Sleeping - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

1)   Sleeping in a State of Major Ritual Impurity (janaba)

a) It is recommended for the couple to hasten in having a ritual bath after sexual relations. One should endeavour to end one's state of Janaba as soon as possible, as it releases one from the restrictions of ritual impurity.

Sayyiduna 'Ali (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"The angels do not enter a house in which there is a picture, a dog, or a person in a state of major ritual impurity [a junub]." 

(Sunan Abi Dawud 229)

This hadith is referring to an individual who unnecessarily remains in a state of major ritual impurity for a considerable length of time to the extent that the obligatory (fard) prayers are delayed. In such a case, one is sinful; otherwise it is not obligatory to have a bath directly after sexual relations. It is permitted, without dislike, to go to sleep in a state of janaba, even though having a bath is superior. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) would sleep while he was in a state of major ritual impurity without touching water." 

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 118, Sunan Abi Dawud 230 and Sunan Ibn Majah 581)

The author of the commentary of Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Tuhfat al­Ahwadhi, states: "In this hadith, there is proof that it is permitted for a junub to go to sleep before having a bath and before performing an ablution." (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi bi Sharh Jami' al-Tirmidhi 1:397)

Ghudayf ibn al-Harith relates:

"I asked 'A'isha, "Have you seen the Messenger of Allah (sa) having a bath of janaba at the beginning of the night or at the end?" She replied, "Sometimes he would have a bath at the beginning of the night and sometimes at the end." And so I said, "Allah is Most Great. All Praise be to Allah Who put ease in the matter. .."  

(Sunan Abi Dawud 228 and others)

Imam Nawawi states, 'The conclusion of these hadiths is that it is permitted for a junub to eat, drink, sleep and have sex before having a bath. This is something that is agreed upon by all the scholars [ ... ] The meaning [of the hadith in which it is mentioned that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would sleep without touching water] is that on a few occasions, he would not touch water at all in order to indicate permissibility [of going to sleep in such a state]. Had the Messenger of Allah (sa) continuously used water, it would have been presumed that using water is necessary, and Allah knows best." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 372-373)

b) If one wishes to sleep without having a bath, one is encouraged to perform a ritual ablution (wudu)  Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:

''Whenever the Messenger of Allah (sa) intended to sleep in a state of major ritual impurity, he would wash his private parts and perform ablution like that for the prayer."  

(Sahih al-Bukhari 284 and Sahih Muslim 305, the wording is of Bukhari)

Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (sa) "Can any one of us sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity?" He replied:

''Yes, if one performs ablution, one can sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity." (Sahih al-Bukhari 283, Sahih Muslim 306 and Sunan al-Tirmidhi 120, the wording is of Bukhari)

Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) mentioned to the Messenger of Allah (sa) that he becomes junub at night. The Messenger of Allah (sa) said to him:

"Perform ablution and wash your private parts, then go to sleep."  

(Sahih al-Bukhari 286 and Sahih Muslim 306)

With the exception of the isolated position of a handful of scholars, such as Dawud al-Zahiri and Ibn al-Habib al-Maliki, the general body of scholars (jumhur) hold that performing ablution before going to sleep is recommended, not obligatory. In other words, one would be rewarded for performing ablution but not sinful for omitting it.

This is supported by the narration recorded by Imam Ibn Khuzayma and Imam Ibn Hibban in their respective Salah collections that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (sa): "Can any one of us sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity?" He replied:

''Yes, he may sleep, and perform ablution if he so wishes." (Sahih Ibn Khuzayma 211 )

Likewise, the hadith of Sayyida 'A'isha (r) quoted earlier that "the Messenger of Allah (sa)'' would sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity without touching water" is a proof that performing an ablution is not obligatory. Imam Nawawi states, "It is recommended to perform ablution and wash one's private parts before these matters [i.e. sleeping, eating, drinking and the like] [ ... ] Our scholars have clearly stated that it is [somewhat] disliked to sleep, eat, drink and have sex before performing ablution, and these hadiths would indicate that. However, there is no difference of opinion according to us that this performing of ablution is not obligatory (wajib). This is the opinion of Imam Malik and the majority of scholars ... " (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahiih Muslim P: 372)

c) If one is unable to perform a ritual ablution, one should at least clean and wash one's private parts, as mentioned in the hadith of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) recorded by Imam Bukhari . This is the last of the three stages. However, in this case also, there is no sin for not washing one's private parts, since it is reported that the Messenger of Allah (sa) retired to bed ''without touching water".

In conclusion, there are three stages here: 

• The optimum is to perform the ritual bath and then sleep; 
• if that is not possible, a ritual ablution should be performed; and 
• if that is not possible, one should at least wash one's private parts. 

