire making it possible for a third
person to get hold of the images. Preventing an evil before it actually happens
is a well-established principle of Islamic jurisprudence.
In addition, such practices
contradict the modesty that Islam commands. The couple are only permitted to
look at each other's naked bodies because of the need for it during sexual
relations, and even then, it is superior for them to avoid doing so.
In conclusion, it is not
allowed for the couple to take nude images of themselves for viewing later on.
This is disregarding the fact that many scholars hold photography to be
impermissible.
