Warning - Contents may have images/information that some viewers may find disturbing. Proceed with caution. One of the principles of sharee’ah (law) is that whatever leads to haraam deeds is itself haraam, so everything that leads to the provocation of haraam desires is haraam, because it may lead to a person falling into evil things. If you feel erotic while reading the post, please leave/close the page.
Allah Most High has made the
husband and wife garments for one another, for He Most High says:
"It is made lawful for you, in the
nights of fasts, to have sex with your women. They are your garments and you
are their garments ...”
(Qur'an 2:187)
It is known that if a garment
is not long, complete or loose-fitting, and not free of holes and tears, it is
not fit to cover one's nakedness. In a similar manner, the spouses are garments
for one another, and if they fail to conceal each other's secrets, they will
not be fulfilling their duties. Marital relationships are based on trust and
secrecy, and as such, each spouse is duty-bound to conceal matters that are
revealed to them by their spouse under this trust.
Concealing secrets is more
important when it comes to intimate issues. It is categorically forbidden (haram) for the husband and wife to reveal their sexual
secrets to others. It is a shameful and sinful practice that has been emphatically
condemned by the Messenger of Allah (sa). SayyidunaAba Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret."
(Sahih Muslim 1437)
The warning against revealing
sexual secrets is not only for men, but rather it includes women too. It is
unlawful to discuss with others what takes place in the bedroom. Sexual matters
are private and must remain that way. Sharing them brings such thoughts to the
minds of others, potentially leading to fornication of the heart. It is also a
means of harming one's spouse, as he or she would not want details of their sexual
behaviour revealed to others.
''We, as men and women, were
sitting in the company of the Messenger of Allah (sa). The Messenger of Allah (sa) said, "May a man be talking [with others] about what goes on
between him and his wife, and may a woman be talking [with others] about what
she does with her husband?" The people remained quiet and did not answer.
So I said, ''Yes, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! The men do that, and the
women do that too." He said, "Do not do that, because doing that is
like a male devil (shaytan) meeting a female devil (shaytana) in
the middle of a road, and having sex with her whilst people are watching."
(Al-Mu'jam al-Kalar of Tabarani 24: 162-163. A similar report is
recorded in Sunan Abi Dawud and Musnad Ahmad)
A tendency exists in some
people to relate graphic details of their sexual encounters to friends. Some
men boast about their performance in bed and what their wives do with them,
whilst some women enjoy boasting about their sexual relationship with their
husbands. The above hadiths should suffice in deterring such people. They
should realize that they are answerable to Allah Most High on the Day of
judgement, and must completely shun such shameless behaviour. This prohibition
of revealing intimate secrets pertains to normal situations. However, if there
is a genuine need to discuss one's marital affairs, such as when seeking
religious guidance or counselling, or when one is a victim of injustice and is
complaining to those in authority, then the prohibition is suspended. However,
in this case too, graphic details that do not need to be mentioned must not be
disclosed. (See: Al-Minhaj Shari} Sahih Muslim, commentary on hadith
1437)
ONCE A COUPLE spend sufficient
time in foreplay and feel they are ready, they may engage in actual sex and
penetration. There are many rules and etiquettes that need to be understood in
this regard.
1) Privacy
a) It is of extreme importance
that the spouses are alone when engaging in sexual relations. This is necessary
not only during actual intercourse but even during foreplay. The couple must
take means to ensure that they are away from the gazes of others, including
small children. Ibn al-Hajj al-Maliki mentions in his Al-Madkhal that
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r)would
even eject a small breast-feeding child from his room when intending to have
sex with his wife. Some scholars state that it is disliked to have even a cat
in the room when intending to engage in sexual relations. (Usul al-Mu'ashara
al-Zawjiyya P: 67)
In this regard, care must be
taken to close and lock the doors, so that no one is able to enter upon the
couple, even by mistake. The windows should be shut with the curtains drawn
properly, so that neighbours are unable to see in, even if inadvertently. This
is more important in a multistorey apartment complex or on a densely populated
street. Couples failing to give due importance to this will give others an
opportunity to see them engaging in sexual relations. This is a shameful and
sinful act that can never be allowed, as concealing one's nakedness in front of
others, especially when having sex, is an important obligation of Shari'a.
