Beardless youths

He is attracted to beardless youths; how can he rid himself of this sickness?

I have the problem of being attracted to beardless youths and I have no desire for women. The reason for this may be a bad experience that I had in childhood. I try to be patient as much as I can. I lower my gaze and I know that this is haraam, and I do not regard it as permissible. I ask Allaah for forgiveness and I pray “O Allaah, purify my heart and keep me chaste.” I do not think that marriage is a solution for me, because I have no desire for women. I fast on Mondays and Thursdays. But this is still in my heart. What should I do? Is there anything that will compensate me in Paradise? I ask Allaah to forgive me if there is any transgression in my question. Praise be to Allaah.
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Firstly: 

Remember that this is one of the most serious of problems, and that it may lead a person to doom. It may affect his mind and make him go insane, or it may affect his physical health and make him ill, or it may affect his religious commitment and cause him to be doomed, and lead him to a bad end. So beware of continuing with this and strive hard, seeking the help of your Lord, to rid yourself of this evil inclination, and look at those who have been affected by this so that you may learn a lesson from them. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It is narrated that a man fell in love with someone and became totally infatuated with him, and that love became deeply rooted in his heart until he fell ill, and took to his bed because of it, and that person tried to keep away from him and felt great resentment towards him. Intermediaries kept going between them until he promised to visit him. The sick man was told of that and he rejoiced greatly and his anxiety was dispelled, and he began to look forward to the appointment that had been set. Whilst he was like that, the intermediary came and said: He came part way with me then he went back, but I encouraged him and spoke to him, and he said: He remembered me, and rejoiced about me, but I will not enter because I will not expose myself to accusations. I tried to change his mind but he insisted, and left. When the sick man heard that, he was filled with despair and became worse than he had been before, and appeared to be in the throes of death, and he started saying: 

Your pleasure is dearer to my heart than the mercy of the Almighty, the Creator 

I said: O So and so, fear Allaah. He said: This is how I feel.  

I got up and left, and I had barely passed through the door when I heard the cry of death. 

Allaah forbid that we should meet with a bad end. 

End quote. 

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 117) 

What do you think? Would a wise Muslim want to die as that sick lover died, who gave precedence to the pleasure of his beloved over the pleasure of His Creator Who created him and formed him and granted him provision and guided him to Islam, and bestowed upon him blessings both apparent and invisible? If you say that you would not want that – which is what we think you would say – then you should know that you are travelling the same path as him and that there may befall you what befell him, if you do not check yourself.

Remember that this is the path that was first travelled by the people of Loot, namely the love of beardless youths, then Allaah punished them in a way that no nation has been punished before or since. Allaah turned their houses upside down and caused the earth to swallow them up, and He pelted them with stones and took away their sight.

Secondly: 

Remember that there are causes for this calamity, and these causes are things that the afflicted person has brought upon himself. The one who wants to be saved from his predicament must look at these causes and rid himself of them, otherwise he will be content with his situation and unwilling to change it for something that is better. These causes may include the following:

1 – Weakness of faith and lack of love for Allaah in one’s heart, and a lack of fear of His punishment.

2 – Looking freely at beardless youths, and enjoying their beauty and appearance. 

This is the first route that the affected person takes to sin. His Lord has commanded him to lower his gaze and avoid looking at haraam things, and his Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has enjoined him likewise. If he ignores the command and does that which is forbidden, then Iblees has shot his poisoned arrow into his heart, and finished him off. moral actions.

3 – Falling short with regard to obligatory and naafil acts of worship 

If the person who is afflicted with this problem prays on time, fulfilling the conditions and obligatory parts of prayer, that will be a deterrent that keeps him from falling into evil and immoral ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45] 

So how about if he regularly performs sunnah and naafil prayers?

4 – Forsaking the Qur’aan and failing to read books about the lives of righteous men and the imams 

The Book of Allaah contains guidance, light and healing; it is the best protection for the Muslim against falling into sin and it is the best remedy for the one who does fall into sin. 

If he reads books about the imams and biographies of the scholars, he can take them as an example and become familiar with their stories and rise above immorality and evil.

