Sex is a Form of Charity ( sadaqa) - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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SEX IS A FORM OF CHARITY (SADAQA)

The correct intentions mentioned above elevate sex from an act of physical pleasure into an act of immense reward and a form of charity. Sayyiduna Abu Dharr al-Ghifari (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

" ... Verily in every Tasbih, [i.e. saying Subhan Allah] there is charity, in every Takbir [i.e. saying Allahu Akbar] there is charity, in every Tahmid [i.e. saying Al-hamdulillah] there is charity, in every Tahlil [i.e. saying La ilaha illallah] there is charity, enjoining of good is charity, forbidding of evil is charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is charity." [The Companions said], "O Messenger of Allah! One of us fulfils his sexual desire and he is given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not see that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." 

(Sahih Muslim 1006)

Imam Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him), the great hadith expert (muhaddith) and Shafi' jurist (faq'ih), comments on this hadith in his monumental commentary of Sahih Muslim:

"In this badith there is an indication that through correct intentions, the merely permissible becomes an act of worship. As such, sex becomes an act of worship if one intends by it to fulfill the right of the wife and treat her honourably as Allah Most High has commanded, or to seek pious offspring, keep oneself chaste or one's wife chaste, or to protect both spouses from looking at the unlawful, thinking about it and desiring it, or other praiseworthy goals." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih, Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj 778)

It is clear from this that even at the peak of passion, one does not forget one's Lord. One should remember the many lofty aims beyond sexual gratification that can be sought through sexual relations with one's spouse. By these means, this beautiful, gratifying and enjoyable act is elevated into an act of worship and charity.

Imam Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allah have mercy on him) states: "At times, sex results in producing offspring like unto the calibre of lmam Shafi'i and Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on them). Sex of this nature is superior to one thousand years of [voluntary] worship!" (Talbis Iblis 358)

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

1.INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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1. INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS

INTENTION (niyya) is the fundamental element that elevates mundane acts into acts of great virtue, drawing immense rewards. Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah (s) say:

"Actions are but by intentions, and one shall only have that which one intends ... " 

(Sahih, al-Bukhari)

Imam Ibn Nujaym (may Allah have mercy on him) mentions a well ­known juristic maxim (qa'ida fiqhiyya) which states: "There is no reward without intention." (Al-Ashbah wa 'l-Naza'ir P: 19) Imam 'Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak (may Allah have mercy on him) says: "How often a paltry act becomes great by its intention, and how often a great act becomes paltry by its intention." (Siyar A'lam al-Nubala'  8:400)

As such, forming the correct intention for everything that one does is of paramount importance. For one's acts to be consonant with the Sunna of the beloved Messenger of Allah (sa) and to win unto the pleasure of Allah Most High, one must form an intention for Allah Most High, otherwise, it remains but a routine habit.

Sexual relations with one's spouse are not excluded from this principle, in that they should be performed with transformative intentions and objectives (maqasid) in mind, namely:

I) Increasing the nation (umma) of Allah's Messenger (sa) and seeking pious offspring who will serve Islam. Allah Most High says:

"So now have relations with them [your wives] and seek what Allah has ordained for you."

(Qur'an 2:187)

The great exegete (mufassir) of the Qur'an Imam Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him) quotes from many Companions (sahaba), their followers (tabi’un), and other classical exegetes (mufassirun), such as Abu Hurayra, 'Abdullah ibn Abbas, Anas, Mujahid, Ikrima, Sa'id ibn Jubayr that the words of Allah Most High "and seek" refers to having children. (Tafsir al-Qur'an al-Azim 1:300)

The great nineteenth century scholar of Qur'anic exegesis and Prophetic narrations in the Indian Subcontinent, Shaykh Shabbir Ahmad Uthmani, writes in his renowned Urdu exegesis of the Qur'an, ''You should seek the children ordained for you in the heavenly book (Al-lawh, al-mahfuz) through sexual intercourse with your women. Mere satisfaction of lust and sexual desire should not be the aim." (Tafsir-e­Uthmsni 1:130)

Sayyida 'A'isha ~relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"Marriage is from my way (sunna). And whoever does not practice my way [out of rejection] is not from me. And marry [and procreate], for indeed I will outnumber the other nations by you ... "  

(Sunan Ibn Majah 1846)

It is evident from these texts that procreation and seeking of pious offspring are valid objectives of sexual relations with one's spouse. The Messenger of Allah (s) encouraged his followers to marry in order to seek what Allah provides through the beautiful union of a man and woman.

