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- 1O- SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES
OF SEXUAL RELATIONS
As AN OVERVIEW of the issues
that have been discussed in this book, the following is a summary of acts that
are Islamically recommended (mustahab), disliked (makrah) and
prohibited (haram):
RECOMMENDED ACTS
1)Engaging in sexual relations with correct intentions and
objectives in mind.
2)Approaching sexual relations with moderation.
3)Engaging in sex in a state of relaxation and temperamental
balance.
4)Preparing for sexual relations both psychologically and
physically.
5)Ensuring cleanliness and personal hygiene.
6)The wife adorning herself for her husband.
7)The wife exhibiting feminine traits in front of her husband.
8)The husband exhibiting affection towards his wife and preceding
sex with kind words.
9)Foreplay between the spouses before having sex.
10)Covering up copies of the
Qur'an and other Islamic literature during sexual relations.
11)Reciting the various supplications.
12)The husband waiting for the
wife to achieve sexual climax.
13)Being affectionate and
considerate towards one's spouse after sex.
14)Cleanliness after sexual
relations.
15)Having a ritual bath, or
performing a ritual ablution, or at the least washing one's private parts
before sleeping, eating or re-engaging in sexual relations.
PROHIBITED AND DISLIKED ACTS
1)The wife refusing to make herself sexually available for her
husband without a valid reason.
2)The husband depriving his wife of her right of sex without a valid
reason.
3)Sex during menstruation and post-natal bleeding.
4)The husband intentionally drinking his wife's milk [according to the
Hanafi School].
5)Using food during foreplay [disliked].
6)Using sex aids during foreplay [disliked, but in some cases prohibited].
7)Bondage and flogging.
8)Sexually provocative dancing accompanied by music.
9)Watching pornographic material for stimulation.
10)Cross-dressing.
11)Deriving sexual pleasure from urine and filth.
12)Public display of affection, and sex in front of others.
13)Couples taking intimate pictures of each other.
14)Fantasising about another person during sex.
15)Anal sex.
16)Oral sex [disliked when sexual fluids do not enter the mouth, and prohibited
when it involves sexual fluids entering the mouth].
17)Self-masturbation via phone-sex with one's spouse.
18)Revealing secrets of sexual relations to others.
a) Islam permits the couple to
have sex more than once in one given period of the day or night, provided no
harm is feared. Imam Ibn alQayyim al-Jawziyya mentions in his Al-Tibb
al-Nabawi that one should only have sex when sexual desire is at its peak
and the man has a full naturally gained erection which is not dependent on
thinking about something or looking at something. It is improper to try and force sexual desire (shahwa)
upon oneself. (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi P: 181)
As such, if there is a genuine
desire to re-engage in sexual relations, the couple may do so, otherwise it may
be better for them to wait until they are fully revitalised. Both spouses
should be extremely mindful and respectful of their partner's physical
condition in this regard, lest one is forced into something one is not ready
for.
b) There is complete agreement
of the scholars that it is not necessary to have a ritual bath in between two successive
sessions of sexual intercourse. The preferred habit of the Messenger of Allah (sa)was to have a separate bath each time, but he is also reported to
have engaged in successive sessions of intercourse having one bath only at the
end.
Sayyiduna Anas (r) relates that:
"The Messenger of Allah (sa) used to engage in sexual
relations with his [various] wives with a single bath."
(Sahih, Muslim 309,
Sunan al-Tirmidhi 140, Sunan Abi Dawud 220 and others)
The meaning of this hadith is
that the Messenger of Allah (sa)would engage in sexual relations with more than one of his wives
and then have one bath at the end. This is clear proof that having a bath in between
two successive sessions of sexual intercourse, whether with the same wife or a
different wife, is not necessary.
However, it is superior and
recommended to have a separate bath for each sexual encounter. Sayyiduna Abu Rafi' (r) relates that:·
"The Messenger of Allah (sa)engaged in sexual relations with his [various] wives one day, and
had a [separate] bath by this one and that one. He (Abu Rafi') says, "I said, "O Messenger of Allah, Why do you
not just have one bath?" He replied, 'This is cleaner and better and
purer."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 221, Sunan Ibn Majah 590 and Musnad
Ahmad, the wording is of Abi Dawud)
c) As far as performing a ritual
ablution in between two successive sessions of sexual intercourse, this is
strongly encouraged, but also not necessary. Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
''When anyone amongst you has
sex with his wife and then intends to re-engage, he should perform ablution [in
between the two acts]." (Sahih, Muslim 308, Sunan al-Tirmidh'i 141
and Sunan Abi Dawud 222, the wording is of Muslim)
According to the general body
of scholars (jumhur) which includes the four schools, the command to
perform ablution in this hadith is a recommendation, not an obligation. The
same hadith is recorded in Sahih Ibn Khuzayma with the following
addition, "because it [performing ablution] gives him more energy for the
second time." (Sahih Ibn Khuzayma 221)
Moreover, Imam Tahawi relates with
his own chain of transmission to Sayyida 'A'isha (r) who says: "The Messenger of Allah (sa) used to have sexual relations, then
re-engage without performing ablution [ ... ]" (Sharh Ma'ani al-Athar 774)
d) If one is not able to
perform ablution, one should at least wash one's private parts before having
sex for the second time. Imam Nawawi mentions that if one intends to have sex with a different wife, then
washing the private parts is greatly emphasised. (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 372)
1)Sleeping in a State of Major Ritual Impurity (janaba)
a) It is recommended for the couple to hasten in having a
ritual bath after sexual relations. One should endeavour to end one's state of Janaba
as soon as possible, as it releases one from the restrictions of ritual
impurity.
