Lady Hafsah
The Prophet's Fourth Wife
(Setting Her Own Standards)
Umar ibn
Al-Khattab was dreaming of marrying his daughter to the Prophet and obtaining
the great honor of being in-laws.
Ever since he embraced Islam, Umar ibn Al-Khattab was a
most remarkable and dedicated advocate of the new faith. A man with clear and
direct vision, Umar could always come up with sensible ideas to sort out
difficult questions.
As a close companion of Prophet Muhammad, he always
advocated direct action, reflecting strong commitment to the cause. The same sort
of attitude could only be expected in his private life.
Umar's daughter, Hafsah, was married to Khunays ibn
Hudhafah, who adopted Islam in its early years and was among those who
immigrated to Abyssinia in response to the Prophet's advice.
After rejoining the Muslim community in Madinah, Khunays
took part in the first two major battles the Muslims fought at Badr and Uhud.
In the second of these, he was badly injured and died soon afterward, leaving
behind his young wife, Hafsah, who was perhaps in her early twenties.
Looking at his daughter's misfortune, Umar thought that he
should find her a good husband. He thought of his friend Abu Bakr, as he knew
him to be wise, caring and most dedicated to the Islamic cause.
The fact that Abu Bakr was ten years older than him was
not a point of issue with Umar. He knew that Abu Bakr would take good care of
Hafsah. Therefore, Umar went to him and spoke about her and his concern for her
wellbeing. Abu Bakr listened attentively, perhaps guessing Umar's drift. Umar,
however, soon made his purpose clear, saying to his friend:
"I will give you Hafsah in marriage if you wish to
take her."
Perhaps Umar could not foresee that his proposal would not
be met with ready acceptance. Yet Abu Bakr remained silent. To Umar, that was
baffling. Therefore, the conversation ended and Umar left, feeling rather
upset.
His daughter's future happiness remained his main
preoccupation. Therefore, he went to Uthman, who had suffered the loss of his
own wife around 18 months earlier.
When Umar suggested to him that he could marry Hafsah,
Uthman requested a few days to think it over. Uthman then met Umar and told him
that he did not wish to marry for the present.
Someone Better Than Uthman
Hafsah will marry someone better than Uthman,
and Uthman
will marry someone better than Hafsah
Umar was very upset at this double rejection. He went to the
Prophet, seeking the comfort of his company. The Prophet received him well,
recognizing that he was upset. Umar soon poured out the reason, perhaps adding
that it was rather humiliating to face such rejection.
The Prophet smiled and said to him:
"Hafsah will marry someone better than Uthman, and
Uthman will marry someone better than Hafsah."
These words took Umar by surprise. What? Who? Could it be
true? Does the Prophet mean himself? Who else?
The Prophet soon put all these questions out of Umar's
mind and said that he wanted Hafsah to be his wife. Umar was overjoyed and went
to his daughter giving her the happiest news. She was to be the wife of none
other than Prophet Muhammad.
Soon afterward, Abu Bakr and Uthman made their positions
clear. Both had heard the Prophet mentioning Hafsah and realized that he wanted
to marry her. They could not speak out until the Prophet had made his intention
clear to Umar.
Therefore, they would rather accept that Umar might feel
upset at their lack of response, realizing that the matter would soon come to a
very happy conclusion. Thus, the third of the Prophet's marriages after
Khadijah took place.
After he adopted Islam and experienced the happiness
provided to him by his close association with the Prophet (peace be upon him),
nothing gave Umar ibn Al-Khattab greater pleasure than his daughter's marriage
to the Prophet. This was beyond his wildest dreams.
Hence, he was always keen to ensure that the Prophet
should find in Hafsah a wife that brought him comfort and happiness. He kept
counseling her to do her duty to her husband and not to engage in anything that
would displease him.
After all, she was married to the man God had chosen to
deliver His last message to mankind and to provide, by word and action, a
perfect model of Islamic refined manners and serious morality. Young people,
however, do not look at things in the same way as their elders. They may
acknowledge that their parents have had more experience, but they tend to
dismiss such experience as irrelevant to their own situation.
A Strong Character
How come you object to something that I say
when it is
none of your business?
Hafsah, a young wife in her early twenties coming into a home
where there were already two wives, appears to have tried to carve a strong
position for herself.
One day Umar said something to his wife, but she objected to
it. Brought up in the Makkan traditions of the time, he said to her:
"How come you object to something that I say when it
is none of your business?"
