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- 1O- SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES
OF SEXUAL RELATIONS
As AN OVERVIEW of the issues
that have been discussed in this book, the following is a summary of acts that
are Islamically recommended (mustahab), disliked (makrah) and
prohibited (haram):
RECOMMENDED ACTS
1)Engaging in sexual relations with correct intentions and
objectives in mind.
2)Approaching sexual relations with moderation.
3)Engaging in sex in a state of relaxation and temperamental
balance.
4)Preparing for sexual relations both psychologically and
physically.
5)Ensuring cleanliness and personal hygiene.
6)The wife adorning herself for her husband.
7)The wife exhibiting feminine traits in front of her husband.
8)The husband exhibiting affection towards his wife and preceding
sex with kind words.
9)Foreplay between the spouses before having sex.
10)Covering up copies of the
Qur'an and other Islamic literature during sexual relations.
11)Reciting the various supplications.
12)The husband waiting for the
wife to achieve sexual climax.
13)Being affectionate and
considerate towards one's spouse after sex.
14)Cleanliness after sexual
relations.
15)Having a ritual bath, or
performing a ritual ablution, or at the least washing one's private parts
before sleeping, eating or re-engaging in sexual relations.
PROHIBITED AND DISLIKED ACTS
1)The wife refusing to make herself sexually available for her
husband without a valid reason.
2)The husband depriving his wife of her right of sex without a valid
reason.
3)Sex during menstruation and post-natal bleeding.
4)The husband intentionally drinking his wife's milk [according to the
Hanafi School].
5)Using food during foreplay [disliked].
6)Using sex aids during foreplay [disliked, but in some cases prohibited].
7)Bondage and flogging.
8)Sexually provocative dancing accompanied by music.
9)Watching pornographic material for stimulation.
10)Cross-dressing.
11)Deriving sexual pleasure from urine and filth.
12)Public display of affection, and sex in front of others.
13)Couples taking intimate pictures of each other.
14)Fantasising about another person during sex.
15)Anal sex.
16)Oral sex [disliked when sexual fluids do not enter the mouth, and prohibited
when it involves sexual fluids entering the mouth].
17)Self-masturbation via phone-sex with one's spouse.
18)Revealing secrets of sexual relations to others.
1)Sleeping in a State of Major Ritual Impurity (janaba)
a) It is recommended for the couple to hasten in having a
ritual bath after sexual relations. One should endeavour to end one's state of Janaba
as soon as possible, as it releases one from the restrictions of ritual
impurity.
Sayyiduna 'Ali (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"The angels do not enter a
house in which there is a picture, a dog, or a person in a state of major
ritual impurity [a junub]."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 229)
This hadith is referring to an
individual who unnecessarily remains in a state of major ritual impurity for a
considerable length of time to the extent that the obligatory (fard) prayers
are delayed. In such a case, one is sinful; otherwise it is not obligatory to
have a bath directly after sexual relations. It is permitted, without dislike,
to go to sleep in a state of janaba, even though having a bath is
superior. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)would sleep while he was in a state of major ritual
impurity without touching water."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 118, Sunan
Abi Dawud 230 and Sunan Ibn Majah 581)
The author of the commentary of
Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Tuhfat alAhwadhi, states: "In this hadith,
there is proof that it is permitted for a junub to go to sleep before having a
bath and before performing an ablution." (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi bi Sharh Jami'
al-Tirmidhi 1:397)
Ghudayf ibn al-Harith relates:
"I asked 'A'isha,
"Have you seen the Messenger of Allah (sa)having a bath of janaba at the beginning of the night or at
the end?" She replied, "Sometimes he would have a bath at the
beginning of the night and sometimes at the end." And so I said,
"Allah is Most Great. All Praise be to Allah Who put ease in the matter.
.."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 228 and others)
Imam Nawawi states, 'The
conclusion of these hadiths is that it is permitted for a junub to eat,
drink, sleep and have sex before having a bath. This is something that is
agreed upon by all the scholars [ ... ] The meaning [of the hadith in which it
is mentioned that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would sleep without touching water] is that on a few occasions, he
would not touch water at all in order to indicate permissibility [of going to
sleep in such a state]. Had the Messenger of Allah (sa) continuously used water, it would have been presumed
that using water is necessary, and Allah knows best." (Al-Minhaj Sharh
Sahih Muslim P: 372-373)
b) If one wishes to sleep
without having a bath, one is encouraged to perform a ritual ablution (wudu)
Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:
''Whenever the Messenger of Allah
(sa) intended to sleep in a state of major ritual impurity, he
would wash his private parts and perform ablution like that for the
prayer."
