SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES OF SEXUAL RELATIONS - Islamic Guide

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- 1O- SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES OF SEXUAL RELATIONS

As AN OVERVIEW of the issues that have been discussed in this book, the following is a summary of acts that are Islamically recommended (mustahab), disliked (makrah) and prohibited (haram):

RECOMMENDED ACTS

1)      Engaging in sexual relations with correct intentions and objectives in mind.

2)      Approaching sexual relations with moderation.

3)      Engaging in sex in a state of relaxation and temperamental balance.

4)      Preparing for sexual relations both psychologically and physically.

5)      Ensuring cleanliness and personal hygiene.

6)      The wife adorning herself for her husband.

7)      The wife exhibiting feminine traits in front of her husband.

8)      The husband exhibiting affection towards his wife and preceding sex with kind words.

9)      Foreplay between the spouses before having sex.

10)  Covering up copies of the Qur'an and other Islamic literature during sexual relations.

11)  Reciting the various supplications.

12)  The husband waiting for the wife to achieve sexual climax.

13)  Being affectionate and considerate towards one's spouse after sex.

14)  Cleanliness after sexual relations.

15)  Having a ritual bath, or performing a ritual ablution, or at the least washing one's private parts before sleeping, eating or re-engaging in sexual relations.

PROHIBITED AND DISLIKED ACTS

1)      The wife refusing to make herself sexually available for her husband without a valid reason.

2)      The husband depriving his wife of her right of sex without a valid reason.

3)      Sex during menstruation and post-natal bleeding.

4)      The husband intentionally drinking his wife's milk [according to the Hanafi School].

5)      Using food during foreplay [disliked].

6)      Using sex aids during foreplay [disliked, but in some cases prohibited].

7)      Bondage and flogging.

8)      Sexually provocative dancing accompanied by music.

9)      Watching pornographic material for stimulation.

10)  Cross-dressing.

11)  Deriving sexual pleasure from urine and filth.

12)  Public display of affection, and sex in front of others.

13)  Couples taking intimate pictures of each other.

14)  Fantasising about another person during sex.

15)  Anal sex.

16)  Oral sex [disliked when sexual fluids do not enter the mouth, and prohibited when it involves sexual fluids entering the mouth].

17)  Self-masturbation via phone-sex with one's spouse.

18)  Revealing secrets of sexual relations to others.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

9. AFTER PLAY - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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-9- AFTER PLAY

ISLAMIC TEACHINGS WITH regard to sexual relations do not end at the termination of intercourse between the spouses, they go much beyond that. The time after having sex, which could be termed as "after play", is as important as foreplay and sex itself. There are many important rulings and etiquettes that need to kept in mind in this regard.

1)   Being Affectionate

After achieving sexual climax, both spouses should remain in their positions for a while before separating from one another. Islam teaches couples to be considerate and compassionate to one another at all times, and not only whilst having sex. A husband who is insensitive and unresponsive after sex will appear to his wife as though his interest in her is only in sexual gratification. As such, he should ensure that there are kind and affectionate exchanges, even after having sex.

2)   Cleanliness and Purification

After having sex, both spouses should clean their genital areas with clean pieces of cloth or tissue. If they had placed a sheet or cloth below them before having sex, which is recommended, that may be used in cleaning themselves, otherwise a separate cloth may be used.

Imam Ibn Qudama states in his Al-Mughn'i, "It is recommended (mustahab) for the wife to keep a piece of cloth with her that her husband can use after having sex and wipe himself with it, as Sayyida 'A'isha (r) said: "An astute woman should keep a piece of cloth with her. After her husband has sex with her, she should give it to him, so that he may wipe himself and she may wipe herself with it." (Al-Mughni" 8: 136)

Cleanliness after sex is of utmost importance. Some Muslim couples are extremely negligent in this regard, ignoring the fact that their bed-sheet and clothes may have become impure. It is strongly encouraged to lay a separate sheet of clothing specifically for sex, which can be put in the washing afterwards. If sexual fluids have come into contact with one's clothes or body parts, they must be purified with water before praying, otherwise, one's prayer will be invalid. The bedding should also be changed after having sex if sexual fluids have come into contact with it.

Couples need to remember that pre-ejaculatory fluid (madhy) is impure according to all the classical scholars. Madhy is "A thin white fluid that exits without force from a man or woman when sexually aroused but is not accompanied by an ejaculation". It can often be released without one being aware of it, and is more prevalent in women than men. Madhy only necessitates a ritual ablution (wudu) but is legally considered impure (najis), and so has to be washed if one's body or clothing is affected by it. Imam Nawawi: states that the whole Muslim Umma are in unanimous agreement that Madhy is impure. (See: Hashiya al-Tahtawi 'ala Maraqi al-Falah P:100, Al-Majmil' Sharh al-Muhadhdhab 2:395 & Al-Mughni 1:162)

As far as semen (many) is concerned, it is defined with respect to men as "A thick white fluid that gushes out with force from the penis causing it to slacken and reduce in size." With respect to women, it is the thin and yellow ejaculatory fluid. Many is the fluid with which Allah Most High Creates human beings. Allah Most High says:

"Does man think that he will be left unchecked? Was he not an ejaculated drop of semen (many)? Then he became a clot of blood, then He [Allah] Created [him] and made [him] perfect, and of him He made two sexes, male and female. Has He no power [then] to give life to the dead?"

