The Wife's Right to Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

THE WIFE'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS

Like men, women have sexual needs. However, unlike men, they have more control over their sexual urges due to the inherent temperamental, physical, and emotional differences between women and men.

A woman will not normally demand the fulfilment of her sexual needs. Instead, when she is in the mood, she will employ various means of seducing her husband, by adorning herself, talking to him enticingly, and gazing at him longingly. Medical experts are of the opinion that a woman's sexual desire reaches its peak directly after the completion of her menstrual cycle. A perceptive husband realises this and is responsive to her signals.

The husband is religiously obliged to fulfil the sexual needs of his wife. It is a sin on his part to deprive his wife of this right without a valid excuse or permission. This is why many jurists hold that it is religiously obligatory for the husband to have sex with his wife every so often. (See: Bada'i al-Sana'i 2:331)

Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Amr (r) relates:

"My father married me off to a woman of good lineage, and he used to consult his daughter-in-law- i.e. his son's wife -and ask her about her husband. She would say to him, "An excellent man! A man who has not slept with us in bed nor removed the veil from us since we came to him!" When that went on for a long time, he (my father) mentioned that to the Messenger of Allah (s). The Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Send him to me." So I went to meet him soon after, and he said, "How often do you fast?" I said, "Every day." He said, "How often do you complete the Qur'an?" I said, "Every night." He said, "Fast three days every month and complete one Qur'an every month." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Then fast three days every week." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Fast after every two days." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Fast the most superior of fasts, the fasting of Dawud  (peace be upon him) who used to fast every alternate day; and complete the recitation of the Qur'an in seven days ... "  

(Sahih al­Bukhari 4765)

In another variation of this same hadith, 'Abdullah ibn Amr (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah (s) said to me, "Have I not been informed that you fast all day and pray all night?" I said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah." He said, "Do not do it. Fast and break the fast, and pray and sleep, because your body has a right over you, your eye has a right over you, your wife has a right over you, and your visitor has a right over you. It is enough for you to fast three days out of every month. Every good action is multiplied by ten, so that is like fasting all the time." But I was austere then and made things hard for myself. I said, "O Messenger of Allah, I feel strong." He said, "Fast the fast of the Prophet of Allah, Dawud (peace be upon him), but do not do more than that." I said, "What is the fast of Dawud (peace be upon him)?" He said, "Half the time." When he became old, 'Abdullah used to say, "I wished I had accepted the easier options provided by the Messenger of Allah (s)."  

(Sahih al-Bukhari 1874)

{Note: This hadith also presents a model of chastity, modesty and bashfulness of the female companions (may Allah be pleased with them all), and tells us how patiently they bore the indifference of their husbands. In the instance quoted, the politeness with which the wife of 'Abdullah ibn Amr answered her father-in-law, when he enquired about the treatment of her husband, is an exceptional example of decency and endurance.}

In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (s) advises 'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As (r) to be moderate in his worship, and on learning that he had not slept with his wife, the Messenger of Allah (s) said to him, "Your wife has a right over you," clearly defining the husband's responsibility to fulfil his wife's sexual and other needs.

Abu Juhayfa (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah (s) joined Salman (r) and Abu al-Darda' (r) together in brotherhood. Salman visited Abu al-Darda' and saw Umm al-Darda' [Abu al-Darda's wife] poorly dressed and said to her, "What is the matter with you?" She said, "Your brother Abu al-Darda' has no need of this world [meaning he did not care whether his wife adorned herself for him or not since he was very busy in worshiping Allah Most High]." Abu al-Darda' came and made some food for him [i.e. Salman]. Salman said, "Eat." He said, "I am fasting." Salman said, "I will not eat unless you eat." He says, "So he ate." In the night, Abu al-Darda' went to stand in prayer and Salman said to him, "Sleep!" and so he slept. Then he got up again and Salman said, "Sleep!" When it was the latter part of the night, Salman said, "Now get up and they both prayed together." Salman said to him, "Your Lord has a right over you, your self has a right over you and your wife has a right over you, so give each rightful person their due right." Abu al-Darda' came to the Messenger of Allah (s) and mentioned this to him and the Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Salman spoke the truth." 

(Sahih al-Bukhari 1867)

Scholars differ over how regularly a husband must have sex with his wife to fulfil her needs.

1) Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali holds that it is religiously obligatory for a man to have sex with his wife once every four nights, a view supported by the following incident:

'Abd al-Razzaq relates in his Al-Musannaf from Qatada and Sha'bi that a woman came to 'Umar (r) and said, "My husband stands at night [in prayer] and fasts during the day." 'Umar (r) said, ''You have praised your husband excellently well." Ka'b ibn Sawwar said to 'Umar, "She is [actually] complaining." 'Umar (r) said, "How?" He said, "She claims to have no share in the marriage from her husband [meaning her husband does not fulfil her rights]." 'Umar (r) said, "If you understand this much, then you decide between them." He (Ka'b) said, "O Amir al-Mu'minin! Allah has permitted him four wives. So she has one day of every four days, and one night of every four nights." (Suyuti, Tarikh al-Khulafa' P: 161)

In light of this, Imam Ghazali's view is that a man must fulfil his wife's sexual needs once every four nights, since he is permitted to spend the other three nights with his other wives, were he to have four. This is also the favoured position of Imam Tahawi (may Allah have mercy on him) of the Hanafi School. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:203 & jadid Fiqhi Masa'il 2: 172)

2) Imam Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him) holds that it is religiously obligatory for a man to sleep with his wife once every month. He states: "It is obligatory upon a man to have sex with his wife at least once in every interval (tuhr) between menstruations if he is able to do so, otherwise he will be sinful. The proof for this is the statement of Allah Most High: "But when they are purified, then approach them from where Allah has commanded you." (Al-Muhalla P: 1672)

Imam Ibn Hazm derives his opinion from the word of Allah Most High: "Approach them," a command indicative of obligation. Most scholars consider this to be a statement that permits sex after menstruation - her menses prohibited sex, and so Allah Most High returns permission once she is purified. Imam Ibn Hazm understood the text literally and ruled that having sex after one's wife is purified from menstruation is obligatory.

3) According to some scholars, a man must have sex with his wife once every four months or else he is sinful. They substantiate their position with the following narration:

Ibn Jarir relates, "I was informed by the one whom I trust that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r), while on patrol, heard a woman saying [singing  poetry], "This night stretches out and is dark, and that I am without a companion to be intimate with has made me sleepless. Were it not for the fear of Allah like unto Whom there is none, the sides of this couch would have been moving." 'Umar (r) said, "What is wrong with you?" She said, ''You sent my husband on an expedition some months ago, and I long for him." He said, "Do you intend to do wrong?" She said, "I seek the refuge of Allah!" He said, "So restrain yourself, for it is only a matter of the message being delivered to him." 'Umar (r) sent a message to him [to return]. Then he went to [his daughter] Hafsa and said, "I want to ask you about a matter which concerns me, so dispel it for me. How long can a woman remain without her husband?" She lowered her head and was shy. He said, 'Truly Allah is not shy of the truth." So she gestured with her hand indicating three months, and if that is not possible, then four months. Hence 'Umar (r) declared that armies must not be kept on service for more than four months." (Tarikh al-Khulafa' P: 161-162)

Imam Muwaffaq al-Din Ibn Qudama (may Allah have mercy on him), a prominent Hanbali jurist, also concurs with this position in his masterpiece of Hanbali and comparative fiqh Al-Mughni. He asserts that if the husband abstains from fulfilling his wife's sexual needs due to an Islamically valid reason such as illness, then there is no fixed time­ period for having sex with her. If, however, he abstains without any genuine reason, he is obliged to have sex within four months, and if he fails to fulfil her sexual needs after this period, he is ordered to divorce her. (Al-Mughni8: 551-552)

{Note: It is worth noting here that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) did not ask his wife, but rather his daughter. Mawlana Ashraf 'Ali Thanawi states that the reason for this was that 'Umar (r) expected an impartial answer from his daughter. He thought that there was a possibility of his wife's answer being biased, since it was her husband who was asking. (Al-Ifadat al-Yawmiyya min al-Ifadat al-Qawmiyya 2:300)

4) Most jurists (fuqaha'), including many Hanafi scholars, hold that it is religiously obligatory for a husband to have sex with his wife every so often, without this being fixed at a specific frequency. The prominent Hanafi jurist Imam Haskafi states, "It is religiously obligatory for a husband to have sex with his wife every so often, and he must not reach the duration of four months without her permission ... "

Imam Ibn 'Abidin explains this by stating that the husband is religiously obligated to have sex with his wife every so often, unless he has some kind of illness or some other valid excuse. He then cites Imam Tahawi from the Hanafi School who holds the view that the husband is obligated to have sex with her once every four nights. However, he further states, that the established position of the Hanafi School (zahir al-madhhab) is that there is no fixed time-limit, rather the husband will be obligated to spend the night with his wife and fulfil her sexual needs every so often. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 3:202-203, Bab al-Qasam)

According to the author, this last position seems to be the most reasonable and practical, especially in our times. As such, the husband must engage in sexual relations with his wife every so often enough to maintain her outward and inward chastity such that she does not incline towards committing an unlawful act. If a man consistently refuses his wife, he will be sinful.