(Sahih al-Bukhari 284 and Sahih Muslim 305, the
wording is of Bukhari)
Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (sa)"Can any one of us sleep while in a state of
major ritual impurity?" He replied:
''Yes, if one performs
ablution, one can sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity." (Sahih
al-Bukhari 283, Sahih Muslim 306 and Sunan al-Tirmidhi 120,
the wording is of Bukhari)
Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) mentioned to the Messenger of Allah (sa)that he becomes junub at night. The Messenger of Allah (sa) said to him:
"Perform ablution and wash
your private parts, then go to sleep."
(Sahih al-Bukhari 286 and Sahih
Muslim 306)
With the exception of the
isolated position of a handful of scholars, such as Dawud al-Zahiri and Ibn al-Habib
al-Maliki, the general body of scholars (jumhur) hold that performing
ablution before going to sleep is recommended, not obligatory. In other words,
one would be rewarded for performing ablution but not sinful for omitting it.
This is supported by the
narration recorded by Imam Ibn Khuzayma and Imam Ibn Hibban in their respective
Salah collections that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (sa): "Can any
one of us sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity?" He replied:
''Yes, he may sleep, and
perform ablution if he so wishes." (Sahih Ibn Khuzayma 211 )
Likewise, the hadith of Sayyida
'A'isha (r) quoted earlier that "the Messenger
of Allah (sa)'' would sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity without
touching water" is a proof that performing an ablution is not obligatory.
Imam Nawawi states, "It is recommended to perform ablution and wash one's
private parts before these matters [i.e. sleeping, eating, drinking and the
like] [ ... ] Our scholars have clearly stated that it is [somewhat] disliked
to sleep, eat, drink and have sex before performing ablution, and these hadiths
would indicate that. However, there is no difference of opinion according to us
that this performing of ablution is not obligatory (wajib). This is the
opinion of Imam Malik and the majority of scholars ... " (Al-Minhaj
Sharh Sahiih Muslim P: 372)
c) If one is unable to perform
a ritual ablution, one should at least clean and wash one's private parts, as
mentioned in the hadith of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) recorded by Imam Bukhari . This is the last of the three stages.
However, in this case also, there is no sin for not washing one's private
parts, since it is reported that the Messenger of Allah (sa) retired to bed
''without touching water".
In conclusion, there are three
stages here:
The optimum is to perform the ritual bath and then sleep;
if that
is not possible, a ritual ablution should be performed; and
if that is not
possible, one should at least wash one's private parts.
However, if none of the
above three actions are performed, one will still not be guilty of committing a
sin.
a) It was mentioned earlier that all four Sunni Schools of
Islamic law agree that the emission of semen(many) with sexual desire
from a man, and ejaculatory fluid upon orgasm from a woman necessitates a ritual
bath (ghusl). As such, after having sex, one is in a state of major ritual impurity
(janaba) and is termed a junub. A junub is prevented from
praying, reciting or touching the Qur'an, entering a Mosque, and other forms of
worship until one purifies oneself. Allah Most High says:
" ... If you are in a
state of major impurity (janaba), cleanse yourself well [by taking a
bath]."
(Qur'an 5:6)
Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"Beneath every hair is an
impurity (janaba), hence wash the hair [of the body] and clean the skin.
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 106 & Sunan Abi Dawud 252)
Apart from the emission of
semen, major ritual impurity also comes about through penetration, with or
without ejaculation, necessitating a ritual bath. Once the head of the penis
enters the vagina, a ritual bath is necessary. In other words, emission of
semen and sex are both independent causes of major ritual impurity and both
necessitate the ritual bath. If semen is discharged without sex, but with
sexual desire, or sexual intercourse takes place without ejaculation, a ritual
bath is necessary in both situations.
In terms of sex without
ejaculation being a cause of Janaba, the following Prophetic narrations
are reported: Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
''When a man sits amidst four
parts [of the woman] and then exerts pressure on her, a ritual bath becomes
obligatory upon him." And in the hadith reported by the narrator Matar,
there is a further addition, "Even if he does not ejaculate."
(Sahih
al-Bukhari 287 and Sahih Muslim 348, the wording is of Muslim)
Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
''When the [man's] organ goes
beyond the [woman's] organ, a ritual bath becomes necessary."
(Sunan
al-Tirmidh'i 109 and Musnad Ahmad)
Amr ibn Shu'ayb relates from
his father, from his grandfather (r) that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"When the two organs [of
the man and woman] meet, and the top part of the penis is hidden, a ritual bath
becomes necessary."
