Warning - Contents may have images/information that some viewers may find disturbing. Proceed with caution. One of the principles of sharee’ah (law) is that whatever leads to haraam deeds is itself haraam, so everything that leads to the provocation of haraam desires is haraam, because it may lead to a person falling into evil things. If you feel erotic while reading the post, please leave/close the page.
ISLAMIC TEACHINGS WITH regard
to sexual relations do not end at the termination of intercourse between the
spouses, they go much beyond that. The time after having sex, which could be
termed as "after play", is as important as foreplay and sex itself.
There are many important rulings and etiquettes that need to kept in mind in
this regard.
1)Being Affectionate
After achieving sexual climax,
both spouses should remain in their positions for a while before separating
from one another. Islam teaches couples to be considerate and compassionate to
one another at all times, and not only whilst having sex. A husband who is
insensitive and unresponsive after sex will appear to his wife as though his
interest in her is only in sexual gratification. As such, he should ensure that
there are kind and affectionate exchanges, even after having sex.
2)Cleanliness and Purification
After having sex, both spouses
should clean their genital areas with clean pieces of cloth or tissue. If they
had placed a sheet or cloth below them before having sex, which is recommended,
that may be used in cleaning themselves, otherwise a separate cloth may be
used.
Imam Ibn Qudama states in his Al-Mughn'i, "It is recommended (mustahab) for the wife to keep a piece of
cloth with her that her husband can use after having sex and wipe himself with
it, as Sayyida 'A'isha (r) said: "An astute woman should keep a piece of cloth with her. After her husband
has sex with her, she should give it to him, so that he may wipe himself and
she may wipe herself with it."(Al-Mughni" 8: 136)
Cleanliness after sex is of
utmost importance. Some Muslim couples are extremely negligent in this regard,
ignoring the fact that their bed-sheet and clothes may have become impure. It is strongly encouraged to lay a separate sheet of
clothing specifically for sex, which can be put in the washing afterwards. If
sexual fluids have come into contact with one's clothes or body parts, they must
be purified with water before praying, otherwise, one's prayer will be invalid.
The bedding should also be changed after having sex if sexual fluids have come
into contact with it.
Couples need to remember that
pre-ejaculatory fluid (madhy) is impure according to all the classical
scholars. Madhy is "A thin white fluid that exits without force
from a man or woman when sexually aroused but is not accompanied by an
ejaculation". It can often be released without one being aware of it, and is more
prevalent in women than men. Madhy only necessitates a ritual ablution (wudu) but is legally considered impure (najis), and so has to
be washed if one's body or clothing is affected by it. Imam Nawawi: states that
the whole Muslim Umma are in unanimous agreement that Madhy is
impure. (See: Hashiya al-Tahtawi 'ala Maraqi al-Falah P:100, Al-Majmil'
Sharh al-Muhadhdhab 2:395 & Al-Mughni 1:162)
As far as semen (many) is
concerned, it is defined with respect to men as "A thick white fluid that
gushes out with force from the penis causing it to slacken and reduce in
size." With respect to women, it is the thin and yellow ejaculatory fluid.
Many is the fluid with which Allah Most High Creates human beings. Allah
Most High says:
"Does man think that he
will be left unchecked? Was he not an ejaculated drop of semen (many)? Then
he became a clot of blood, then He [Allah] Created [him] and made [him]
perfect, and of him He made two sexes, male and female. Has He no power [then]
to give life to the dead?"