2) Protection against fornication and other corrupting activities, such as masturbation, looking at pornographic material, and casting lustful gazes at the opposite gender. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said to us:

"O group of young men, anyone [of you] who can afford it should marry, for it lowers the eyes and guards the private parts. Anyone who is unable to marry should fast, for it restrains the appetite."  

(Sahih, al-Bukhari 4779)

Sayyiduna Jabir (r) relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah (sa) say:

''When a woman attracts anyone of you and she captivates his heart, then he should go to his wife and have sex with her, for it would repel that what he feels [i.e. sexual desire]." 

(Sahih, Muslim 1403)

One of the basic objectives of sexual relations with one's spouse, therefore, is chastity and to satisfy one's sexual needs lawfully so that one can refrain from unlawful acts.

3) Fulfilling the right of one's spouse in a lawful manner, as it is the responsibility of each spouse to satisfy the sexual needs of the other, as will be discussed in more detail later on, by the Will of Allah.

4) Removing fluids from the body, which would otherwise leave one susceptible to illness and poor health. (Ibn al-Qayyim, Al-Tibb al-Nabaw'i 178) 

5) Enjoying this great gift that the All-Merciful has given to mankind. There is nothing wrong in intending enjoyment and sexual gratification when engaging in sexual relations with one's spouse. Sex is not a dirty act, but rather something that has been practised by countless Prophets and pious servants of Allah Most High. As such, lawfully enjoying this act does not conflict with modesty or good character in any way.

Sex at times is perceived of as unclean, and as something that should only be practised as a need, like the need to relieve oneself. People holding this misconception perform sex reluctantly, and consider any enjoyment derived from it as disrespectful or immoral. They have completely missed the point. Lawful sex is an act of worship, and should be enjoyed as much as possible.

{Note that all medical statements quoted in this book are derived from the books of classical and contemporary Muslim scholars; some of whom would have had their medical training from Greek-influenced medicine, hence their medical opinions and understanding of the body may be taken from Greek medicine, rather than Prophetic medicine. And whilst Prophetic medicine can, of course, never be dis­proved or denied, there are aspects to Greek medicine which have been. As such, medical opinions in this book may differ from the findings and approach of modern Western medicine, and some of which might not today be wholly accurate. The reader is advised to keep this in mind whilst reading the book.}

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

Introduction - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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INTRODUCTION

THE COMPLETENESS OF ISLAM is displayed in the guidance it provides for every aspect of life, from purity and prayer, to trade regulations, marriage and inheritance laws. There is little place for the separation of religion from the state, rather, Islam insists on adherence to the full spectrum of its teachings- from the fundamental articles of faith ('aqa'id) and devotional worship ('ibadat), to financial transactions (mu'amalat), 'social and communal etiquettes ( mu'ashara) and moral ethics ( akhlaq).

Allah Most High says:

"O you who believe, enter into Islam completely, and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Surely he is an open enemy for you."

(Qur'an 2:2o8)

It is a common fallacy that Islam is restricted to particular forms of devotional worship, and has nothing to say about social issues, marriage, divorce, politics, economics and so on. A cursory study of the Shari'a reveals that a great portion of Islamic law exists to address these very questions. Compilations of Prophetic narrations and manuals of Islamic law (fiqh) have substantial chapters dedicated to these subjects. Of the four volumes of the renowned classical Hanafi fiqh Manual, Al Hidaya, only the first explains the rules of devotional worship; the other three are dedicated to laws on trade, marriage, divorce, penal law, dietary laws, inheritance and other issues. The same pattern is found in many badith collections where the majority of the work consists of matters other than the pure devotional worship.

The implication of this is that a Muslim who confines his practice of Islam to purely devotional worship is omitting a great portion of the teachings of the Qur'an and Sunna. Muslims are therefore duty bound to learn the full spectrum of Islamic teachings and implement them, and the fruit of this is a blissful, peaceful and successful life in this world and the next.