Sayyiduna 'Ali (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"The angels do not enter a
house in which there is a picture, a dog, or a person in a state of major
ritual impurity [a junub]."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 229)
This hadith is referring to an
individual who unnecessarily remains in a state of major ritual impurity for a
considerable length of time to the extent that the obligatory (fard) prayers
are delayed. In such a case, one is sinful; otherwise it is not obligatory to
have a bath directly after sexual relations. It is permitted, without dislike,
to go to sleep in a state of janaba, even though having a bath is
superior. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)would sleep while he was in a state of major ritual
impurity without touching water."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 118, Sunan
Abi Dawud 230 and Sunan Ibn Majah 581)
The author of the commentary of
Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Tuhfat alAhwadhi, states: "In this hadith,
there is proof that it is permitted for a junub to go to sleep before having a
bath and before performing an ablution." (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi bi Sharh Jami'
al-Tirmidhi 1:397)
Ghudayf ibn al-Harith relates:
"I asked 'A'isha,
"Have you seen the Messenger of Allah (sa)having a bath of janaba at the beginning of the night or at
the end?" She replied, "Sometimes he would have a bath at the
beginning of the night and sometimes at the end." And so I said,
"Allah is Most Great. All Praise be to Allah Who put ease in the matter.
.."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 228 and others)
Imam Nawawi states, 'The
conclusion of these hadiths is that it is permitted for a junub to eat,
drink, sleep and have sex before having a bath. This is something that is
agreed upon by all the scholars [ ... ] The meaning [of the hadith in which it
is mentioned that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would sleep without touching water] is that on a few occasions, he
would not touch water at all in order to indicate permissibility [of going to
sleep in such a state]. Had the Messenger of Allah (sa) continuously used water, it would have been presumed
that using water is necessary, and Allah knows best." (Al-Minhaj Sharh
Sahih Muslim P: 372-373)
b) If one wishes to sleep
without having a bath, one is encouraged to perform a ritual ablution (wudu)
Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:
''Whenever the Messenger of Allah
(sa) intended to sleep in a state of major ritual impurity, he
would wash his private parts and perform ablution like that for the
prayer."
(Sahih al-Bukhari 284 and Sahih Muslim 305, the
wording is of Bukhari)
Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (sa)"Can any one of us sleep while in a state of
major ritual impurity?" He replied:
''Yes, if one performs
ablution, one can sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity." (Sahih
al-Bukhari 283, Sahih Muslim 306 and Sunan al-Tirmidhi 120,
the wording is of Bukhari)
Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) mentioned to the Messenger of Allah (sa)that he becomes junub at night. The Messenger of Allah (sa) said to him:
"Perform ablution and wash
your private parts, then go to sleep."
(Sahih al-Bukhari 286 and Sahih
Muslim 306)
With the exception of the
isolated position of a handful of scholars, such as Dawud al-Zahiri and Ibn al-Habib
al-Maliki, the general body of scholars (jumhur) hold that performing
ablution before going to sleep is recommended, not obligatory. In other words,
one would be rewarded for performing ablution but not sinful for omitting it.
This is supported by the
narration recorded by Imam Ibn Khuzayma and Imam Ibn Hibban in their respective
Salah collections that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (sa): "Can any
one of us sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity?" He replied:
''Yes, he may sleep, and
perform ablution if he so wishes." (Sahih Ibn Khuzayma 211 )
Likewise, the hadith of Sayyida
'A'isha (r) quoted earlier that "the Messenger
of Allah (sa)'' would sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity without
touching water" is a proof that performing an ablution is not obligatory.
Imam Nawawi states, "It is recommended to perform ablution and wash one's
private parts before these matters [i.e. sleeping, eating, drinking and the
like] [ ... ] Our scholars have clearly stated that it is [somewhat] disliked
to sleep, eat, drink and have sex before performing ablution, and these hadiths
would indicate that. However, there is no difference of opinion according to us
that this performing of ablution is not obligatory (wajib). This is the
opinion of Imam Malik and the majority of scholars ... " (Al-Minhaj
Sharh Sahiih Muslim P: 372)
c) If one is unable to perform
a ritual ablution, one should at least clean and wash one's private parts, as
mentioned in the hadith of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) recorded by Imam Bukhari . This is the last of the three stages.
However, in this case also, there is no sin for not washing one's private
parts, since it is reported that the Messenger of Allah (sa) retired to bed
''without touching water".
In conclusion, there are three
stages here:
The optimum is to perform the ritual bath and then sleep;
if that
is not possible, a ritual ablution should be performed; and
if that is not
possible, one should at least wash one's private parts.
However, if none of the
above three actions are performed, one will still not be guilty of committing a
sin.