5 – Falling short in seeking knowledge 

Knowledge is light, through which one may know what is halaal and do it, and what is haraam and avoid it. Through it he may come to know his Lord, may He be exalted, and His names, attributes and deeds. That will generate in his heart a sense of shyness before his Lord and shyness before His angels, so that he will not want to commit evil and immoral actions. Through knowledge he will come to know the state of sinners and the punishment that Allaah has prepared for them.

6 – A lot of spare time in the lives of those who have this problem 

If they kept themselves busy with acts of worship, sport, permissible actions and seeking knowledge, they would not have time to spend in thinking of haraam things, let alone doing them.

7 – Making friends and keeping company with bad people 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likened the bad friend to one who works the bellows: he will either burn his companion’s clothes or he will notice a bad smell coming from him.

8 – Not getting married 

Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male?  

Thirdly: 

The one who wants to deal with his problem and rid himself of it should look for the reasons why he has fallen into the haraam actions of looking, mixing and keeping company with beardless youths, and rid himself of them by giving them up. Trying to treat the problem without addressing the causes of sickness is a remedy that is doomed to failure and will never succeed. There follow some treatment methods for the one who wants to rid himself of this problem and try to free himself from the trap of the shaytaan, and seek the pleasure of Allaah. These include: 

1 – Strengthening one’s faith by means of acts of worship, including fasting, filling one’s heart with love of Allaah, and fearing His punishment. 

2 – Preventing oneself from looking at beardless youths with or without desire, and not keeping company with them or sitting with them at all, and not being alone with them, even for teaching Qur’aan. 

3 – Praying regularly and on time, and being keen to do regular Sunnah and naafil prayers. 

4 – Reciting a portion of Qur’aan regularly, and reciting the adhkaars for morning and evening, and reading about the lives and biographies of the imams. 

5 – Seeking knowledge by reading, listening and watching. This is something that is required of every Muslim. 

6 – Filling one’s time with acts of worship and obedience, and that which will be of benefit in one's spiritual and worldly affairs. 

7 – Shunning bad company and looking for righteous friends to stay close to and benefit from their knowledge and good attitude. 

8 – Seeking to get married straight away, to satisfy one’s desires in a permissible manner. 

9 – Seeking the help of Allaah by calling upon Him and asking Him to save him from this sickness and calamity. 

10 – Thinking about those who have fallen into this haraam kind of love and what it has led to, such as insanity, sickness and apostasy – Allaah forbid.

For more information please see the answer to question no. 27176. 

And Allaah knows best.

Premature Ejaculation Remedy

Break Studios Contributing Writer

Many men are in search for the perfect premature ejaculation remedy, however, there are many considerations when it comes to this unique problem. The defining characteristics of premature ejaculation include ejaculating prior to sexual intercourse or before ejaculation is desired by the individual and his sexual partner. It is not uncommon for some to falsely confuse this with the medical condition erectile dysfunction (ED). Although the two may occur together, premature ejaculation can occur without ED.
Define the cause. Finding a premature ejaculation (PE) remedy that works best often involves getting to the source of the problem. A few things he should consider is whether or not this is an occasional issue or if it occurs on a regular basis. The individual circumstances and sexual history may also provide insight into the problem. In some cases, the cause is related to psychological concerns, such as anxiety or stress. Medical causes which may play a role include erectile dysfunction, conditions affecting the urethra or prostate and changes in hormones. The remedy for premature ejaculation should be based upon the cause.
Understand the methods that may be available. From lifestyle changes to treating an underlying health conditions, the types of premature ejaculation remedies can differ significantly. A few of the more common may include masturbation prior to initiating intercourse, distraction and sometimes even psychotherapy or sex therapy. Statistics also indicate that antidepressants and over-the-counter desensitizing creams and lotions have proven effective as a premature ejaculation remedy. He should keep in mind though, there are side effects associated with these products and medications and they are not suitable for everyone.
Pursue different remedies. What works for one individual may not work as well for another. He should not assume that if the first intervention is unsuccessful, that this will always be the case. The premature ejaculation remedy chosen should fit his lifestyle and unique needs. In some cases, a multi-modal approach may be necessary. Involving a primary care physician is highly recommended for PE. Not only can the physician recommend treatment, but he can help rule out potential medical causes that could be to blame.