It is clear that there is no place for exhibitionism or
voyeurism in Islam. Some people derive pleasure from displaying their bodies or
their sexual acts in front of others. Islam completely rejects and condemns
such perverted practices of sexual gratification. As such, it is absolutely
unlawful and sinful to have sex in public places where there is a possibility
of being seen, such as in gardens, public parks, cars, beaches and patios or
balconies outside of apartment buildings. Sex in public is also against the law
in most countries, so not only would one be breaking the law of Allah, but also
the law of one's country and presenting oneself to disgrace and possible arrest
for indecent exposure.
b) The couple have to be
careful to conceal their act of sex so that others do not hear it. Imam Ghazali
records a hadith in his Ihya"Ulum al-Din: "The Messenger of Allah
(sa) would cover his head, lower his voice and say to his wife,
"Remain calm." Hafiz Zayn al-Din al-'Iraqi states that this hadith is reported by
Khatib al-Baghdadi from Umm Salama (r) with a weak chain of transmission. (See:
lthaf al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi Sharh lhya'' Ulum al-Din 6: 1 7 4)
As such, both the husband and
wife must avoid making any noise during sex that may be heard by others. It is
part of the etiquettes of sexual relations that the couple abstain from talking
excessively and making loud noises. This becomes even more important when there
may be others, such as parents, in the next room. Some couples do not care if
their family members or neighbours hear them having sex. Not only is this
sinful, but it also shows a lack of dignity. Couples who, despite trying, are
unable to control the noises they make during sex, should avoid making love
when others are close by. They should take means of going to a place where no
one is able to hear them. The jurists state that it is unlawful to have sex
even in the presence of a blind person, as he is able to hear them having sex.
(See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:208 and
Al-Mughni 8:135)
c) It is unlawful for a man who
has two wives to have sex with both of them simultaneously as a threesome, or
to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other, even if they both give
their consent to it. This is due to two reasons:
Firstly, it is impermissible
for a woman to look at the awra of another woman even if she is her
co-wife. The awra of a woman in front of other Muslim women is from her
navel up to and including her knees. (Al-Hidaya 4:461) The Messenger of Allah (sa) said in a hadith quoted earlier,
" ... and a woman should not look at the nakedness (awra) of another
woman" (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2793), without distinguishing between a
co-wife and another woman.
Secondly, sexual relations are
to be kept private between the two people involved. Islam prohibits the husband
and wife from discussing the details of their sexual behaviour with others. A hadith
in this regard was quoted earlier in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) said: 'The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret." (Sahih,
Muslim 1437)
Revealing the details of one's sexual behaviour could not be
more direct than actually having sex in front of another person. As such, this
practice is unlawful and sinful. This is
why it is stated in the Hanafi Fiqh reference work, Al-Fatawa al-Hind'iyya, "It is prohibitively disliked [i.e.
not permitted] to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other. So much
so that if the husband demands that she has sex with him [in
the other's presence], she does not have to make herself available, and by
refusing she is not considered a rebellious wife." (Al-Fatawa
al-Hindiyya 1:341)
Imam Ibn Qudama of the
Hanbali School states in his Al-Mughn'i, "If the two wives agree
that the husband have sex with one of them while the other watches, it is not
allowed, for this act is immoral, absurd and doing away with the sense of
honour (muru'a). As such, it is not permitted even with their
consent." (Al-Mughni 8:137. See also: Mughn'i al-Muhtaj 3:334
and Sharh al-Khursh'i 'ala Mukhtasr al-Khatil4:6)
d) As for having sex in front
of small children, if the child has reached an age of discernment (tamy'iz),
and so has the sense to comprehend what is taking place in front of him,
even if only partially, then it is prohibitively disliked and sinful for the
couple to have sex in his presence ( Radd al-Mu/J,tar 3:208).