She said: "Why should I not object when the Prophet’s wives may
object to him? In fact, any of them might sulk and the Prophet might remain
upset all day."
Umar felt that was very serious. He feared that his
daughter could do that when it was very unpleasant to any husband. Moreover, he
loved the Prophet so much that he would try to remove anything that could
displease him.
Therefore, he went to Hafsah and said to her:
"Is it true that you might sulk all day long?"
When she acknowledged that, he admonished her with all the
love and care a father feels when he realizes that his daughter was on a
dangerous course. He said:
"Daughter! I warn you against incurring God's
punishment and the displeasure of His messenger."
Referring to Lady Aishah, he counseled her not to join her
into action motivated by jealousy:
"Do not be tempted by your mate who is proud of her
beauty and the Prophet's love. You know that the Prophet does not have the same
love for you. Had it not been for me, he might have divorced you."
She was ready to express her opinion,
even in objection to the Prophet
even in objection to the Prophet
Yet Hafsah had inherited a strong character. How could she
miss out when she was Umar's daughter? She was ready to express her opinion,
even in objection to the Prophet on a matter of religion. The Prophet once
said:
"None of my companions who gave me their pledges
under the tree will ever be in hell."
This was a reference to the Prophet's 1400 companions who
tried to do the Umrah with him in Makkah, but the unbelievers tried to prevent
their entry into the city.
The standoff threatened to culminate into a battle and the
Prophet sought a pledge from his companions to fight until death. They all
readily gave him that pledge when he was standing under a tree.
Shortly afterward, the Treaty of Hudaibiyah was signed
between the two parties. In the Quran, God states clearly that He was pleased
with those Companions of the Prophet. When the Prophet said this, Hafsah said:
"Yes, they will do."
The Prophet was displeased with her, but she recited the
verse that says in reference to hell:
{There is not one among you who shall not pass over it:
This is, for your Lord, a decree that must be fulfilled} (19:71)
The Prophet answered:
"But God also said: {But We shall save those who
are God-fearing, and leave the wrongdoers there, on their knees} (19:72)"
Reports of Divorce
God commands you to take Hafsah back,
for she is a highly devoted servant of God
for she is a highly devoted servant of God
Hafsah was the only one among the Prophet's wives who was divorced
by the Prophet (peace be upon him). There are several reports suggesting the
reason for the divorce, but none of them carries much weight so as to be more probable.
It is perhaps better to say that the main reason was
Hafsah's own character, while one or the other of these suggested reasons
triggered the Prophet's action. She was a woman of strong character, bold and
self-assured. When the Prophet divorced her, she was extremely sad.
However, it was her father who felt the divorce to be his
own personal catastrophe. He threw dust over his own head and lamented:
"Why will God care for Umar and his daughter now that
she is divorced?"
However, the divorce did not last long. The angel Gabriel
came to the Prophet with this order:
"God commands you to take Hafsah back, as a kindness
to Umar."
Another report suggests that Gabriel said:
"God commands you to take Hafsah back, for she is a
highly devoted servant of God and she is your wife in heaven."
Needless to say, the Prophet immediately carried out God's
order and Hafsah was back as one of the Prophet's wives, the mother of all
believers, as Muslims refer to the Prophet's wives.
We should reflect a little on these two reports. The first
tells us that God Almighty sent His angel with the command that the Prophet
should take back his divorced wife in kindness to her father.
God knew that Umar would spend the rest of his life in
sorrow, should the divorce be made permanent. He felt that the great love he
felt toward the Prophet was cemented by this marriage. Now that the marital
bond was severed, he felt lost, uncared for by God or His messenger. Hence, his
lamentation.
The other report mentions the virtues of Hafsah and her
dedication to the cause of Islam and continuous devotion. She was a woman
worthy of being a wife of God's messenger and a mother of all believers. Hence
Gabriel tells the Prophet that she will be among his wives in heaven.
The two reports are not mutually exclusive. In fact both
could be true. The angel might have said both statements when he brought to the
Prophet God's command to reinstate his marriage to Hafsah.
When the Prophet had several wives, mutual jealousy was
inevitable. We need to remember that none of them thought that it was wrong for
a man to marry more than one wife. Polygamy was the normal practice in Arabia
and many other parts of the world.
Islam simply restricted it, allowing a man no more than
four wives. The Prophet, however, had an exemption because of his special
status and the needs of his message.
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