(Sunan Ibn Majah 611 and Musannaf Ibn Abi
Shayba 1:112)
Imam Nawawi states in his
commentary of the [first] hadith recorded by Muslim: 'The meaning of the hadith
is that the necessity to bathe is not restricted to the ejaculation of semen,
but rather, when the head of the penis becomes hidden into the vagina, a ritual
bath is necessary on the man and woman. There is no difference of opinion on
this today. Some of the Companions and those after them disagreed, but then a consensus
(ijma') was reached on what we just stated." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih
Muslim P: 400)
In regards to the emission of
semen without sex being a cause of Janaba, the following Prophetic
narration is reported: Sayyiduna 'Ali (r) relates:
"I asked the Messenger of Allah
(sa)[through someone else] regarding pre-ejaculatory
fluid (madhy), so he said, "Upon the emission of pre-ejaculatory
fluid, a ritual ablution is obliged, and upon the emission of semen (many), a
ritual bath is obliged."
(Sunan al-Tirmidh'i 114, Sunan Ibn Majah
504 & others)
If a woman ejaculates, even
during sleep, by having an orgasm or achieving sexual climax, she too is
required to have a ritual bath. In this regard, the following Prophetic
narration is reported: Umm Salama, the mother of the believers (r) relates:
"Umm Sulaym, the wife of
Abu Talha, came to the Messenger of Allah (sa)and said, "O Messenger of Allah, surely, Allah is not shy from
the truth. Is it necessary for a woman to take a ritual bath after she has a
wet dream?" The Messenger of Allah (sa) replied, "Yes, if she notices a discharge."
(Sahih
al-Bukhar'i 278)
Imam Ibn Qudama states, 'The
emission of semen with force and desire necessitates a ritual bath for men and
women [i.e. orgasm], whether awake or asleep. This is the position of the
generality of the jurists, as Tirmidhi said, and we are not aware of any
disagreement on this." (Al-Mughn'i 1:197)
Thus, both spouses must ensure
that they take an obligatory ritual bath after having sex, even if there is no
ejaculation. If either of them achieves sexual climax and ejaculates, whether
during foreplay or sleep, they must also take a ritual bath. When taking a
bath, care must be taken that one's whole body is washed properly, ensuring
that water reaches parts of the body that are not washed easily. If the couple
is unaware of how to take a ritual bath properly, they must learn the Islamic
guidelines in this regard.
b) As regards to semen coming
out from the man after he has taken a ritual bath, according to the stronger
position within the Hanafi school and the position of other schools, sexual
gratification (shahwa) and forceful emission (dafq) of semen at
the time of it exiting the private parts are not conditions for the obligation
of a ritual bath, provided the initial cause was sexual climax, and not due to
lifting a heavy object etc. The condition of the initial cause being sexual
climax is specific to the Hanafi school.
According to the"Shafi’i
school, whenever semen exits, a ritual bath is obligatory, regardless of the
initial cause. Given this, the discharge of semen remaining in the passageway
after completing a ritual bath, requires another bath.
However, according to the Hanafi
school, if semen is discharged after urinating, sleeping or excessive walking,
it is not necessary to repeat the bath, as these movements are considered to
have cleaned the passageway and halted the dripping of all semen. As such, any
semen discharged after this is not attributed to the initial gratification and
is considered to have exited without sexual climax. However, a new ablution(wudu) is necessary, since something
has come out of the private parts. As for the prayers, they are valid because
they were performed in a state of purity, given that the bath was invalidated
after the prayer.
If a woman sees fluid exiting from her after taking a
ritual bath, then if she is confident that these are her own fluids, and not
those of the man, the ruling mentioned above applies. If, however, she is in
doubt, she does not need to repeat her bath or any prayers that she may have performed.
This is the position of the Hanafi school.
According to the Shafi’i
school, if she achieved orgasm during sex with her husband, it is obligatory
for her to repeat her bath. This is because her "achieving an orgasm"
is a strong indication that it is her own sexual fluid, and so it is necessary
for her to repeat the bath. However, if she did not achieve an orgasm, she does
not need to repeat her bath, but it does invalidate her ablution, because what
is exiting from her is her husband's semen and not her own fluid. (See: Al-Hidaya
1: 31, Radd al-Muhtar 1: 159-161 and Mughno al-Muhtaj 1: 117-118)
In light of all of this, it is
best for both spouses to make a habit of urinating before taking the obligatory
ritual bath. This will help avoid problems later on, Insha' Allah.