Some Muslim couples are very
careless in this regard and display their sexual acts openly in front of their
young children and other family members. Islam is very clear when it comes to
public display of affection. It prohibits the display of intimacy and other sexual acts such as
kissing, hugging and caressing before others, including young children.
Allah Most High says:
"O you who believe, the slaves
owned by you, and the [children] among you who have not reached puberty, must
seek permission [before they come in your presence] on three occasions: before
Fajr prayer; and when you take off your clothes at noon, and after the 'Isha'
prayer. These are your three times of privacy."
(Qur'an 24:58)
In verse 27 of the same chapter
(surah), Allah Most High laid down the
rule that no person should enter the house of another without seeking
permission. This verse exempts children and slaves living in the same house
from this rule, and so have permission to enter the houses without specific
permission. However, there are three times of privacy in which they too are
required to seek permission. Imam Ibn Kathir states, "Servants and
children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these
times of privacy, for fear that the man may be having sex with his wife or
involved in other acts of sexual intimacy." ( Tafsir al-Qur'an al-Azim 3:404)
It is worth noting here that Shari'a instructs children
to seek permission before entering lest they see something of that which takes
place between the spouses. If this is the case, then how dishonourable would it
be to do such things openly and deliberately in front of them?
Nafi' relates from Sayyiduna
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) that when his child would reach the age of discernment, he would have
him removed [from his room], hence he would not be allowed to enter except with his permission." (Al-Adab
al-Mufrad oflmam Bukhari 1058)
Masa ibn Talha says, "I
tried entering my mother's room with my father. He went in and I followed him.
He turned and pushed me in the chest so that I fell on my bottom. Then he said,
"Are you entering without permission?" (Al-Adab al-Mufrad 1061)
Muslim parents who display
sexual acts in front of their children must realise they are making a grave
mistake. They are wrong in thinking that these are merely young children
without the capability of understanding such matters. In fact, this has an
extremely negative effect on their children's upbringing. Children are created
with this natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their affairs, so it
is possible that they may try to imitate their parents, even though playfully,
and do the same things with other children. The destructive consequences of this
are clear.
In addition, doing such things
openly is contrary to modesty and decency. Islam teaches its followers to be
dignified, and prohibits them from engaging in any action that would lead to an
immoral atmosphere.
The Messenger of Allah (sa)was a practical example of modesty and bashfulness.
Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)was more bashful than the virgin behind her curtain
[or in her private quarters], and when he disliked something, we recognised it
from his face."
(Sahih, Muslim 2320)
As such, couples must avoid
having sex or displaying their intimate and sexual acts such as kissing,
hugging, caressing and fondling one another in the presence of young children.
If the child has reached an age of discernment, then this is sinful.
As for sexual relations in a
room where a small baby is sleeping, this too should be avoided wherever
possible. It was mentioned earlier that the
predecessors (salaf) would avoid sexual relations in a room where a small
child of the age of breast-feeding, less than two years of age, or an animal
was present. As such, it is somewhat disliked to engage in sexual relations in
their presence, but not unlawful (haram) per se.
e) Recently a question was
posed to the author about the permissibility of a couple taking intimate
pictures of each other or recording themselves having sex, and then looking at
the photos or watching the video.
Regardless of the difference of
opinion amongst contemporary scholars about the ruling on photography, and even
though the position taken by many scholars is that photographs fall under the rubric
of picture-making (taswir) of living creatures and humans, which is
explicitly forbidden in over 20 authenticated hadiths, taking nude pictures of
one's spouse or recording sexual relations and then looking at the images
cannot be considered permissible at all.
The reason for this is clear.
