The Wife's Right to Sexual Relations

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THE WIFE'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS

Like men, women have sexual needs. However, unlike men, they have more control over their sexual urges due to the inherent temperamental, physical, and emotional differences between women and men.

A woman will not normally demand the fulfilment of her sexual needs. Instead, when she is in the mood, she will employ various means of seducing her husband, by adorning herself, talking to him enticingly, and gazing at him longingly. Medical experts are of the opinion that a woman's sexual desire reaches its peak directly after the completion of her menstrual cycle. A perceptive husband realises this and is responsive to her signals.

The husband is religiously obliged to fulfil the sexual needs of his wife. It is a sin on his part to deprive his wife of this right without a valid excuse or permission. This is why many jurists hold that it is religiously obligatory for the husband to have sex with his wife every so often. (See: Bada'i al-Sana'i 2:331)

Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Amr (r) relates:

"My father married me off to a woman of good lineage, and he used to consult his daughter-in-law- i.e. his son's wife -and ask her about her husband. She would say to him, "An excellent man! A man who has not slept with us in bed nor removed the veil from us since we came to him!" When that went on for a long time, he (my father) mentioned that to the Messenger of Allah (s). The Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Send him to me." So I went to meet him soon after, and he said, "How often do you fast?" I said, "Every day." He said, "How often do you complete the Qur'an?" I said, "Every night." He said, "Fast three days every month and complete one Qur'an every month." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Then fast three days every week." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Fast after every two days." I said, "I have the ability to do more than that." He said, "Fast the most superior of fasts, the fasting of Dawud  (peace be upon him) who used to fast every alternate day; and complete the recitation of the Qur'an in seven days ... "  

(Sahih al­Bukhari 4765)

In another variation of this same hadith, 'Abdullah ibn Amr (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah (s) said to me, "Have I not been informed that you fast all day and pray all night?" I said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah." He said, "Do not do it. Fast and break the fast, and pray and sleep, because your body has a right over you, your eye has a right over you, your wife has a right over you, and your visitor has a right over you. It is enough for you to fast three days out of every month. Every good action is multiplied by ten, so that is like fasting all the time." But I was austere then and made things hard for myself. I said, "O Messenger of Allah, I feel strong." He said, "Fast the fast of the Prophet of Allah, Dawud (peace be upon him), but do not do more than that." I said, "What is the fast of Dawud (peace be upon him)?" He said, "Half the time." When he became old, 'Abdullah used to say, "I wished I had accepted the easier options provided by the Messenger of Allah (s)."  

(Sahih al-Bukhari 1874)

{Note: This hadith also presents a model of chastity, modesty and bashfulness of the female companions (may Allah be pleased with them all), and tells us how patiently they bore the indifference of their husbands. In the instance quoted, the politeness with which the wife of 'Abdullah ibn Amr answered her father-in-law, when he enquired about the treatment of her husband, is an exceptional example of decency and endurance.}

In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (s) advises 'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As (r) to be moderate in his worship, and on learning that he had not slept with his wife, the Messenger of Allah (s) said to him, "Your wife has a right over you," clearly defining the husband's responsibility to fulfil his wife's sexual and other needs.

Abu Juhayfa (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah (s) joined Salman (r) and Abu al-Darda' (r) together in brotherhood. Salman visited Abu al-Darda' and saw Umm al-Darda' [Abu al-Darda's wife] poorly dressed and said to her, "What is the matter with you?" She said, "Your brother Abu al-Darda' has no need of this world [meaning he did not care whether his wife adorned herself for him or not since he was very busy in worshiping Allah Most High]." Abu al-Darda' came and made some food for him [i.e. Salman]. Salman said, "Eat." He said, "I am fasting." Salman said, "I will not eat unless you eat." He says, "So he ate." In the night, Abu al-Darda' went to stand in prayer and Salman said to him, "Sleep!" and so he slept. Then he got up again and Salman said, "Sleep!" When it was the latter part of the night, Salman said, "Now get up and they both prayed together." Salman said to him, "Your Lord has a right over you, your self has a right over you and your wife has a right over you, so give each rightful person their due right." Abu al-Darda' came to the Messenger of Allah (s) and mentioned this to him and the Messenger of Allah (s) said, "Salman spoke the truth." 

(Sahih al-Bukhari 1867)

Scholars differ over how regularly a husband must have sex with his wife to fulfil her needs.

1) Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali holds that it is religiously obligatory for a man to have sex with his wife once every four nights, a view supported by the following incident:

'Abd al-Razzaq relates in his Al-Musannaf from Qatada and Sha'bi that a woman came to 'Umar (r) and said, "My husband stands at night [in prayer] and fasts during the day." 'Umar (r) said, ''You have praised your husband excellently well." Ka'b ibn Sawwar said to 'Umar, "She is [actually] complaining." 'Umar (r) said, "How?" He said, "She claims to have no share in the marriage from her husband [meaning her husband does not fulfil her rights]." 'Umar (r) said, "If you understand this much, then you decide between them." He (Ka'b) said, "O Amir al-Mu'minin! Allah has permitted him four wives. So she has one day of every four days, and one night of every four nights." (Suyuti, Tarikh al-Khulafa' P: 161)

In light of this, Imam Ghazali's view is that a man must fulfil his wife's sexual needs once every four nights, since he is permitted to spend the other three nights with his other wives, were he to have four. This is also the favoured position of Imam Tahawi (may Allah have mercy on him) of the Hanafi School. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:203 & jadid Fiqhi Masa'il 2: 172)

2) Imam Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him) holds that it is religiously obligatory for a man to sleep with his wife once every month. He states: "It is obligatory upon a man to have sex with his wife at least once in every interval (tuhr) between menstruations if he is able to do so, otherwise he will be sinful. The proof for this is the statement of Allah Most High: "But when they are purified, then approach them from where Allah has commanded you." (Al-Muhalla P: 1672)

Imam Ibn Hazm derives his opinion from the word of Allah Most High: "Approach them," a command indicative of obligation. Most scholars consider this to be a statement that permits sex after menstruation - her menses prohibited sex, and so Allah Most High returns permission once she is purified. Imam Ibn Hazm understood the text literally and ruled that having sex after one's wife is purified from menstruation is obligatory.

3) According to some scholars, a man must have sex with his wife once every four months or else he is sinful. They substantiate their position with the following narration:

Ibn Jarir relates, "I was informed by the one whom I trust that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r), while on patrol, heard a woman saying [singing  poetry], "This night stretches out and is dark, and that I am without a companion to be intimate with has made me sleepless. Were it not for the fear of Allah like unto Whom there is none, the sides of this couch would have been moving." 'Umar (r) said, "What is wrong with you?" She said, ''You sent my husband on an expedition some months ago, and I long for him." He said, "Do you intend to do wrong?" She said, "I seek the refuge of Allah!" He said, "So restrain yourself, for it is only a matter of the message being delivered to him." 'Umar (r) sent a message to him [to return]. Then he went to [his daughter] Hafsa and said, "I want to ask you about a matter which concerns me, so dispel it for me. How long can a woman remain without her husband?" She lowered her head and was shy. He said, 'Truly Allah is not shy of the truth." So she gestured with her hand indicating three months, and if that is not possible, then four months. Hence 'Umar (r) declared that armies must not be kept on service for more than four months." (Tarikh al-Khulafa' P: 161-162)

Imam Muwaffaq al-Din Ibn Qudama (may Allah have mercy on him), a prominent Hanbali jurist, also concurs with this position in his masterpiece of Hanbali and comparative fiqh Al-Mughni. He asserts that if the husband abstains from fulfilling his wife's sexual needs due to an Islamically valid reason such as illness, then there is no fixed time­ period for having sex with her. If, however, he abstains without any genuine reason, he is obliged to have sex within four months, and if he fails to fulfil her sexual needs after this period, he is ordered to divorce her. (Al-Mughni8: 551-552)

{Note: It is worth noting here that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) did not ask his wife, but rather his daughter. Mawlana Ashraf 'Ali Thanawi states that the reason for this was that 'Umar (r) expected an impartial answer from his daughter. He thought that there was a possibility of his wife's answer being biased, since it was her husband who was asking. (Al-Ifadat al-Yawmiyya min al-Ifadat al-Qawmiyya 2:300)

4) Most jurists (fuqaha'), including many Hanafi scholars, hold that it is religiously obligatory for a husband to have sex with his wife every so often, without this being fixed at a specific frequency. The prominent Hanafi jurist Imam Haskafi states, "It is religiously obligatory for a husband to have sex with his wife every so often, and he must not reach the duration of four months without her permission ... "

Imam Ibn 'Abidin explains this by stating that the husband is religiously obligated to have sex with his wife every so often, unless he has some kind of illness or some other valid excuse. He then cites Imam Tahawi from the Hanafi School who holds the view that the husband is obligated to have sex with her once every four nights. However, he further states, that the established position of the Hanafi School (zahir al-madhhab) is that there is no fixed time-limit, rather the husband will be obligated to spend the night with his wife and fulfil her sexual needs every so often. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 3:202-203, Bab al-Qasam)

According to the author, this last position seems to be the most reasonable and practical, especially in our times. As such, the husband must engage in sexual relations with his wife every so often enough to maintain her outward and inward chastity such that she does not incline towards committing an unlawful act. If a man consistently refuses his wife, he will be sinful.