(Qur'an 75:36-40)

There is a difference of opinion between classical scholars in regards to whether semen is impure or not. The Hanafi and Maliki schools consider it impure and require it to be cleansed from one's body and clothes. Conversely, the Shafi’i School and also the Hanbali School [according to the more authentic position related from Imam Ahmad] consider semen to be pure. However, all the Schools agree that the emission of semen necessitates a ritual bath (ghush for both the man and the woman. (Tahtaw'i 'ala Maraqi al-Falah P: 96 and Radd al-Muhtar: 312-314 for the Hanafi School, Al-Majmu' Sharh al-Muhadhdhab 1:395-396 for the Shafi'i School, Al-Mughni 1:197 & 1:735 for the Hanball School, and Hashiya al-Dasuqi 'ala 'l-Sharh, al-Kabir 1:92 for the Maliki’ School

3)   Urinating

It is recommended from a medical point of view to urinate after having sex. This allows

the remaining drops of semen to come out of one's system. One should avoid using exceedingly cold water when washing the private parts, since this can be harmful. (See: Ihya' 'Ulum al-Din with its commentary lthaf al-Sadat al-Mattaqin 6: 184, and Adab-e-Mubashrat P:28)

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

Advice For Men- How To Keep A Women Happy

Showering with One's Spouse - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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OTHER CONTEMPORARY FORMS OF FOREPLAY

3) Showering with One's Spouse

It is permitted for a husband and wife to bathe and have a shower together as part of their intimacy and foreplay, because the spouses are allowed to look at each other's naked bodies, as discussed earlier. It is established that the Messenger of Allah (sa) bathed with his wives. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah "- and I used to take a bath from a single pot of water, and our hands used to go in the pot after each other in turn."  

(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 258)

The Messenger of Allah (sa) is also reported to have bathed with Maymuna and Umm Salama (r) Imam Tahaw'i (of the Hanafi School, Imam Qurtubi (of the Maliki School and Imam Nawaw'i of the Shafi'i School all relate the agreement of the scholars on the permissibility of a man bathing together with his wife from a single pot. (Al-Ta'liq al­Mumajjad 'ala Muwatta' Muhammad 1:142-244)

4) Sexually Provocative Dancing

As a general rule, dancing, sexually provocative or otherwise, is unlawful and sinful if accompanied by music. Listening to mainstream music is decisively prohibited according to all four Sunni schools of lslamic law, and results in many personal and societal ills.

Musical instruments designed exclusively for entertainment and dancing, and which are capable of captivating the listener, even when unaccompanied by the human voice, such as the drum, violin, guitar, fiddle, flute, lute, mandolin, harmonium and piano, are all prohibited to use and listen to. The only exception is the duff, a plain tambourine without jingles attached to it. This has generally been unanimously agreed upon since the era of the Companions (Sahaba), their followers (tabi’un), jurists (fuqaha) and scholars. (Bada'i al-Sana'i 6:269, Mughni al-Muhtaj 4:429 and Al-Mughni 12:39)

Sayyiduna Abu Malik al-Ash'ari (r) relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah (sa) say:

"There will appear people in my Umma, who will hold fornication, silk, alcohol and musical instruments to be lawful..." 

(Sahih al­Bukhari 5268)

There are numerous hadiths about the prohibition of music. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami, the Imam of the Shafi'i school (may Allah have mercy on him), gathered all these hadiths, approximately forty, in his excellent work Kaff al-Ra'a 'an Muharramat al-Lahw wa'l-Sama', and then said, "All of this is explicit and compelling textual evidence that musical instruments of all types are unlawful." (2:270)

As such, it is sinful for a wife to dance in any way to "music", since listening to music is prohibited. This prohibition remains, even if she is dancing for her husband's pleasure in the privacy of their own room.

As for dancing in front of one's spouse in private without music, this is allowed provided it is innocent and decent dancing (even if sensual or provocative), and not associated with the corrupt and immoral such as lap-dancing, pole-dancing and belly-dancing. A believer must avoid acts that are distinguishably those of the corrupt, immoral and shameless. (See: Mughni al-Muhtaj 4:573, Radd al-Muhtar 4:259-260 and Al-Fatawa al-hadithiyya P: 298)

The ruling on the husband and wife dancing together is the same, in that if it is accompanied by music, it is unlawful, and permitted without music, provided one avoids imitating the lewdness of those corrupt and immoral.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....