However, if none of the above three actions are performed, one will still not be guilty of committing a sin.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

Kissing - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

Foreplay can take many forms, and it is best left to the couple to discover what stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however, must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here: 

1) Kissing

a) Kissing one's spouse is an essential part of foreplay and a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa) Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) kissed one of his wives and then left for prayer without performing ablution." Urwa [the narrator from 'A'isha] says, "I asked 'A'isha, "It must have been you?" [Upon hearing this] 'A'isha smiled."  

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 86, Sunan Abi Dawud 181 and Sunan al-Nasa'i 170)

This hadith indicates that kissing one's spouse is recommended, and it demonstrates the importance of kissing one's wife whenever one enters or leaves the house. This was the Sunna of the beloved Messenger of Allah (sa) and it is inappropriate for a man to leave his house without greeting his wife affectionately with kisses or to return home questioning first whether the food is ready, or whether someone had called!

Passionate kissing (or French kissing) is also a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa) Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) would kiss her whilst he was fasting, and he would suck on her tongue."  

(Sunan Ab'i Dawud 2378)

[Note that according to the Hanafi and most other jurists, kissing one's spouse passionately to the point that it results in the exchange of saliva invalidates one's fast, necessitating both a make-up (qada) fast and expiation (kaffara). (Maraq'i al­ Falah, P: 667). As far as this hadith is concerned, in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) kissed his wife passionately whilst fasting, scholars explain that, firstly, the Messenger of Allah (sa) would ensure not to swallow her saliva. The sucking on the tongue was very restrained and not to the point where saliva was exchanged and swallowed. Secondly, it is possible to interpret it, so that sucking on the tongue is not connected to fasting. As such, the meaning of the hadith is that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would kiss Sayyida 'A'isha (r) whilst he was fasting, and normally when he kissed her, he would kiss her passionately and suck on her tongue (but not necessarily whilst fasting). (See: Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Fath al-Bar'i 4:195 and Khalil Ahmad Saharanpuri, Badhi al-Majhud fihal Abi Dawud 11 :202-203)]

In this way, both spouses should kiss each other passionately during foreplay, and there is nothing wrong if saliva is exchanged. Licking or sucking each other's tongues is not only allowed, but a Sunna of the beloved of Allah (sa). One may also suck the lower or upper lip of one's spouse. Biting softly on the lip is also allowed, provided the spouse is not hurt or harmed by it.

b) Kissing is not restricted to the lips and mouth. One may also kiss other parts of the body such as the cheeks, forehead, tip of the nose, behind the ear or suck on the earlobe, the eyelid, back of the neck, palm of the hand, fingers, wrist, forearm, waist, stomach, navel, chest and breast, spine, behind the knees, thighs and the leg. In other words, it is permitted to shower one's spouse with kisses all over. Just as kissing these body parts is permitted, it is likewise allowed to lick them.

As for the area close to the genitalia, one must ensure that no impurity comes into contact with the mouth, since consuming impurities is explicitly forbidden. It is best to avoid getting too close to the genital area with the mouth. This will be explained in more detail in the section pertaining to "oral sex" Insha' Allah.

c) Biting or sucking hard on one's spouse's body can leave marks, or love bites, particularly on the neck. These bruises are the result of burst blood vessels beneath the skin and last between 4 to 5 days, depending on the individual.

From an Islamic perspective, public display of affection is not permitted. Likewise, anything that hints at a sexual encounter is frowned upon. Islam emphasises modesty and dignity, and prohibits acts that could lead to immorality.

Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) passed by a man of the Ansar who was reprimanding his brother regarding shyness (haya), so the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"Leave him, for modesty is from faith (iman)." (Sahih al-Bukhari 24)

Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"The most evil of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret."  

(Sahih Muslim 1437)

Based on this, if a love bite is left on a part of the body that is normally covered, such as the stomach or back, then this is permitted. However, leaving a mark on an exposed area so that people can conclude what took place between the spouses is not permitted. If a mark is left on the neck, proper care must be taken to cover it until the mark disappears. It is contrary to Islam to show off that their spouse left a mark on their body. This is unlawful behaviour.

d) Kissing, licking, sucking and generally fondling the wife's breasts is not only permitted, but is one of the most effective ways of sexually arousing her. As such, the husband should not neglect this.

However, according to the Hanafi School, contrary to some other Schools, a man is not permitted to drink his wife's milk, and it is sinful to do so intentionally. Imam Haskafi states, "It (milk) is a part of a human being and to make use of it without a real need to do so is unlawful." (Radd al-Muhtar 3:211)

This indicates that deriving benefit in any manner from a part of a human being without a genuine need is unlawful. The baby's drinking of the mother's milk is an exception, based on textual permission, due to the real need (darura) to do so. Consequently, if the wife has milk in her breasts and it is feared that milk will enter the mouth, then the husband should avoid sucking on them. Whilst sucking, if milk does enter the mouth, it is necessary to spit it out straight away.