How to Stop Masturbation 2

Masturbation is defined as the manual stimulation of the male or female genitals, not by sexual intercourse, designed to produce an orgasm. Masturbation is totally forbidden in Shari'ah.

One of the most humiliating problems that the constant male masturbator suffers from when he attempts to have sexual relations is premature ejaculation or the failure to maintain an erection. When a person is masturbating, he tends to reach his orgasm as quickly as possible but in sexual intercourse, he normally has to attempt to control his excitement which can impose a great strain on those who indulge in self abuse over a lengthy period.

Those who achieve insufficient satisfaction from sexual intercourse and return to masturbation or never give it up suffer a great torment. Sex life is empty for them, which leads to many more problems, marital disputes, divorce, etc.

Therefore, people who continuously masturbate lose out all round. The physical pleasure becomes reduced to a natural act like urinating or excreting and at the back of their minds there is an awareness that they are missing out on the real pleasures of life. No adult can honestly claim to masturbate without a guilty feeling of complete uselessness. Masturbation is merely an exhaustive rather than constructive undertaking resulting in nothing but total loss. Once orgasm has been achieved, there is nothing left except a feeling of complete emptiness.

Steps in overcoming masturbation

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female. And you can also be cured if you determine that it must be so. If you want to give it up, you need will power and determination. Rasulullah [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'The Niyyat of a believer is better than the act.'

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. Firstly, you must decide that you will end this practice and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. But it must be more than a hope or a wish more than knowing that it is good for you. You must realize that this is a great evil and you have to want to give it up.

It must be actually a decision. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. Ask Allah to help you and give you strength and steadfastness to succeed.

After you have made this decision then observe the following specific guidelines.

Guidelines

1. First step is to realize that you are violating Allah's command and you are bringing upon yourself a life long destruction and harm.

2. Never touch the intimate parts of your body unnecessarily.

3. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company. Remember, an idle mind is the devil's (Shaytaan) workshop.

4. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that both of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.

The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. It is mentioned in a Hadith that a person is upon the way of his friend. (Bukhari, Tirmizi)

5. When you bath, do so as quick as possible.

6. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing, you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking and the temptation would leave you.
If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, engage in something useful. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you focus your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never look at pornographic material.

8. The attitude of the individual has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control this habit. The person must first realize the evil of this act. Secondly he must understand the reason for this behavior.

After these 2 steps, the individual needs to become sensitive to the situations and conditions which may cause a person to commit this vile act. Hence a person must guard himself from anything, which may trigger a desire for this act. By following these steps, a person gains the ability to gain victory from this act, hence the power to control this filthy practice is developed. Remember you need also a bit of will-power.

ADVICES

1. MAKE Duaa daily; seek help from Allah, this will strengthen you against temptation.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercises. The exercise reduces emotional tension and depression and is absolutely basic to the solution to this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence. Begin with a day, then a week, a month, a year and finally commit to never doing it again. Till you don't commit yourself, to never indulging yourself in this vile act, you'll always be open to temptation.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged, these emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a Kitab, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

8. Start frequenting the Musjid. Make it a daily practice to recite part of the Quraan. Find out about authentic books which you can read from your local Aalim.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you. Color the day on which you masturbate black. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall in detail what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy, there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy .When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self control, it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

17. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Shaytaan never gives up. Keep a positive mental attitude and always stay on guard. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do, will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Do not spend the night alone

Ruling on masturbation and how to cure the problem

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I have a question which I am shy to ask but another sister who has come to Islam recently wants an answer to and I do not have an answer (with dilals from the Qur'an and Sunnah). I hope you can help and I hope Allah will for give me if it is inappropriate but as Muslims we should never be shy in seeking knowledge. Her question was "Is it permissible in Islam to masturbate?".
May Allah increase us all in knowledge.