By taking such pornographic images, one is potentially giving others the
opportunity to see one's nakedness, and this is impermissible. The sexual
images could be misplaced or lost and come into the hands of a stranger.
Imagine the reaction if the images or videos found their way into the hands of
the couple's children! Even if the images are secured and hidden, the
possibility still remains that someone may see them, even if all precautions
are taken. Some unusual occurrence can transpire making it possible for a third
person to get hold of the images. Preventing an evil before it actually happens
is a well-established principle of Islamic jurisprudence.
In addition, such practices
contradict the modesty that Islam commands. The couple are only permitted to
look at each other's naked bodies because of the need for it during sexual
relations, and even then, it is superior for them to avoid doing so.
In conclusion, it is not
allowed for the couple to take nude images of themselves for viewing later on.
This is disregarding the fact that many scholars hold photography to be
impermissible.
Foreplaycan take many forms,
and it is best left to the couple to discover what
stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however,
must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here:
1) Kissing
a) Kissing one's spouse is an
essential part of foreplay and a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa)Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)kissed one of his wives and then left for prayer
without performing ablution." Urwa [the narrator from 'A'isha] says,
"I asked 'A'isha, "It must have been you?" [Upon hearing this] 'A'isha
smiled."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 86, Sunan Abi Dawud 181 and Sunan
al-Nasa'i 170)
This hadith indicates that
kissing one's spouse is recommended, and it demonstrates the importance of
kissing one's wife whenever one enters or leaves the house. This was the Sunna
of the beloved Messenger of Allah (sa)and it is inappropriate for a man to leave his house without
greeting his wife affectionately with kisses or to return home questioning
first whether the food is ready, or whether someone had called!
Passionate kissing (or French
kissing) is also a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa)Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)would kiss her whilst he was fasting, and he would
suck on her tongue."
(Sunan Ab'i Dawud 2378)
[Note that according to the Hanafi
and most other jurists, kissing one's spouse passionately to the point that it
results in the exchange of saliva invalidates one's fast, necessitating both a
make-up (qada) fast and expiation (kaffara). (Maraq'i al Falah, P:
667). As far as this hadith is concerned, in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) kissed his wife passionately whilst
fasting, scholars explain that, firstly, the Messenger of Allah (sa) would ensure not to swallow her
saliva. The sucking on the tongue was very restrained and not to the point
where saliva was exchanged and swallowed. Secondly, it is possible to interpret
it, so that sucking on the tongue is not connected to fasting. As such, the
meaning of the hadith is that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would kiss Sayyida
'A'isha (r) whilst he was fasting, and normally
when he kissed her, he would kiss her passionately and suck on her tongue (but
not necessarily whilst fasting). (See: Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Fath al-Bar'i 4:195
and Khalil Ahmad Saharanpuri, Badhi al-Majhud fihal Abi Dawud 11 :202-203)]
In this way, both spouses
should kiss each other passionately during foreplay, and there is nothing wrong
if saliva is exchanged. Licking or sucking each other's tongues is not only
allowed, but a Sunna of the beloved of Allah (sa). One may also suck the lower or upper lip of one's spouse. Biting
softly on the lip is also allowed, provided the spouse is not hurt or harmed by
it.
b) Kissing is not restricted to
the lips and mouth. One may also kiss other parts of the body such as the
cheeks, forehead, tip of the nose, behind the ear or suck on the earlobe, the
eyelid, back of the neck, palm of the hand, fingers, wrist, forearm, waist,
stomach, navel, chest and breast, spine, behind the knees, thighs and the leg.
In other words, it is permitted to shower one's spouse with kisses all over.
Just as kissing these body parts is permitted, it is likewise allowed to lick
them.
As for the area close to the
genitalia, one must ensure that no impurity comes into contact with the mouth,
since consuming impurities is explicitly forbidden. It is best to avoid getting
too close to the genital area with the mouth. This will be explained in more
detail in the section pertaining to "oral sex" Insha' Allah.
c) Biting or sucking hard on
one's spouse's body can leave marks, or love bites, particularly on the neck.