However, as in the case of the husband's right to sexual relations, the obligation to fulfil the sexual needs of one's wife is conditional on the man's physical ability to have sex with his wife. If the husband is too ill or weak to engage in any sexual activity or fears that having sex with his wife will result in unbearable weakness, then he is not required to fulfil his wife's sexual needs, and will not be sinful.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

what are the rights of the wife 

 

Lady Zaynab bint Jahsh - A Woman of High Morals - Prophet Muhammad's Wives

Prophet Muhammad's Wives

Lady Zaynab bint Jahsh

A Woman of High Morals

The Life of Zaynab bint Jahsh

She was famed for her generosity, excellence in morality and helpfulness. She spent her earnings in the way of God and on the poor

Zaynab bint Jahsh is the daughter of Umayya bint Abdul Muttalib, the paternal aunt of the Prophet. Her real name is "Barra" and the name Zaynab was given to her by the Prophet.

Zaynab's father is Jahsh ibn Riyab, who moved to Makkah and settled there. She married Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, in the fifth year of Hijrah.

Given the title "Umm-ul Hakam", Zaynab is among the first female companions of the Prophet to have migrated to Madinah.

A very beautiful and intelligent woman in addition to being the daughter of the Prophet's aunt, she was among the first of the Prophet's wives to have seen herself as competition to Lady Aisha. Aisha herself reciprocated these sentiments toward Zaynab, saying: "She saw herself as being my counterpart."

Her Decency

She was famed for her generosity, 
excellence in morality and helpfulness.

Zaynab’s sensitivity and fear of Allah regarding matters of belief and acts of faith as well as her being one of the first individuals to become Muslim was noted by everyone including Prophet Muhammad, who, for this, had a great deal of love and respect for her.

Our beloved Mother Zaynab was a sincere Muslim and a believer very much tied to her beliefs. She had taken it upon herself to lead a life distanced from anything not pleasing to Allah. She had given our Prophet the title of "Awwah." When the companions asked our Prophet, "What is awwah Prophet of Allah?" he explained: "Awwah is one who is humble in prayer, one who sincerely begs Allah and Allah alone."

She is a woman who is most respectful to Allah, most truthful, most mindful of relatives and most generous in giving charity. She had testified in favor of Aisha, her rival, following the incident in which Aisha had been slandered, saying, "I know nothing of Aisha except what is good."

She was famed for her generosity, excellence in morality and helpfulness. She worked for her sustenance and would spend her earnings in the way of God and on the poor. About her, Aisha said: "I have never seen a woman more beneficent than Zaynab where religion is concerned.

Old Customs Abolished

Neither Zaynab nor her brother Abdullah welcomed the idea of a noble and free woman marrying a freed slave.

Prior to Islam, if a man wanted to adopt a child, he would announce this in public, and the child would thereby be considered his own; called with the name of the father and essentially becoming his father's successor.

This custom of adoption, which was preserved into the first few years of Islam, was banned and the wide-spread understanding that "the wives of adopted children could not be married to the adopter," thus needed to be abolished.

Along with the revelation that Allah does not accept adopted children as biological children, Zayd, who was adopted by the Prophet and called Zayd ibn Muhammad, began to be called Zayd ibn Harithah, after his own father.

Thus, according to God’s revelations, the Prophet was to take Zayd, whom he was emotionally attached to, out of his adoption as consequently his wife Zaynab was no longer considered our Prophet's daughter-in-law. Zaynab’s first marriage was with Zayd Bin Harithah, who was a slave freed by the Prophet and whom he loved as though he was his own child.

Prophet Muhammad personally arranged the marriage of his cousin Zaynab to Zayd. According to Arab traditions, a noble Arab woman could not marry a slave as Arabs placed a great deal of significance on lineage; classifying and evaluating people not on their personal accomplishments and traits, but the lineage which they came from.

For this reason, the Prophet began with his own family members in abolishing this old tradition and perception to ensure that the old tradition would be erased.

As well known, one of the Prophet's methods of delivering the message was through his personal application of commands and restrictions ordered by Allah; if he was unable to or did not have the opportunity to apply the commandments himself, we would have his relatives apply the command or restriction. This is because for the Messenger of Allah no factor should give one exception or privilege, except for the fear of Allah:

"Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you." (Al- Hujurat 49; 13).

Thus, the deep-rooted belief of privileged class needed to be abolished. And this ban needed be realized through one of the most sensitive issues: marriage.