The beloved Messenger(sa) is a light that shows the way to that which is of benefits in both worlds, and is the exemplar of perfection, even for the mundane realities of everyday life. Imam Muslim (may Allah have mercy on him) relates in his Sahih, from the Companion Salman al-Farisi that some polytheists approached him saying:

''Your Prophet has taught you everything, even about excrement [i.e. etiquettes of relieving oneself]." He replied: "Indeed! He has forbidden us from facing the Qibla when excreting or urinating, and from cleaning ourselves with our right hand, and from cleaning ourselves with less than three stones, and from cleaning ourselves with dung or bone."  

(Sahih, Muslim 262 & Sunan Ab'i Dawud7, the wording is of Abi Dawud)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra ~ relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"Verily, I am to you like a father, I teach you [i.e. do not be ashamed in learning even the basics from me]. If any one of you goes to relieve himself, he must not face the Qjbla nor tum his back toward it, and must not clean himself with his right hand ... "

(Sunan Ab'i Dawud 8)

Accordingly, Islam does not neglect one of the most private moments in an individual's life, namely, the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Detailed and explicit rulings regarding sexual behaviour can be found in the Qur'an, Sunna and works of classical scholars. It is common to find scholars dedicating whole chapters to this delicate, yet important, subject. Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali's Ihya: 'Ulum al­Din, Al-Tibb al-Nabawi by Imam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya, Imam Ibn Qudama's Al-Mughn'i, Imam Nasai's Ishrat al-Nisa', Imam Abul-Faraj Ibn al-Jawzi's Sayd al-Khatir, the Ghunya al-Talibin by Shaykh 'Abd al Qadir al-Jilani and countless other classical works deal with this topic in some detail. The major reference works in all four Sunni Schools of Islamic law (madhhabs) also discuss many aspects of sexual relations and what married couples may and may not do.

A healthy sexual relationship is absolutely vital in marriage. Scholars today generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages is failed sexual lives. The root cause of marital discord is often sexual dissatisfaction, with problems in the bedroom often leading to unhappiness, frustration, and, at times, even divorce.

Among the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one's sexual needs in a lawful manner, and if either spouse is unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere can become overwhelming. Often, a spouse will refuse to engage in a form of sexual activity, mistakenly believing it to be unlawful, which could easily sour their relationship. It is therefore of key importance for married couples to understand the teachings of Islam regarding sexual behaviour. With some basic education on the subject, it is possible to have a healthy sexual life and avoid marital conflict.

A second, but no less important, reason for a detailed exposition of this subject is the modern world's fixation with sexuality. The topic has been institutionalised in the school curriculum under the banner of "sex education", where children are taught what some may consider shameful and sordid acts. Furthermore, the increasing pervasiveness of sexual imagery is affecting Muslims, with growing numbers becoming addicted to pornography and other unlawful means of sexual gratification.

In this environment, it is crucial to present the Islamic stance on this subject, otherwise Muslims will be left to learn about it from un-Islamic resources, damaging their character, spirituality and physical health. 

Some may consider any discussion on sex to be offensive and a breach of religious propriety (adab) and modesty (haya), unaware that the Messenger of Allah (s) himself explained this subject in considerable detail. Several hadith describe how the Messenger of Allah (s) taught men and women matters relating to sex, many of which will be explored over the course of this book.

Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim (may Allah have mercy on them) both record a hadith in their Sahih, collections, related by Abu Hurayra (r), in which the Messenger of Allah (s) was teaching his Companions (r) the rules of having a ritual bath (ghusl), when he said:

''When a man sits amidst her four parts and then exerts pressure on her, a ritual bath becomes obligatory upon him."  

(Sahih, al­Bukhari 287 & Sahih, Muslim 348, the wording is of Muslim)

In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (s) describes explicitly how a man might have sex with his wife such that it necessitates a ritual bath of purification. There are numerous other examples which illustrate the frankness with which the Prophet~ discussed these matters.