However, as in the case of the husband's right to sexual relations, the obligation to fulfil the sexual needs of one's wife is conditional on the man's physical ability to have sex with his wife. If the husband is too ill or weak to engage in any sexual activity or fears that having sex with his wife will result in unbearable weakness, then he is not required to fulfil his wife's sexual needs, and will not be sinful.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

what are the rights of the wife 

 

The Prophet and the collapse of paper money - JERUSALEM IN THE QUR’AN

The Prophet and the collapse of paper money

It is also a matter of absolutely critical importance that Muslims should carefully study the prophecy of the Prophet (‘alaihi al-Salam) in which he has prophesied the collapse of artificial secular currency (i.e., paper, plastic, and electronic money, etc.):

“Abu Bakr ibn Abi Maryam (ra) reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah say: A time is certainly coming over mankind in which there will be nothing (left) which will be of use (or benefit) save a dinar and a dirham (gold and silver coins).” 

(Musnad, Ahmad)

That prophecy of Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) is about to be fulfilled. Today’s monetary system uses ‘paper’ to make ‘money’. That is a manifest fraud! Artificial money is quite different from real money. Real money has intrinsic value, while paper money has none. Its only value is that conferred upon it by market forces. Its market value will last only for as long as, and to the extent that, there is public confidence in it and demand for it in the market. Demand is itself based on confidence, and confidence is something that can be manipulated (as Malaysia’s Prime Minister has now recognized, and as Indonesia has recognized too late). So long as governments controlled the so-called free-currency markets, they could intervene to protect public confidence. But the currency market is now controlled by the most vicious of all speculative forces, forces fueled by compelling greed with no loyalties. Anything that seriously disturbs market confidence will cause the speculative stampede that will fulfill the prophecy of the Prophet (sallalahu ‘alaihi wa sallam).

The collapse of money in what may best be described as a ‘money meltdown’, will witness the final success of the European (who became Jews) in their more than a thousand years of struggle for Jewish rule over the whole world. Those who have real money will survive the meltdown, while those speculators who successfully exploit the collapse will make the greatest profits ever. The masses will lose their wealth and be enslaved. They will be caught with worthless paper parading as money. That is the financial holocaust that is certain to occur.

Others as well, beside our blessed Prophet (sallalahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), are now predicting that financial meltdown. Judy Shelton, for example, uses it as the very title of her excellent book entitled: “Money Meltdown: Restoring Order to the Global Currency System.” (New York, The Free Press, 1994). We should not forget, nor allow the world to forget, the dramatic, ominous, and unprecedented collapse of the US dollar in January 1980 when the value of the dollar relative to gold fell to approximately $850 for one ounce! (In 1971 it was $35 an ounce. Its present ‘managed’ value is kept within the range of  $280 - $380 per once.) This collapse of the dollar took place in the immediate wake of the successful anti-Western Islamic revolution in Iran that gave control of the vast oil resources of Iran to an anti-systemic Islamic government.  A similar collapse occurred in 1973 just after the Arab-Israeli war and the imposition of an Arab oil embargo on USA. The US dollar fell in value by a massive 400% from US$40 for an ounce of gold to US$160.

In fact the collapse of the International Monetary System would occur when the Jews consider it opportune to bring down the US dollar. They can do that at any time since the US dollar made of paper is manifestly fraudulent since it is essentially worthless. When the US dollar collapses it will bring down all other paper currencies in the world. The major beneficiary of that collapse will be the State of Israel, since it is those who control banks who would now control money. Governments will no longer be able to issue money. Rather it is banks (controlled by Jews) that would now issue plastic (i.e., electronic) money! 

That money-meltdown will, perhaps, take place when Israel launches its major war against the Arabs and then successfully defies the entire world. That successful display of military and political power together with the new financial control that comes with the collapse of paper-money would deliver to Israel the status of being the Ruling State in the world. This writer believes that that event is likely to take place within the next five to ten years or even earlier. Already Israel has successfully defied the President of USA who demanded on several occasions that Israel withdraw her military forces from Palestinian towns she occupied after a wave of Palestinian ‘human bombs’ took a heavy toll of Jewish lives. 

Source: Jerusalem in the Qur'an by Imran N. Hosein

to be continued....

Stages of Nafs - A Concept of Intangible Self

The different stages of Nafs and 
How to strive towards the best?