These bruises are the result of burst blood vessels beneath the skin and last
between 4 to 5 days, depending on the individual.
From an Islamic perspective,
public display of affection is not permitted. Likewise, anything that hints at
a sexual encounter is frowned upon. Islam emphasises modesty and dignity, and
prohibits acts that could lead to immorality.
Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)passed by a man of the Ansar who was reprimanding his brother
regarding shyness (haya), so the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"Leave him, for modesty is
from faith (iman)." (Sahih al-Bukhari 24)
Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret."
(Sahih
Muslim 1437)
Based on this, if a love bite
is left on a part of the body that is normally covered, such as the stomach or
back, then this is permitted. However, leaving a mark on an exposed area so
that people can conclude what took place between the spouses is not permitted.
If a mark is left on the neck, proper care must be taken to cover it until the
mark disappears. It is contrary to Islam to show off that their spouse left a mark on
their body. This is unlawful behaviour.
d) Kissing, licking, sucking and
generally fondling the wife's breasts is not only permitted, but is one of the
most effective ways of sexually arousing her. As such, the husband should not
neglect this.
However, according to the Hanafi
School, contrary to some other Schools, a man is not permitted to drink his
wife's milk, and it is sinful to do so intentionally. Imam Haskafi states,
"It (milk) is a part of a human being and to make use of it without a real
need to do so is unlawful." (Radd al-Muhtar 3:211)
This indicates that deriving
benefit in any manner from a part of a human being without a genuine need is
unlawful. The baby's drinking of the mother's milk is an exception, based on
textual permission, due to the real need (darura) to do so. Consequently, if the wife has
milk in her breasts and it is feared that milk will enter the mouth, then the
husband should avoid sucking on them. Whilst sucking, if milk does enter the
mouth, it is necessary to spit it out straight away.
It is important to note that while it is unlawful to
drink one's wife's milk intentionally, one's marriage is not affected by it.
Some individuals mistakenly believe that drinking the wife's milk nullifies the
marriage. The rulings of suckling (raqa' a), which would entail the
woman becoming a foster-mother, apply only to children who are breastfed in the
period designated for it, and are of no significance after this. Sayyida 'A'isha
(r) relates:
"Once the Messenger of Allah
(sa)entered my house whilst a man was with me. He said,
"O 'A'isha! Who is this?" I replied, "My foster brother."
He said, "O 'A'isha! Be careful in determining who your foster-brother is,
for suckling is only valid if it takes place in the suckling period."
(Sahih
al-Bukhar'i 2504 & Sah'ih Muslim 1455, the wording is of Bukhar'i
)
Based on this hadith, all four Sunni
schools of Islamic law agree that suckling and milk given to an adult is of
no significance and does not establish anything. (Al-Mughni" 9:201-202)
Finally, the wife may also kiss
and suck on her husband's chest and nipples. There is no Shari'a restriction in
this regard.
e) The question of eating or licking
food off the spouse's body is often asked. There is no doubt that this practice
is contrary to Islamic etiquettes, morality and religious propriety. Food
should not be consumed directly with the mouth, but rather one should use one's
hand. In addition, there are many etiquettes and Sunnas related to
eating that cannot be fulfilled. Food is a blessing (ni’ma) from Allah Most High, and the Shari'a prescribes
many etiquettes when eating, such as uttering the name of Allah when starting,
thanking Allah when finished, eating what is directly in front of one, eating
with one's right hand, not eating whilst resting against something and so on.
As such, disrespecting food in any
way, including placing it on the body especially close to places that may be impure,
is contrary to Islamic teachings. One should avoid this practice altogether,
since there are many other ways of enjoying foreplay that are in accordance with the etiquettes and noble
manners of Islam.
