The Wife's Right to Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

THE WIFE'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS

Like men, women have sexual needs. However, unlike men, they have more control over their sexual urges due to the inherent temperamental, physical, and emotional differences between women and men.

A woman will not normally demand the fulfilment of her sexual needs. Instead, when she is in the mood, she will employ various means of seducing her husband, by adorning herself, talking to him enticingly, and gazing at him longingly. Medical experts are of the opinion that a woman's sexual desire reaches its peak directly after the completion of her menstrual cycle. A perceptive husband realises this and is responsive to her signals.

The husband is religiously obliged to fulfil the sexual needs of his wife. It is a sin on his part to deprive his wife of this right without a valid excuse or permission. This is why many jurists hold that it is religiously obligatory for the husband to have sex with his wife every so often. (See: Bada'i al-Sana'i 2:331)

Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Amr (r) relates:

"My father married me off to a woman of good lineage, and he used to consult his daughter-in-law- i.e. his son's wife -and ask her about her husband. She would say to him, "An excellent man! A man who has not slept with us in bed nor removed the veil from us since we came to him!" When that went on for a long time, he (my father) mentioned that to the Messenger of Allah (s). The Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Send him to me." So I went to meet him soon after, and he said, "How often do you fast?" I said, "Every day." He said, "How often do you complete the Qur'an?" I said, "Every night." He said, "Fast three days every month and complete one Qur'an every month." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Then fast three days every week." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Fast after every two days." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Fast the most superior of fasts, the fasting of Dawud  (peace be upon him) who used to fast every alternate day; and complete the recitation of the Qur'an in seven days ... "  

(Sahih al­Bukhari 4765)

In another variation of this same hadith, 'Abdullah ibn Amr (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah (s) said to me, "Have I not been informed that you fast all day and pray all night?" I said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah." He said, "Do not do it. Fast and break the fast, and pray and sleep, because your body has a right over you, your eye has a right over you, your wife has a right over you, and your visitor has a right over you. It is enough for you to fast three days out of every month. Every good action is multiplied by ten, so that is like fasting all the time." But I was austere then and made things hard for myself. I said, "O Messenger of Allah, I feel strong." He said, "Fast the fast of the Prophet of Allah, Dawud (peace be upon him), but do not do more than that." I said, "What is the fast of Dawud (peace be upon him)?" He said, "Half the time." When he became old, 'Abdullah used to say, "I wished I had accepted the easier options provided by the Messenger of Allah (s)."  

(Sahih al-Bukhari 1874)

{Note: This hadith also presents a model of chastity, modesty and bashfulness of the female companions (may Allah be pleased with them all), and tells us how patiently they bore the indifference of their husbands. In the instance quoted, the politeness with which the wife of 'Abdullah ibn Amr answered her father-in-law, when he enquired about the treatment of her husband, is an exceptional example of decency and endurance.}

In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (s) advises 'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As (r) to be moderate in his worship, and on learning that he had not slept with his wife, the Messenger of Allah (s) said to him, "Your wife has a right over you," clearly defining the husband's responsibility to fulfil his wife's sexual and other needs.

Abu Juhayfa (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah (s) joined Salman (r) and Abu al-Darda' (r) together in brotherhood. Salman visited Abu al-Darda' and saw Umm al-Darda' [Abu al-Darda's wife] poorly dressed and said to her, "What is the matter with you?" She said, "Your brother Abu al-Darda' has no need of this world [meaning he did not care whether his wife adorned herself for him or not since he was very busy in worshiping Allah Most High]." Abu al-Darda' came and made some food for him [i.e. Salman]. Salman said, "Eat." He said, "I am fasting." Salman said, "I will not eat unless you eat." He says, "So he ate." In the night, Abu al-Darda' went to stand in prayer and Salman said to him, "Sleep!" and so he slept. Then he got up again and Salman said, "Sleep!" When it was the latter part of the night, Salman said, "Now get up and they both prayed together." Salman said to him, "Your Lord has a right over you, your self has a right over you and your wife has a right over you, so give each rightful person their due right." Abu al-Darda' came to the Messenger of Allah (s) and mentioned this to him and the Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Salman spoke the truth." 

(Sahih al-Bukhari 1867)

Scholars differ over how regularly a husband must have sex with his wife to fulfil her needs.

1) Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali holds that it is religiously obligatory for a man to have sex with his wife once every four nights, a view supported by the following incident:

'Abd al-Razzaq relates in his Al-Musannaf from Qatada and Sha'bi that a woman came to 'Umar (r) and said, "My husband stands at night [in prayer] and fasts during the day." 'Umar (r) said, ''You have praised your husband excellently well." Ka'b ibn Sawwar said to 'Umar, "She is [actually] complaining." 'Umar (r) said, "How?" He said, "She claims to have no share in the marriage from her husband [meaning her husband does not fulfil her rights]." 'Umar (r) said, "If you understand this much, then you decide between them." He (Ka'b) said, "O Amir al-Mu'minin! Allah has permitted him four wives. So she has one day of every four days, and one night of every four nights." (Suyuti, Tarikh al-Khulafa' P: 161)

In light of this, Imam Ghazali's view is that a man must fulfil his wife's sexual needs once every four nights, since he is permitted to spend the other three nights with his other wives, were he to have four. This is also the favoured position of Imam Tahawi (may Allah have mercy on him) of the Hanafi School. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:203 & jadid Fiqhi Masa'il 2: 172)

2) Imam Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him) holds that it is religiously obligatory for a man to sleep with his wife once every month. He states: "It is obligatory upon a man to have sex with his wife at least once in every interval (tuhr) between menstruations if he is able to do so, otherwise he will be sinful. The proof for this is the statement of Allah Most High: "But when they are purified, then approach them from where Allah has commanded you." (Al-Muhalla P: 1672)

Imam Ibn Hazm derives his opinion from the word of Allah Most High: "Approach them," a command indicative of obligation. Most scholars consider this to be a statement that permits sex after menstruation - her menses prohibited sex, and so Allah Most High returns permission once she is purified. Imam Ibn Hazm understood the text literally and ruled that having sex after one's wife is purified from menstruation is obligatory.

3) According to some scholars, a man must have sex with his wife once every four months or else he is sinful. They substantiate their position with the following narration:

Ibn Jarir relates, "I was informed by the one whom I trust that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r), while on patrol, heard a woman saying [singing  poetry], "This night stretches out and is dark, and that I am without a companion to be intimate with has made me sleepless. Were it not for the fear of Allah like unto Whom there is none, the sides of this couch would have been moving." 'Umar (r) said, "What is wrong with you?" She said, ''You sent my husband on an expedition some months ago, and I long for him." He said, "Do you intend to do wrong?" She said, "I seek the refuge of Allah!" He said, "So restrain yourself, for it is only a matter of the message being delivered to him." 'Umar (r) sent a message to him [to return]. Then he went to [his daughter] Hafsa and said, "I want to ask you about a matter which concerns me, so dispel it for me. How long can a woman remain without her husband?" She lowered her head and was shy. He said, 'Truly Allah is not shy of the truth." So she gestured with her hand indicating three months, and if that is not possible, then four months. Hence 'Umar (r) declared that armies must not be kept on service for more than four months." (Tarikh al-Khulafa' P: 161-162)

Imam Muwaffaq al-Din Ibn Qudama (may Allah have mercy on him), a prominent Hanbali jurist, also concurs with this position in his masterpiece of Hanbali and comparative fiqh Al-Mughni. He asserts that if the husband abstains from fulfilling his wife's sexual needs due to an Islamically valid reason such as illness, then there is no fixed time­ period for having sex with her. If, however, he abstains without any genuine reason, he is obliged to have sex within four months, and if he fails to fulfil her sexual needs after this period, he is ordered to divorce her. (Al-Mughni8: 551-552)

{Note: It is worth noting here that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) did not ask his wife, but rather his daughter. Mawlana Ashraf 'Ali Thanawi states that the reason for this was that 'Umar (r) expected an impartial answer from his daughter. He thought that there was a possibility of his wife's answer being biased, since it was her husband who was asking. (Al-Ifadat al-Yawmiyya min al-Ifadat al-Qawmiyya 2:300)

4) Most jurists (fuqaha'), including many Hanafi scholars, hold that it is religiously obligatory for a husband to have sex with his wife every so often, without this being fixed at a specific frequency. The prominent Hanafi jurist Imam Haskafi states, "It is religiously obligatory for a husband to have sex with his wife every so often, and he must not reach the duration of four months without her permission ... "

Imam Ibn 'Abidin explains this by stating that the husband is religiously obligated to have sex with his wife every so often, unless he has some kind of illness or some other valid excuse. He then cites Imam Tahawi from the Hanafi School who holds the view that the husband is obligated to have sex with her once every four nights. However, he further states, that the established position of the Hanafi School (zahir al-madhhab) is that there is no fixed time-limit, rather the husband will be obligated to spend the night with his wife and fulfil her sexual needs every so often. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 3:202-203, Bab al-Qasam)

According to the author, this last position seems to be the most reasonable and practical, especially in our times. As such, the husband must engage in sexual relations with his wife every so often enough to maintain her outward and inward chastity such that she does not incline towards committing an unlawful act. If a man consistently refuses his wife, he will be sinful.