Praise be to Allaah. Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence: First from the Qur’aan: Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor. "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty. Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him): Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done. There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct. As for curing the habit of masturbation, we recommend the following suggestions: 1) The motive to seek a cure for this problem should be solely following Allaah’s orders and fearing His punishment. 2) A permanent and quick cure from this problem lies in marriage as soon as the person is able, as shown in the Prophet’s hadeeth. 3) Keeping oneself busy with what is good for this world and the hereafter is essential in breaking this habit before it becomes second nature after which it is very difficult to rid oneself of it. 4) Lowering the gaze (from looking at forbidden things such as pictures, movies etc.) will help suppress the desire before it leads one to commit the haraam (forbidden). Allaah orders men and women to lower their gaze as shown in the following two verses and in the Prophet’s hadeeth (interpretations of the meanings): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) ..... " 24.30-31 Allaah’s messenger said: "Do not follow a casual (unintentional) look (at forbidden things) with another look." Al-Tirmidhi 2777. This is a general instruction by the Prophet to abstain from all that may sexually excite a person because it might lead him/her to commit the haraam (forbidden). 5) Using one’s available leisure time in worshipping Allaah and increasing religious knowledge. 6) Being cautious not to develop any of the medical symptoms that may result from masturbation such as weak eyesight, weak nervous system, and/or back pain. More importantly, feeling of guilt and anxiety that can be complicated by missing obligatory prayers because of the need to shower (ghusl) after every incidence of masturbation. 7) Avoiding the illusion that some youth have that masturbation is permissible because it prevents them from committing illegal sexual acts such as fornication or even homosexuality. 8) Strengthening one’s willpower and avoiding spending time alone as recommended by the Prophet when he said "Do not spend the night alone" Ahmad 6919. 9) Following the Prophet’s aforementioned hadeeth and fast when possible, because fasting will temper one’s sexual desire and keep it under control. However, one should not overreact and swear by Allaah not to return to the act because if one does not honor one’s promise, one would be facing the consequences of not living up to one’s oath to Allaah. Also, note that medication to diminish one’s sexual desire is strictly prohibited because it might permanently affect one’s sexual ability. 10) Trying to follow the Prophet’s recommendation concerning the etiquette of getting ready for bed, such as reading well-known supplications, sleeping on the right side, and avoiding sleeping on the belly (the Prophet forbade sleeping on the belly). 11) Striving hard to be patient and chaste, because persistence will eventually, Allaah willing, lead to attaining those qualities as second nature, as the Prophet explains in the following hadeeth:
"Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469. 12) Repenting, asking forgiveness from Allaah, doing good deeds, and not losing hope and feeling despair are all prerequisites to curing this problem. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah. 13) Finally, Allaah is the Most Merciful and He always responds to whoever calls on Him. So, asking for Allah’s forgiveness will be accepted, by His will. Wallahu a’lam. And Allah knows what is best and most correct.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Pull Out Method

Coitus interruptus, also known as the rejected sexual intercourse, withdrawal or pull-out method, is a method of birth-control in which a man, during intercourse withdraws his penis from a woman's vagina prior to orgasm (and ejaculation). The man then directs his ejaculate (semen) away from his partner's vagina in an effort to avoid insemination.

Pull Out Method

Break Studios Contributing Writer

The pull out method is the most risky practice couples use before the end of sexual intercourse. Although it is effective to many, there is a small chance that a mishap can happen at any given time. If you decide to experiment the pull out method, carefully read on to become successful at it during every sexual act.

1. What is the pull out method? The pull out method also known as the withdrawal method. This is what many couples use if they dislike different forms of birth control, such as condoms or contraception pills. The vagina must be penetrated to use the pull out method, and before ejaculation, a man withdraws his penis from the vagina to prevent getting sperm inside the vulva.
2. Practice makes perfect. It takes sexual experience and great self-control to use the pull out method effectively. It is extremely important to know your body and your response during a sexual act and when you are about to ejaculate. For all men, especially the less experienced, it is natural to have a huge urge to ejaculate inside a woman's vagina without a use of a condom; however, to successfully be in full control of your orgasm, pull out quickly when you feel an ejaculation about to happen. It is also best to urinate before sexual intercourse to avoid premature ejaculation or practice controlling your penis from ejaculating earlier than expected during masturbation. It helps greatly to avoid premature ejaculation to avoid pregnancy when using these techniques.
3. Is the pull out method safe? The pull out method is safe for men who are free from sexually transmitted diseases and is in a monogamous relationship with their partner. Although the pull put method isn't 100 percent effective, practicing withdrawing your penis in time and preventing pre-ejaculation leads to a minimum chance of pregnancy occurring.