READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING
Foreplay can take many forms,
and it is best left to the couple to discover what
stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however,
must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here:
1) Kissing
a) Kissing one's spouse is an
essential part of foreplay and a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa) Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa) kissed one of his wives and then left for prayer
without performing ablution." Urwa [the narrator from 'A'isha] says,
"I asked 'A'isha, "It must have been you?" [Upon hearing this] 'A'isha
smiled."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 86, Sunan Abi Dawud 181 and Sunan
al-Nasa'i 170)
This hadith indicates that
kissing one's spouse is recommended, and it demonstrates the importance of
kissing one's wife whenever one enters or leaves the house. This was the Sunna
of the beloved Messenger of Allah (sa) and it is inappropriate for a man to leave his house without
greeting his wife affectionately with kisses or to return home questioning
first whether the food is ready, or whether someone had called!
Passionate kissing (or French
kissing) is also a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa) Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa) would kiss her whilst he was fasting, and he would
suck on her tongue."
(Sunan Ab'i Dawud 2378)
[Note that according to the Hanafi
and most other jurists, kissing one's spouse passionately to the point that it
results in the exchange of saliva invalidates one's fast, necessitating both a
make-up (qada) fast and expiation (kaffara). (Maraq'i al Falah, P:
667). As far as this hadith is concerned, in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) kissed his wife passionately whilst
fasting, scholars explain that, firstly, the Messenger of Allah (sa) would ensure not to swallow her
saliva. The sucking on the tongue was very restrained and not to the point
where saliva was exchanged and swallowed. Secondly, it is possible to interpret
it, so that sucking on the tongue is not connected to fasting. As such, the
meaning of the hadith is that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would kiss Sayyida
'A'isha (r) whilst he was fasting, and normally
when he kissed her, he would kiss her passionately and suck on her tongue (but
not necessarily whilst fasting). (See: Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Fath al-Bar'i 4:195
and Khalil Ahmad Saharanpuri, Badhi al-Majhud fihal Abi Dawud 11 :202-203)]
In this way, both spouses
should kiss each other passionately during foreplay, and there is nothing wrong
if saliva is exchanged. Licking or sucking each other's tongues is not only
allowed, but a Sunna of the beloved of Allah (sa). One may also suck the lower or upper lip of one's spouse. Biting
softly on the lip is also allowed, provided the spouse is not hurt or harmed by
it.
b) Kissing is not restricted to
the lips and mouth. One may also kiss other parts of the body such as the
cheeks, forehead, tip of the nose, behind the ear or suck on the earlobe, the
eyelid, back of the neck, palm of the hand, fingers, wrist, forearm, waist,
stomach, navel, chest and breast, spine, behind the knees, thighs and the leg.
In other words, it is permitted to shower one's spouse with kisses all over.
Just as kissing these body parts is permitted, it is likewise allowed to lick
them.
As for the area close to the
genitalia, one must ensure that no impurity comes into contact with the mouth,
since consuming impurities is explicitly forbidden. It is best to avoid getting
too close to the genital area with the mouth. This will be explained in more
detail in the section pertaining to "oral sex" Insha' Allah.
c) Biting or sucking hard on
one's spouse's body can leave marks, or love bites, particularly on the neck.
These bruises are the result of burst blood vessels beneath the skin and last
between 4 to 5 days, depending on the individual.
From an Islamic perspective,
public display of affection is not permitted. Likewise, anything that hints at
a sexual encounter is frowned upon. Islam emphasises modesty and dignity, and
prohibits acts that could lead to immorality.
Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) passed by a man of the Ansar who was reprimanding his brother
regarding shyness (haya), so the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"Leave him, for modesty is
from faith (iman)." (Sahih al-Bukhari 24)
Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret."
(Sahih
Muslim 1437)
Based on this, if a love bite
is left on a part of the body that is normally covered, such as the stomach or
back, then this is permitted. However, leaving a mark on an exposed area so
that people can conclude what took place between the spouses is not permitted.
If a mark is left on the neck, proper care must be taken to cover it until the
mark disappears. It is contrary to Islam to show off that their spouse left a mark on
their body. This is unlawful behaviour.
d) Kissing, licking, sucking and
generally fondling the wife's breasts is not only permitted, but is one of the
most effective ways of sexually arousing her. As such, the husband should not
neglect this.
However, according to the Hanafi
School, contrary to some other Schools, a man is not permitted to drink his
wife's milk, and it is sinful to do so intentionally. Imam Haskafi states,
"It (milk) is a part of a human being and to make use of it without a real
need to do so is unlawful." (Radd al-Muhtar 3:211)
This indicates that deriving
benefit in any manner from a part of a human being without a genuine need is
unlawful. The baby's drinking of the mother's milk is an exception, based on
textual permission, due to the real need (darura) to do so. Consequently, if the wife has
milk in her breasts and it is feared that milk will enter the mouth, then the
husband should avoid sucking on them. Whilst sucking, if milk does enter the
mouth, it is necessary to spit it out straight away.
It is important to note that while it is unlawful to
drink one's wife's milk intentionally, one's marriage is not affected by it.
Some individuals mistakenly believe that drinking the wife's milk nullifies the
marriage. The rulings of suckling (raqa' a), which would entail the
woman becoming a foster-mother, apply only to children who are breastfed in the
period designated for it, and are of no significance after this. Sayyida 'A'isha
(r) relates:
"Once the Messenger of Allah
(sa) entered my house whilst a man was with me. He said,
"O 'A'isha! Who is this?" I replied, "My foster brother."
He said, "O 'A'isha! Be careful in determining who your foster-brother is,
for suckling is only valid if it takes place in the suckling period."
(Sahih
al-Bukhar'i 2504 & Sah'ih Muslim 1455, the wording is of Bukhar'i
)
Based on this hadith, all four Sunni
schools of Islamic law agree that suckling and milk given to an adult is of
no significance and does not establish anything. (Al-Mughni" 9:201-202)
Finally, the wife may also kiss
and suck on her husband's chest and nipples. There is no Shari'a restriction in
this regard.
e) The question of eating or licking
food off the spouse's body is often asked. There is no doubt that this practice
is contrary to Islamic etiquettes, morality and religious propriety. Food
should not be consumed directly with the mouth, but rather one should use one's
hand. In addition, there are many etiquettes and Sunnas related to
eating that cannot be fulfilled. Food is a blessing (ni’ma) from Allah Most High, and the Shari'a prescribes
many etiquettes when eating, such as uttering the name of Allah when starting,
thanking Allah when finished, eating what is directly in front of one, eating
with one's right hand, not eating whilst resting against something and so on.
As such, disrespecting food in any
way, including placing it on the body especially close to places that may be impure,
is contrary to Islamic teachings. One should avoid this practice altogether,
since there are many other ways of enjoying foreplay that are in accordance with the etiquettes and noble
manners of Islam.
To Be Continued....