However, as in the case of the husband's right to sexual relations, the obligation to fulfil the sexual needs of one's wife is conditional on the man's physical ability to have sex with his wife. If the husband is too ill or weak to engage in any sexual activity or fears that having sex with his wife will result in unbearable weakness, then he is not required to fulfil his wife's sexual needs, and will not be sinful.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

what are the rights of the wife 

 

The Husband's Right to Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

THE HUSBAND'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS

A man is entitled to have sex with his wife whenever he is desirous of it, and it is her religious duty to make herself available to him. Failing to do so without a valid excuse is a major sin, and this is emphasised in many hadiths: Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

''When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps being angry, the angels curse her until morning." 

(Sahih al-Bukhan 3065 & Sahih Muslim 1436, the wording is of Muslim)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"By the One in Whose hands is my life, there is not a man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with her."

 (Sahih Muslim 1436)

Such is the emphasis on this command that even if the wife happens to be busy when her husband calls her, she must leave everything and respond to his call. Sayyiduna Talq ibn 'Ali (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"When a man calls his wife for the fulfilment of his sexual need, she must come, even if she is [busy] in the cooking area."  

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1160)

The prophetic narrations above, and others, clearly illustrate the importance of obedience to a husband's request for sexual relations. It is a grave sin, in normal circumstances, for the wife to refuse her husband, and even more so if her refusal leads to the husband committing an unlawful act.

Imam Nawawi states in his commentary of the hadith related by Abu Hurayra (r) quoted earlier: 'This hadith indicates that it is unlawful (haram) for the wife to refuse her husband sexual relations without a valid reason. Menstruation is not considered a valid reason, since the husband has a right to enjoy her from above the garment [i.e. with her clothes acting as a barrier]." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 1 o84)

It was in this context that the Messenger of Allah (s) instructed women to seek permission from their husbands before observing a voluntary fast, since the husband may desire to fulfil his sexual needs whilst she is fasting. He (s) said:

"A woman must not fast [i.e. optional fasts] whilst her husband is staying with her except with his permission." 

(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 4896)

Two points, however, are worth considering here:

Firstly, the husband's right to demand sex does not mean that he is allowed to force himself violently over his wife for sexual gratification. The hadith mention the husband "sleeping in a state of anger" and "being displeased" demonstrating the fact that the husband should restrain himself from forcing himself aggressively over her and hurting her. Had this been allowed, surely the Messenger of Allah (s) would have permitted it for the husband.

Secondly, the wife's duty to make herself available applies in normal situations when there is no Shari'a-countenaced impediment or when she does not have a valid excuse. The wife is required to obey her husband as long as she does not have to forgo her own rights. As such, the various hadiths are an admonition for women who use sex as a weapon against their husbands.

However, if the wife is menstruating or has postnatal bleeding, she is ill, physically unable to have sex, exhausted, emotionally drained or sexual activity is detrimental to her well-being, then she no longer is obligated to comply with her husband's demands for sex. Rather, the husband is required to show her sympathy by understanding that she may be unable to have sex. But, simply "not feeling up to it" is not a justified reason. Allah Most High says:

"On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear." (Qur'an 2:286)

It is often observed that a husband will demand his wife to fulfil his sexual needs, disregarding the fact that she is extremely ill and not physically capable of having sex. Some threaten their wives with divorce, and support their behaviour by quoting the above hadith. It is important to understand that if the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activity and has a genuine and Islamically valid reason, but the husband forces her, then he will be sinful. Muslim husbands need to realise that their wives are also human beings, and not machines that can be switched on and off whenever they desire!

Ultimately, these matters are best resolved through mutual understanding, regard for one another, love, gentleness and putting one's spouse before oneself. The Messenger of Allah (s) said, "None of you can be a [true] believer until they love for their brother what they love for themselves" (Sahih Muslim 45). The importance of this concept becomes even greater in a marital relationship.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

ARE YOU THE HUSBAND ALLAH (SWT) DESCRIBES?