(Qur'an 75:36-40)
There is a difference of
opinion between classical scholars in regards to whether semen is impure or
not. The Hanafi and Maliki schools consider it impure and require it to be
cleansed from one's body and clothes. Conversely, the Shafi’i School and also
the Hanbali School [according to the more authentic position related from Imam
Ahmad] consider semen to be pure. However, all the Schools agree that the
emission of semen necessitates a ritual bath (ghush for both the man and
the woman. (Tahtaw'i 'ala Maraqi al-Falah P: 96 and Radd al-Muhtar: 312-314 for the Hanafi
School, Al-Majmu' Sharh al-Muhadhdhab 1:395-396 for the Shafi'i School, Al-Mughni
1:197 & 1:735 for the Hanball School, and Hashiya al-Dasuqi 'ala
'l-Sharh, al-Kabir 1:92 for the Maliki’ School
3)Urinating
It is recommended from a medical point of view to
urinate after having sex. This allows
the remaining drops of semen to
come out of one's system. One should avoid using exceedingly cold water when
washing the private parts, since this can be harmful. (See: Ihya' 'Ulum
al-Din with its commentary lthaf al-Sadat al-Mattaqin 6: 184, and Adab-e-Mubashrat
P:28)
ONCE A COUPLE spend sufficient
time in foreplay and feel they are ready, they may engage in actual sex and
penetration. There are many rules and etiquettes that need to be understood in
this regard.
1) Privacy
a) It is of extreme importance
that the spouses are alone when engaging in sexual relations. This is necessary
not only during actual intercourse but even during foreplay. The couple must
take means to ensure that they are away from the gazes of others, including
small children. Ibn al-Hajj al-Maliki mentions in his Al-Madkhal that
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r)would
even eject a small breast-feeding child from his room when intending to have
sex with his wife. Some scholars state that it is disliked to have even a cat
in the room when intending to engage in sexual relations. (Usul al-Mu'ashara
al-Zawjiyya P: 67)
In this regard, care must be
taken to close and lock the doors, so that no one is able to enter upon the
couple, even by mistake. The windows should be shut with the curtains drawn
properly, so that neighbours are unable to see in, even if inadvertently. This
is more important in a multistorey apartment complex or on a densely populated
street. Couples failing to give due importance to this will give others an
opportunity to see them engaging in sexual relations. This is a shameful and
sinful act that can never be allowed, as concealing one's nakedness in front of
others, especially when having sex, is an important obligation of Shari'a.
It is clear that there is no place for exhibitionism or
voyeurism in Islam. Some people derive pleasure from displaying their bodies or
their sexual acts in front of others. Islam completely rejects and condemns
such perverted practices of sexual gratification. As such, it is absolutely
unlawful and sinful to have sex in public places where there is a possibility
of being seen, such as in gardens, public parks, cars, beaches and patios or
balconies outside of apartment buildings. Sex in public is also against the law
in most countries, so not only would one be breaking the law of Allah, but also
the law of one's country and presenting oneself to disgrace and possible arrest
for indecent exposure.
b) The couple have to be
careful to conceal their act of sex so that others do not hear it. Imam Ghazali
records a hadith in his Ihya"Ulum al-Din: "The Messenger of Allah
(sa) would cover his head, lower his voice and say to his wife,
"Remain calm." Hafiz Zayn al-Din al-'Iraqi states that this hadith is reported by
Khatib al-Baghdadi from Umm Salama (r) with a weak chain of transmission. (See:
lthaf al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi Sharh lhya'' Ulum al-Din 6: 1 7 4)
As such, both the husband and
wife must avoid making any noise during sex that may be heard by others. It is
part of the etiquettes of sexual relations that the couple abstain from talking
excessively and making loud noises. This becomes even more important when there
may be others, such as parents, in the next room. Some couples do not care if
their family members or neighbours hear them having sex. Not only is this
sinful, but it also shows a lack of dignity. Couples who, despite trying, are
unable to control the noises they make during sex, should avoid making love
when others are close by. They should take means of going to a place where no
one is able to hear them. The jurists state that it is unlawful to have sex
even in the presence of a blind person, as he is able to hear them having sex.
(See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:208 and
Al-Mughni 8:135)
c) It is unlawful for a man who
has two wives to have sex with both of them simultaneously as a threesome, or
to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other, even if they both give
their consent to it. This is due to two reasons:
Firstly, it is impermissible
for a woman to look at the awra of another woman even if she is her
co-wife. The awra of a woman in front of other Muslim women is from her
navel up to and including her knees. (Al-Hidaya 4:461) The Messenger of Allah (sa) said in a hadith quoted earlier,
" ... and a woman should not look at the nakedness (awra) of another
woman" (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2793), without distinguishing between a
co-wife and another woman.