Zaynab, the daughter of our Prophet's aunt and Abdullah ibn Jahsh, was thereby a good candidate for a marriage that would be exemplary. One day, when Zaynab's potential marriage was being discussed, our Prophet ruled that the time had come for an old and bad custom to be abolished and asked for Zaynab's hand in marriage for his adopted son, Zayd. Neither Zaynab nor her brother Abdullah welcomed the idea of a noble and free woman marrying a freed slave. They both asked Prophet Muhammad whether someone like him would be suitable for their family. Zaynab even went a step further and actually said that she will not marry someone like Zayd.

Zaynab finally agreed to this marriage in order to follow the orders of the Prophet. However, she was just not able to warm up to Zayd, and therefore a continual state of unease took place in the absence of emotions. This marriage didn’t work out and about a year later Zayd consulted with the Prophet, stating that he could no longer continue with it. The Prophet was sorry to hear this:

“And when you, Muhammad, said to him on whom Allah has conferred favor and you have conferred favor: Keep your wife to yourself, and fear Allah.” (Al-Ahzab 33; 37)

Despite the Prophet’s advice to them, neither Zayd nor Zaynab could make it work as Zayd consequently made a final decision to divorce his wife whom he did not wish to be with.

After some time had elapsed, it was time for yet another bad custom to be abolished. This particular custom was the treatment of adopted children as though they were biological children and their wives to be treated like actual daughters-in-law.

New Life

... she was truly a righteous woman. She would fast much and wake up for night prayers. She was a woman of skills and she would disburse the earnings of her work entirely to the needy

After Zayd and Zaynab were divorced, Prophet Muhammad was faced with two realities; one was that his cousin was a divorced woman following an unsuccessful marriage. The second was that according the Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic) beliefs, Zaynab could now only marry a slave. Consequently, the Prophet felt obliged, particularly towards his relatives, to mend these wounds.

In the end, this principal brought on by Islam, would in certainty become put into practice through him as a matter of fact:

"But you did hide in your heart that which Allah was about to make manifest: you did fear the people, but it is more fitting that you should fear Allah. Then when Zaid had dissolved (his marriage) with her, with the necessary (formality), We joined her in marriage to you: in order that (in future)there may be no difficulty to the Believers in (the matter of) marriage with the wives of their adopted sons, when the latter have dissolved with the necessary (formality) (their marriage) with them. And Allah's command must be fulfilled." (Al-Ahzab 33; 37).

Despite the order to marry Zaynab was a very difficult one for the Prophet, it was impossible for him to dismiss since it was God’s command. The marriage had taken place in the eyes of Allah, with the angels acting as witnesses. When the verses regarding the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab were revealed, the Prophet was asked to go to Zaynab and tell her that Allah had wed her to him in the heavens, and proceeded to repeat the revealed verses.

It was said Prophet Muhammad gave an incredible Walima (wedding feast) which he had not given for any of his other wives on the day of his marriage to Zaynab where about 300 people were invited.

Thus, Lady Zaynab, who was married to Zayd just in order to fulfill the command of Allah and His messenger, was rewarded for her compliance by being married to the Prophet of Allah following her divorce from Zayd. Undoubtedly this was the most beautiful and sacred of marriages to have ever taken place because it was implemented by Allah through the delegation of the angel Jibreel.

The esteem of Zaynab, which had suffered a blow with her marriage to Zayd, was being restored with her marriage to the Prophet, who knew about the sense of belittlement that Zaynab felt with being married to a former slave. With her new marriage, Zaynab, one of the most noble of Arab families then, would be able to salvage her damaged dignity.

Zaynab married Prophet Muhammad, after his marriage to Umm Salamah, in the fifth year of Hijrah. She was 35 years of age when she married the Prophet, who was 57 or 58 at the time.

Multi-Talented

Lady Zaynab was a clever woman; she could skin animals that had been butchered, gut them and allow them to dry. She was good at sewing and doing alterations on clothing. She could process animal skin in accordance with the methods of that time and sew clothing leather, spending what she earned in the way of Allah.

Umm Salamah, one of the wives of the Prophet, when speaking of Zaynab, would say: "The Prophet appreciated Zaynab bint Jahsh and spoke of her often; she was truly a righteous woman. She would fast much and wake up for night prayers. She was a woman of skills and she would disburse the earnings of her work entirely to the needy." In another narration it is said that: "Zaynab was a handcrafts artist; she would process leather, sew and spend in charity in the way of Allah."

Zaynab would spend her entire earnings of her own hard work on the needy, divorced and orphaned.

Source: http://onislam.net