The Obligatory Nature of Hajj

The Obligatory Nature of Hajj

The advent of the month of Shawwāl brings with it the remembrance of Ibrāhīm ‘alayhis salām and his memorable hajj. All over the world, those who are fortunate make preparations for this great spiritual experience. Hajj is from the five pillars of Islām and is fard upon every sane and mature believer who possesses the means to perform hajj.

Allāh ta‘ālā mentions in the Glorious Qur’ān: 

 “…As a right of Allāh, it is obligatory on the people to perform hajj of the House – on everyone who has the ability to manage (his) way to it.” (3:97)

The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said:

“Islām is founded on five (pillars): 

bearing witness that there is no deity except Allāh and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allāh,

establishing salāh, 

paying zakāh, 

performing hajj and 

fasting in the month of Ramadān.” (Al-Bukhārī)

In another hadīth, he said: “O people! Indeed Allāh, the Mighty, the Exalted has made hajj obligatory upon you; therefore perform hajj.” (Ahmad)

Virtues of Hajj

The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has mentioned many virtues of hajj, encouraging the believers to fulfil this obligation:

“The performers of hajj and ‘umrah are deputations of Allāh. If they call Him, He answers them; and if they seek His forgiveness, He forgives them.” (Ibn Mājah)

“There is no reward for an accepted hajj except Jannah.” (Al-Bukhārī, Muslim)

“Whoever performs hajj for the sake of pleasing Allāh, and therein utters no word of evil, nor commits any evil deed, shall return from it free from sin as the day on which his mother gave birth to him.” (Al-Bukhārī, Muslim)

The performer of hajj becomes so pure that even that person is forgiven for whom he seeks forgiveness. The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:

“When you meet a Hajī (on his way home), then greet him, shake hands with him and ask him to beg forgiveness of Allāh on your behalf before he enters his home, for his prayer for forgiveness is accepted since he is forgiven by Allāh.” (Ahmad)

Warnings for Non-performance of Hajj

The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has also warned those who do not fulfil this obligation despite it becoming obligatory upon them:

“He who possesses enough provisions which will suffice for him to reach the House of Allāh, and he does not perform hajj, then there is no care whether he dies as a Jew or a Christian.” (At-Tirmidhī)

Hajj is fard upon every sane, adult and healthy Muslim, when he has sufficient wealth to enable him to travel to and from the Ka‘bah. This will apply when the wealth required to take him is in excess of his needs (such as house, transport, clothing, etc.). He also needs to have sufficient wealth to leave behind for the needs of those who are dependent on him. Furthermore, the journey needs to be a safe one and a woman needs to be travelling with a mahram. As can be understood from the great virtues and stern warnings above, a person upon whom hajj is fard should endeavour to perform hajj at the earliest possible opportunity – this year. The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said:

“The one who intends to go for hajj should hurry; for sometimes he can get ill, his conveyance can go missing or some other obstacle may arise (which will hinder him from travelling).” (Ahmad)

Misconceptions and Lame Excuses

Many people delay the performance of hajj due to misconceptions which become lame excuses for not performing hajj. Inshā’allāh, I wish to clarify a few of these misunderstandings, so that those who find themselves in these situations can repent and make preparations immediately.

• Many people have enough wealth for them to go for hajj, but they wait to accrue enough wealth so that their spouse can also accompany them. If the husband has enough wealth then he should go for hajj immediately. And if the wife has enough wealth, and she has other mahārim with whom she can go for hajj, then she should go immediately too. The Sharī‘ah does not give either permission to postpone the hajj and wait for the other.

• Many people think that it is necessary that they make arrangements for their parents to perform hajj before they do. This too is incorrect in light of the Sharī‘ah. Undoubtedly, to make one’s parents perform hajj is a great virtue and honour; however, if hajj is not fard on them, but it is fard upon the children, then they should not concern themselves with their parents’ hajj at this moment and fulfil their own obligation. It is possible that in the children waiting for the parents - or in the case of the husband waiting for the wife or vice versa - the one upon whom hajj is fard passes away and is questioned by Allāh ta‘ālā for its non-fulfilment.