Secondly, sexual relations are
to be kept private between the two people involved. Islam prohibits the husband
and wife from discussing the details of their sexual behaviour with others. A hadith
in this regard was quoted earlier in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) said: 'The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret." (Sahih,
Muslim 1437)
Revealing the details of one's sexual behaviour could not be
more direct than actually having sex in front of another person. As such, this
practice is unlawful and sinful. This is
why it is stated in the Hanafi Fiqh reference work, Al-Fatawa al-Hind'iyya, "It is prohibitively disliked [i.e.
not permitted] to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other. So much
so that if the husband demands that she has sex with him [in
the other's presence], she does not have to make herself available, and by
refusing she is not considered a rebellious wife." (Al-Fatawa
al-Hindiyya 1:341)
Imam Ibn Qudama of the
Hanbali School states in his Al-Mughn'i, "If the two wives agree
that the husband have sex with one of them while the other watches, it is not
allowed, for this act is immoral, absurd and doing away with the sense of
honour (muru'a). As such, it is not permitted even with their
consent." (Al-Mughni 8:137. See also: Mughn'i al-Muhtaj 3:334
and Sharh al-Khursh'i 'ala Mukhtasr al-Khatil4:6)
d) As for having sex in front
of small children, if the child has reached an age of discernment (tamy'iz),
and so has the sense to comprehend what is taking place in front of him,
even if only partially, then it is prohibitively disliked and sinful for the
couple to have sex in his presence ( Radd al-Mu/J,tar 3:208).
Some Muslim couples are very
careless in this regard and display their sexual acts openly in front of their
young children and other family members. Islam is very clear when it comes to
public display of affection. It prohibits the display of intimacy and other sexual acts such as
kissing, hugging and caressing before others, including young children.
Allah Most High says:
"O you who believe, the slaves
owned by you, and the [children] among you who have not reached puberty, must
seek permission [before they come in your presence] on three occasions: before
Fajr prayer; and when you take off your clothes at noon, and after the 'Isha'
prayer. These are your three times of privacy."
(Qur'an 24:58)
In verse 27 of the same chapter
(surah), Allah Most High laid down the
rule that no person should enter the house of another without seeking
permission. This verse exempts children and slaves living in the same house
from this rule, and so have permission to enter the houses without specific
permission. However, there are three times of privacy in which they too are
required to seek permission. Imam Ibn Kathir states, "Servants and
children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these
times of privacy, for fear that the man may be having sex with his wife or
involved in other acts of sexual intimacy." ( Tafsir al-Qur'an al-Azim 3:404)
It is worth noting here that Shari'a instructs children
to seek permission before entering lest they see something of that which takes
place between the spouses. If this is the case, then how dishonourable would it
be to do such things openly and deliberately in front of them?
Nafi' relates from Sayyiduna
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) that when his child would reach the age of discernment, he would have
him removed [from his room], hence he would not be allowed to enter except with his permission." (Al-Adab
al-Mufrad oflmam Bukhari 1058)
Masa ibn Talha says, "I
tried entering my mother's room with my father. He went in and I followed him.
He turned and pushed me in the chest so that I fell on my bottom. Then he said,
"Are you entering without permission?" (Al-Adab al-Mufrad 1061)
Muslim parents who display
sexual acts in front of their children must realise they are making a grave
mistake. They are wrong in thinking that these are merely young children
without the capability of understanding such matters. In fact, this has an
extremely negative effect on their children's upbringing. Children are created
with this natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their affairs, so it
is possible that they may try to imitate their parents, even though playfully,
and do the same things with other children. The destructive consequences of this
are clear.
In addition, doing such things
openly is contrary to modesty and decency. Islam teaches its followers to be
dignified, and prohibits them from engaging in any action that would lead to an
immoral atmosphere.
The Messenger of Allah (sa)was a practical example of modesty and bashfulness.
Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)was more bashful than the virgin behind her curtain
[or in her private quarters], and when he disliked something, we recognised it
from his face."
(Sahih, Muslim 2320)
As such, couples must avoid
having sex or displaying their intimate and sexual acts such as kissing,
hugging, caressing and fondling one another in the presence of young children.
If the child has reached an age of discernment, then this is sinful.
As for sexual relations in a
room where a small baby is sleeping, this too should be avoided wherever
possible. It was mentioned earlier that the
predecessors (salaf) would avoid sexual relations in a room where a small
child of the age of breast-feeding, less than two years of age, or an animal
was present. As such, it is somewhat disliked to engage in sexual relations in
their presence, but not unlawful (haram) per se.
e) Recently a question was
posed to the author about the permissibility of a couple taking intimate
pictures of each other or recording themselves having sex, and then looking at
the photos or watching the video.
Regardless of the difference of
opinion amongst contemporary scholars about the ruling on photography, and even
though the position taken by many scholars is that photographs fall under the rubric
of picture-making (taswir) of living creatures and humans, which is
explicitly forbidden in over 20 authenticated hadiths, taking nude pictures of
one's spouse or recording sexual relations and then looking at the images
cannot be considered permissible at all.
The reason for this is clear.
By taking such pornographic images, one is potentially giving others the
opportunity to see one's nakedness, and this is impermissible. The sexual
images could be misplaced or lost and come into the hands of a stranger.
Imagine the reaction if the images or videos found their way into the hands of
the couple's children! Even if the images are secured and hidden, the
possibility still remains that someone may see them, even if all precautions
are taken. Some unusual occurrence can transpire making it possible for a third
person to get hold of the images. Preventing an evil before it actually happens
is a well-established principle of Islamic jurisprudence.
In addition, such practices
contradict the modesty that Islam commands. The couple are only permitted to
look at each other's naked bodies because of the need for it during sexual
relations, and even then, it is superior for them to avoid doing so.
In conclusion, it is not
allowed for the couple to take nude images of themselves for viewing later on.
This is disregarding the fact that many scholars hold photography to be
impermissible.
Foreplay can take many forms,
and it is best left to the couple to discover what
stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however,
must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here:
1) Kissing
2) Massaging and Caressing
3) Body Contact
Part of foreplay is to have
full-length, body-to-body contact, i.e. to hold the body of one's spouse
full-length against oneself. This includes hugging, amorous caressing,
cuddling, rolling around, taking one's spouse into one's arms, rubbing one's
body against one's spouse and lying completely on top of one's spouse. This is
permitted and encouraged, with or without clothes.
A question arises here about the permissibility of the
husband rubbing his penis against his wife's thighs, stomach and other parts of
the body to ejaculate, and likewise, the permissibility of the wife stroking
her vagina against a part of her husband's body to reach an orgasm.
In light of the previous
discussion on mutual masturbation, it is clear that this act is permitted for
both spouses. Imam Ibn 'Abidin in his Radd al-Muhtar explains that
rubbing the penis against the wife's thighs (tafkh'idh) or against her
stomach (tabt'in) to ejaculate are both permitted, although slightly
disliked (karaha tanz'ihiyya), because semen is wasted. (Radd al-Muhtar
2:399 and 4:27)
The renowned jurist of the
Indian Subcontinent, Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Shafi' Uthmani, states: "If
one ejaculates by rubbing against the hands and other parts of the wife due to
need, then this is permitted without even being disliked. Cases of need include
the wife being on menstruation or postnatal bleeding and the husband has a need
to fulfil his sexual desire. If this is done without need, then it is [still
permitted but] slightly disliked." (Imdad al-Muft'in 2:585)
This returns us to the
principle that the union of marriage allows each spouse to derive pleasure from
the other. As such, it is permitted for either spouse to rub their private
parts against the body of the other to reach an orgasm. However, it is superior
to avoid this if there is no need for it. One
must also remember that the means of stimulation must be one's spouse's body,
and not self-stimulation, otherwise it will be considered unlawful
masturbation.