Bismillah

When Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aala creates a human, He infuses Ruh in them. Ruh is the spirit or soul of a person which is breathed into a person when they are in the womb, to breathe life into the developing foetus. The status of Ruh (Soul) is such as is mentioned by Allah in the Quran in the following verse:

‘‘Allah takes the souls at the time of their death, and those that do not die [He takes] during their sleep. Then He keeps those for which He has decreed death and releases the others for a specified term. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.’’ (Surah Az-Zumar 39:42)

Nafs is that part of Ruh which is handled by an individual. Nafs is one’s inner self. In the Quran, Allah has described three main types or stages of nafs. An individual can go through all three stages at one point in his life.

The three stages are:
1) Nafs al`Ammara Bissuu' (The Nafs that urges evil)
2) Nafs al`Lawwama (the Nafs that blames)
3) Nafs al`Mutma`inna (The Nafs at peace)

To better understand the concept of Nafs, we can compare it with Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality in which he states that there are three inherent components in one’s personality –

    a) The id
    b) The ego and
    c) The superego

Nafs al`Ammara Bissuu' can be defined as the id. This is the animal stage of nafs in which a person’s actions are governed by his emotions and are mostly evil or harmful for the soul. A person cannot control temptation when in this stage. According to Freud, id is raw, savage and immoral. This stage of nafs is guided by the pleasure seeking principle. It does not consider right or wrong and only takes into account the satisfaction of desires.

It is mentioned in the Quran:

And I do not acquit myself. Indeed, the soul is a persistent enjoiner of evil, 
except those upon which my Lord has mercy. Indeed, my Lord is Forgiving and Merciful."
(Surah Yusuf 12:53)

The Nafs al`Ammara Bissuu' is guided by earthly desires and passions.

Nafs al`Lawwama is the second stage of nafs which comprises of the Freudian concepts of ego and superego. It is a self-critical stage during which an individual reviews his actions. Good deeds are thought upon and bad deeds are rejected. The ego here acts like the haram police. It decides which desires to fulfil and in what way. The superego is the ethical aspect of personality which considers only the right action regardless of the reality or consequences. The ego is one which decides what is to be done with a desire. Thus, Nafs al`Lawwama is the stage of conflict and the stage of decisions in which the good actions win majority of the times. In this stage, the nafs is also referred to as the soul that blames, as is mentioned in the Quran in the following verse:

‘‘And I swear by the reproaching soul [to the certainty of resurrection].’’
(Surah Al-Qiyamah 75:2)

This stage of nafs shall be the one which blames an individual for all his evil actions on the day of judgement.

Nafs al`Mutma`inna is the highest and purest stage of nafs which perhaps Freud never dealt with. In this stage, our desires are at rest and one knows what is right and finds no difficulty or conflict of interest while performing the righteous deeds or actions. An individual is content with his worldly life and focuses more towards a better hereafter. This nafs is referred to in the Quran in the following verse:

[To the righteous it will be said], "O reassured soul, Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous] servants And enter My Paradise." 

(Surah Al-Fajr 89: 27-30)

Ibn Al-Qayyim has mentioned: The nafs is a single entity, although it’s state may change from Nafs al`Ammara Bissua, to Nafs al`Lawwama, to Nafs al`Mutma`inna which is the final aim of perfection.

Striving towards the best and the purest stage of nafs is to have total faith in Allah, be content with your worldly affairs, not be dissatisfied etc. All this can be achieved step wise by defeating the 7 evils of nafs, i.e.

(1) False pride
(2) Greed
(3) Envy
(4) Lust
(5) Backbiting
(6) Stinginess and
(7) Malice

Nothing can be achieved without Allah’s help. One needs to keep making dua to Allah to have control over our nafs along with working to conquer each evil.

In his book Jihad-un-Nafs, Imam Ghazali mentions – The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: 

"There are two impulses in the soul, one from an angel which calls towards good and confirms truth; whoever finds this let him know it is from God and praise Him. Another impulse comes from the enemy which leads to doubt and denies truth and forbids good; whoever finds this, 
let him seek refuge in God from the accursed devil." (Tirmidhi)

God has armed soldiers which He has placed in the hearts and souls of others of His world, and none knows their true nature and actual number but He. The limbs of the body, five senses, will, instinct, knowledge, wisdom, reflection, emotive and intellectual powers are among those soldiers.

Jihad against one's own nafs is the primary war a believer has to wage. Indeed it is difficult to catch hold of your nafs and give it the Islamic shock treatment in today's world when you are surrounded by accomplices of Satan working round the clock to darken your heart. Let me tell you, they never leave even a tiny miny chance to do so! But in the end, when you triumph, it will be worth all the periods of angst and pain you went through. 

I pray Allah makes it easy for all Muslims to gain control over their nafs, eliminate the evils from our hearts and makes us worthy enough to enter the Jannah! 
Ameen.

Source