The Companions (r) also did not shy away from asking the Messenger of Allah (s) questions of a sexual nature. In a famous incident, Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (s) about the permissibility of penetrating one's wife from behind i.e. penetrating the vagina, and not the anus. The Messenger of Allah (s) did not rebuke him for asking an "offensive" question, but waited until Allah Most High Himself revealed verses of the Qur'an to answer his question. (See: Sunan al-Tirmidhi 298o)

Remarkably, women also felt able to ask the Messenger of Allah (s) questions of a sexual nature without any reluctance or being ashamed of such enquiry. Rather, the Messenger of Allah (s) did not shy away from answering them, even though he was shy by nature. Umm Salama (r) relates: 

"Umm Sulama (r) came to the Messenger of Allah (s) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Surely, Allah is not shy of the truth. Is it necessary for a woman to take a ritual bath after she has a wet dream?" The Messenger of Allah (s) replied, ''Yes, if she notices a discharge." Umm Salama covered her face and asked, "O Messenger of Allah! Does a woman have a discharge?" He replied, "Yes, let your right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone whose statement you contradict]. how does the son resemble his mother?" 

(Sahih al-Bukhari 13O)

Here, a woman has no qualms in asking the Messenger of Allah (s) about something as intimate as a wet dream. Umm Sulama's statement "Allah is not shy of the truth" is a clear indication that there is no shyness when it comes to learning about matters of D'in. The Messenger of Allah (s) used this phrase himself when he prohibited anal sex, saying:

"Allah is not shy of the truth; do not enter women in their anuses." 

(Sunan Ibn Miijah 1924, Musnad AI} mad & others)

It is clear, then, that there is nothing wrong in discussing this subject for instructional purposes, as long as it is done with decency. In fact, it is a mistake to shy away from the teachings of Allah Most High and the Messenger if, even those regarding sexual matters.

Imam Bukhari: relates from Mujahid who said, "Sacred knowledge  ('ilm) is not gained by a shy person nor an arrogant one." (Sahih al­Bukhari 1:6o)

Likewise, he relates from Sayyida 'A'isha (r) who said, "How praise­ worthy are the women of Ansar; shyness does not prevent them from having a deep understanding of religion." (Ibid)

Modesty is, without doubt, a fundamental element of our religion, but when it comes to religious matters it should not prevent one from learning. In the modern world, questions of sexuality are openly discussed, often indecently; why then should we feel ashamed of learning the pure and decent teachings of Islam on this subject?

Those who feel that the contents of this book are overly explicit should keep in mind the words of Allah Most High, His Messenger (s) and the Companions (r). "Surely, Allah is not shy of [expounding] the truth" (Qur'an 33:53, Sahih al-Bukhari 130 and Sunan Ibn Majah 1924). Whatever is discussed in this book is based directly on the Qur'an, Sunna, sayings of the Companions (r) works of classical scholars, reference works in each of the four Sunni Schools of Islamic law, and authentic works of some learned contemporary scholars.

In light of the two reasons discussed above, namely, sexual problems between married couples as a cause of marital discord, and the modern ­day fixation on sex and its powerful influence on Muslims, the need to guide Muslims to the Islamic teachings regarding sexual matters is clear.

A third reason is that many Muslims simply do not know the Islamic laws and etiquettes on sexual relations; some are even unaware that sex during menstruation is categorically forbidden. There are also many who desire to live their lives in harmony with Islamic teachings and are motivated to learn, but feel too embarrassed to ask a scholar directly. For such individuals, this book will prove to be an invaluable resource, Insha 'Allah.

Finally, some Muslim couples may be engaging in practices that are completely permitted, but are under the false impression that they are prohibitively disliked or forbidden. I once came across an individual who believed that kissing his wife's body was unlawful, but he did it nevertheless. Even though he had not committed a sin, it was detrimental to his spirituality to practise an act he believed to be unlawful, despite it being perfectly lawful. People in this situation must be apprised of what is permitted, preventing them from feeling guilty for engaging in it. More seriously, performing acts that one believes are unlawful, even if they are completely lawful, will eventually instill a lax attitude towards Islamic law in the heart, and this will inevitably lead to acts that are actually unlawful. Clear guidelines, therefore, are absolutely necessary to inform Muslims of what is permitted and to safeguard them from falling into prohibited acts.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....