It is important to note that while it is unlawful to drink one's wife's milk intentionally, one's marriage is not affected by it. Some individuals mistakenly believe that drinking the wife's milk nullifies the marriage. The rulings of suckling (raqa' a), which would entail the woman becoming a foster-mother, apply only to children who are breastfed in the period designated for it, and are of no significance after this. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:

"Once the Messenger of Allah (sa) entered my house whilst a man was with me. He said, "O 'A'isha! Who is this?" I replied, "My foster­ brother." He said, "O 'A'isha! Be careful in determining who your foster-brother is, for suckling is only valid if it takes place in the suckling period."  

(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 2504 & Sah'ih Muslim 1455, the wording is of Bukhar'i )

Based on this hadith, all four Sunni schools of Islamic law agree that suckling and milk given to an adult is of no significance and does not establish anything. (Al-Mughni" 9:201-202)

Finally, the wife may also kiss and suck on her husband's chest and nipples. There is no Shari'a restriction in this regard.

e) The question of eating or licking food off the spouse's body is often asked. There is no doubt that this practice is contrary to Islamic etiquettes, morality and religious propriety. Food should not be consumed directly with the mouth, but rather one should use one's hand. In addition, there are many etiquettes and Sunnas related to eating that cannot be fulfilled. Food is a blessing (ni’ma) from Allah Most High, and the Shari'a prescribes many etiquettes when eating, such as uttering the name of Allah when starting, thanking Allah when finished, eating what is directly in front of one, eating with one's right hand, not eating whilst resting against something and so on.

As such, disrespecting food in any way, including placing it on the body especially close to places that may be impure, is contrary to Islamic teachings. One should avoid this practice altogether, since there are many other ways of enjoying foreplay that are in accordance with the etiquettes and noble manners of Islam.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

Sexual Relations during Menstruation (haydh) and Post-Natal Bleeding ( nifas)

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

SEXUAL RELATIONS DURING MENSTRUATION (HAYD)

AND POSTNATAL BLEEDING (NIFAS)

1)      Having sex during menstruation is absolutely and emphatically unlawful (haram) as established by the explicit text of the Qur'an and numerous Prophetic hadiths. There is complete scholarly consensus (ijma') within the Muslim Umma on this. Allah Most High says:

'They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: "It is an impurity. So keep away from women during menstruation; and do not approach them until they are cleansed. But when they are cleansed, then approach them from where Allah has commanded you. Surely Allah loves those who are most repenting, and loves those who keep themselves pure."

(Qur'an 2:222)

Sayyiduna Anas (r) relates:

"Among the Jews, when a woman menstruated, they did not eat with her, nor did they live with menstruating women in their houses. So the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (s) asked the Messenger of Allah (s) [regarding this practice], so Allah Most High revealed: "They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: "It is an impurity. So keep away from women during menstruation" till the end of the verse. Thus, the Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Do everything except for sex."  

(Sahih Muslim 302)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates from the Messenger of Allah (sa) that he said:

"The one who has sex with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her anus, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved (kufr) in that which was revealed to Muhammad (sa)"  

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 135)

The "kufr'' mentioned in this hadith is to indicate the severity (taghliz)  of these actions, in that sex during menstruation, anal sex and accepting as true what a fortune-teller says are acts that are close to disbelief. Others hold that if these acts are carried out whilst considering them to be lawful (istihlalan), one would leave the fold of Islam without doubt. (See: Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi bi Sharh Jami’ al-Tirmidhi 1:440)

Imam Nawawi states, "Having actual sex with one's spouse [during menstruation] is unlawful by the consensus of the Muslims due to the explicit texts of the Qur'an and Sunna. Our scholars state that a Muslim who considers having actual vaginal sex with a menstruating woman as lawful has become a disbeliever (kafir) and an apostate (murtad). Someone who indulges in this without considering it to be lawful, and does it forgetfully (nisyan), or without knowing that the woman was menstruating, or is ignorant of its prohibition, or was compelled, then no sin was committed and he is not required to expiate for it. However, if he has sex with her deliberately, knowing that she is menstruating, knowing of its prohibition and with a free choice, then he has certainly committed a major sin (kabira). Imam Shafi'i (may Allah have mercy on him) has stressed that it is a major sin, and sincere repentance is necessary." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 366)

Sex during menstruation is also harmful from a medical point of view. Research has discovered that menstrual flow contains certain toxic substances that can be detrimental if they enter into the male body or are prevented a clear passage of flow from the female body. This can occur when having sex while the woman is menstruating. Hence, sex during menstruation has resulted in an increase in both men and women being inflicted with various types of painful and often fatal blood-borne diseases. (African journal of Reproductive Health Vol. 8,No. 2,Aug. 2004 pp. 55-58)

As such, the spouses must completely avoid sex during the period of menstruation. If they ever engage in it, they must sincerely repent and ask Allah Most High for forgiveness. They should also give something in charity as a form of expiation.

Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas (r) relates from the Messenger of Allah (s) regarding a man who has sex with his wife while she is menstruating that:

"He should give a half dinar in charity." (Sunan al-Tirmidh'i 136)

The majority of the classical scholars, including Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Malik and Imam Shafi'i (may Allah have mercy on them all), consider giving something in charity to be optional, and not a requirement for the acceptance of one's repentance (tawba). As such, seeking forgiveness from Allah Most High is sufficient. However, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him) and some others hold that giving something in charity is necessary along with sincere repentance. (See: Al-Minhaj Sharah Sahih Muslim P: 366-367)

2)      All the Sunni Schools of Islamic law (madhhabs) are in agreement that it is permitted for the husband to derive sexual pleasure from his wife through direct skin-to-skin contact of the area above her navel and below her knees. As such, kissing, hugging, embracing is all permitted. The husband may touch any area of the wife's body from above the navel and below the knees with his hands, his penis or any other part of his body. It is also permitted for the wife to masturbate her husband, since the husband is not touching any area that is in between her navel and knees. Shaykh Abu Hamid al-Isfira'in'i and many others relate a complete scholarly consensus on this. (Al Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 367)

Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:

''When anyone amongst us [i.e. the wives of the Messenger of Allah (s)] menstruated, the Messenger of Allah (s) would order her to wear an "izar [i.e. covering between the navel and knee], and then approach her."  

(Sahih Muslim 293)

Imam ibn Hakim (S) relates from his paternal uncle that:

"He asked the Messenger of Allah ... ''What is permitted for me to do with my wife when she is menstruating?" He said, ''Whatever is above the covering (Izar)."  

(Sunan Abi Dawud 214)

It is stated in the Hanafi Fiqh reference work Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, "It is permitted to kiss one's menstruating wife, sleep with her and enjoy her entire body, except for that which is in between the navel and knees according to Imam Abu Han'ifa and Imam Abu Yusuf..." (Al­Fatawa al-Hindiyya 1 :39)

Imam Ibn 'Abidin states in his Radd al-Muhtar, "It is permitted to enjoy the navel and everything above it, and the knee and everything below it, even without a barrier." (Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 1:292)

3)      As for the area between the navel and knees, the majority of the scholars, including Imam Abu Han'ifa, Imam Malik and Imam Shafi'i, hold that direct skin-to-skin contact of that area is not permitted, irrespective of the presence or absence of sexual desire (shahwa). However, indirect contact, such as stimulation through a barrier [like clothing] is permissible. Therefore, it is permitted for the husband to rub his private parts against his wife's private parts if there is some sort of clothing in between that prevents the transfer of body-heat. This position is based on the hadith's in which there is mention of wearing the covering (izar) .

Imam Ibn 'Abidin , of the Hanafi School, states, "It is also permitted to enjoy that which is in between the navel and knees but with a barrier [such as clothing], without actual sex, even if blood spreads all over." (Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 1 : 292)

However, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Imam Muhammad ibn al-Hasan, Imam Nawaw'i and some other scholars hold that it is permitted for the husband to touch the area between the navel and knees of his wife's body, even without a barrier, as long as the actual vagina and anus are avoided. They base their position on the statement of the Messenger of Allah (s) where he said, "Do everything except for sex." (For further details on the various positions of the Imams, see: Fath al-Bari 1:525 & Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 367)

4)      Finally, according to Imam Shafi'i, Imam Malik, Imam Ahmad and the majority of early (salaf) and late (khalaf) scholars, the restriction on sexual relations remains even after menstruation ends until the wife takes the obligatory ritual bath (ghusl) or, in the absence of water, a dry ablution (tayammum). (Al-Minhaj P: 367)

According to the Hanafi School, however, there is some detail regarding this. If menstruation ends after the ten-day maximum duration, then sex is permitted, even without a ritual bath, though having a bath is recommended. When menstruation ends before the ten-day maximum duration, and it is after the completion of her normal menstrual habit ('ada), then sex is permitted only after having a bath or the passing of one whole prayer-time. If it ends before the completion of her normal menstrual habit, it remains prohibited and sinful to have sex, even after she bathes, until she completes her normal habit. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 1:294 and lmdad al-Fattah Sharh Nur al-Idah P: 141-142)

It should be noted that the rules pertaining to menstruation also apply to postnatal bleeding (nifas). As far as abnormal uterine bleeding (istihada) is concerned, there are no sexual restrictions and it is permitted for the couple to have sex in this period even if blood spreads all over, though the wife should wash and remove traces of blood before sexual relations. (Radd al-Muhtar 1:294)

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....