• Others delay embarking on the journey until certain worldly tasks have been completed. Remember! The targets of the world will never end. If it is one worldly target that is the excuse this year, then it will be another next year. The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said: 

“No servant leaves hajj for some worldly objective but that he will see the people returning from hajj before his worldly objective is fulfilled.” (At-Tabrānī)

Therefore, one should put aside any worldly goals he has in mind and fulfil the obligation of Allāh ta‘ālā first. It is also noteworthy to remember that it is from the ploys of Shaytān that he will never say, ‘Don’t perform hajj’, rather, he will make you defer its performance, year after year, until it’s too late.

• Similarly, many delay their hajj because of this hadīth:

“He who performs forty salāh in my masjid in such a way that he does not miss a single salāh, then Allāh prescribes his freedom from the Fire of Jahannam, freedom from punishment and freedom from hypocrisy.” (Ahmad) 

Many think that it is necessary to perform forty salāh in Al-Masjid An-Nabawī, and some have the desire and greed for this virtue, so they delay their performance of hajj as they cannot spare enough time or money to stay in Al-Madīnah for the duration of forty salāh. Hajj is for five days only, and it becomes fard upon that person who can only afford to go for the minimum time. The inability to travel to Al-Madīnah will not be a valid excuse not to perform hajj. Of course, after reaching so close to the blessed city of Al-Madīnah, one should endeavour to at least spend a day in the blessed city and visit Al-Masjid An-Nabawī, and present himself in the Court of Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam.

• Some believe that if their children have reached a marriageable age and are not yet married, then the parents cannot perform hajj until the children are married. This too has no basis whatsoever in the Sharī‘ah. 

• Some delay in travelling as they have small children at home. Once hajj becomes fard, they should seek suitable relatives, friends, etc. who can look after their children whilst they go for hajj; and they need not travel for long due to their circumstance and situation.

• Some delay their hajj as they think it is better to perform it in their old age closer to their death! This is a fallacy as they have no guarantee for how long they will live, and this idea is in complete contrast to the command of the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam to perform hajj at the earliest opportunity.

• Some delay performing the hajj as they only obtain a set number of days off work, and they postpone their journey hoping that they may get more days off next year and can spend more time in the Al-Haramayn. This too is not a valid Shar‘ī reason to postpone the hajj. They should go and spend whatever time they have available and absolve themselves of the obligation of hajj.

• Some delay the hajj, as they cannot afford to buy gifts for people, thus deferring their obligation until they have enough money that they can buy gifts for their loved and dear ones. This again is not a valid Shar‘ī excuse.

• Some delay in going for hajj as they cannot afford the ‘five star’, ‘deluxe’ or ‘golden’ package. From a Shar‘ī point of view, as soon as they can afford the cheapest most basic package, hajj becomes fard upon them.

• Others can afford a package, but as the package includes a hotel which is far from the Al-Haram, they are not able to read all five salāh in Al-Haram. This does not justify delaying the hajj. Remember, as long as the five days of hajj are part of the package, hajj will be fard upon them. 

• Some do not go for hajj on the pretext that they are not yet ready to change their lives. Such a thought is from Shaytān. Do we think the same when it comes to reading salāh or paying zakāh? And if this is the case, then change your life, for it is obligatory anyway! Moreover, inshā’allāh, through the barakah of hajj, the life will change for the better. Some go to the other extreme and have resolved to change their lives, but make comments such as, ‘My Īmān is not yet strong enough and I need to build on my Īmān.’ This thought too is from Shaytān. Hajj is a very important fundamental which helps to make one’s Īmān stronger.

Shaykh Muftī ‘Abdur Rahīm Lājpūrī rahimahullāh mentions with regards the permissible reasons for postponing hajj:

The following are reasons for which hajj may be postponed:

• Becoming bankrupt.

• Fear of a tyrannical leader.

• Being imprisoned.

• An unsafe journey.

• Illness because of which the person cannot travel.

• For a woman not to have a mahram or husband to accompany her.

• For a woman to be sitting in her ‘iddah.

He further states that although these factors justify postponing hajj; however, it will be compulsory to proceed with the journey as soon as they no longer exist.

Therefore, it is my heartfelt plea to those upon whom hajj is fard, that they embark on this blessed journey this very year. They should have trust in Allāh ta‘ālā for all their affairs and fulfil this obligation. 

May Allāh ta‘ālā remove all difficulties and hurdles that anyone may have and make hajj easy for one and all. 

Āmīn.

By Shaykh Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

Source