2. SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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2. SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES

ISLAM PROTECTS THE sexual rights of both the husband and wife, and to satisfy the sexual appetite of one's spouse is a legitimate objective of sexual relations and even of marriage itself.

The right to sexual fulfilment belongs to both husband and wife, and it is a mistake to assume that only the husband has this privilege. The wife has as much right to expect her sexual needs to be fulfilled as the husband. As such, sexual relations are a right of both spouses.

The renowned Hanafi jurist Imam Ibn 'Abidin (may Allah have mercy on him) states: "Among the consequences of marriage is the permissibility of each spouse deriving sexual pleasure from the other." ( Radd al-Muhtir 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 3:4)

Imam 'Ala al-Din al-Kasani (may Allah have mercy on him), a prominent classical Hanafi jurist, states: "And both spouses share this ruling of deriving sexual pleasure, for just as the wife is lawful for the husband [in terms of deriving sexual pleasure from her]; her husband is lawful for her ... It is the right of the husband to demand sex from her whenever he so desires unless there is an impediment, such as menstruation (hayd), postnatal bleeding (nifas), zihar [the husband swearing an oath to abstain from sex with his wife], being in the state of ihram and other impediments. And it is [also] the right of the wife to request sex from him, since deriving sexual pleasure from him is her right, as it is his right to derive sexual pleasure from her. When she requests sex from him, he will be obligated to agree and compelled through the courts once [meaning once throughout the marital relationship], and after that he will be religiously [and not legally] obliged to have sex with her in the context of living together in excellence and fostering the marital relationship ... " (Bada'i al-Sana'i 2:331)

Despite the fact that each spouse is religiously obliged to fulfil the sexual needs of the other, there is a slight legal difference between the husband's and the wife's right to demand sex. The husband can demand sex through a court of law and is generally expected to take the initiative, and the wife must consent to his demand unless there is a genuine physical excuse or Shari'a-countenanced impediment. However, in the case of the wife, even though it is religiously obligatory for the husband to fulfil her sexual needs, she cannot demand this through a court of law after he has had sex with her at least once since being married.

This distinction comes about because of various considerations, including the difference in the nature of male and female sexual desire, the husband being the head (amir) of the family, and the consideration of how each party's "demanding" would affect marital relations. In other words, a woman does not have an explicit legal right to demand sex in the same fashion as a man; but this distinction exists merely because of the inherent temperamental, physical, and emotional differences between the sexes. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:4)

All of the above is at the level of law. The spirit of marriage is different. Seeking one's rights through demands, force and argumentation contradicts the spirit of marriage, and never solves anything. Rights should always be understood in light of the following Prophetic guidance:

"The most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character; and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses." 

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1162)

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

Are You the Husband Allah Describes?

Sex is a Form of Charity ( sadaqa) - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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SEX IS A FORM OF CHARITY (SADAQA)

The correct intentions mentioned above elevate sex from an act of physical pleasure into an act of immense reward and a form of charity. Sayyiduna Abu Dharr al-Ghifari (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

" ... Verily in every Tasbih, [i.e. saying Subhan Allah] there is charity, in every Takbir [i.e. saying Allahu Akbar] there is charity, in every Tahmid [i.e. saying Al-hamdulillah] there is charity, in every Tahlil [i.e. saying La ilaha illallah] there is charity, enjoining of good is charity, forbidding of evil is charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is charity." [The Companions said], "O Messenger of Allah! One of us fulfils his sexual desire and he is given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not see that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." 

(Sahih Muslim 1006)

Imam Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him), the great hadith expert (muhaddith) and Shafi' jurist (faq'ih), comments on this hadith in his monumental commentary of Sahih Muslim:

"In this badith there is an indication that through correct intentions, the merely permissible becomes an act of worship. As such, sex becomes an act of worship if one intends by it to fulfill the right of the wife and treat her honourably as Allah Most High has commanded, or to seek pious offspring, keep oneself chaste or one's wife chaste, or to protect both spouses from looking at the unlawful, thinking about it and desiring it, or other praiseworthy goals." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih, Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj 778)

It is clear from this that even at the peak of passion, one does not forget one's Lord. One should remember the many lofty aims beyond sexual gratification that can be sought through sexual relations with one's spouse. By these means, this beautiful, gratifying and enjoyable act is elevated into an act of worship and charity.

Imam Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allah have mercy on him) states: "At times, sex results in producing offspring like unto the calibre of lmam Shafi'i and Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on them). Sex of this nature is superior to one thousand years of [voluntary] worship!" (Talbis Iblis 358)

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

1.INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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1. INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS

INTENTION (niyya) is the fundamental element that elevates mundane acts into acts of great virtue, drawing immense rewards. Sayyiduna 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (r) relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah (s) say:

"Actions are but by intentions, and one shall only have that which one intends ... " 

(Sahih, al-Bukhari)

Imam Ibn Nujaym (may Allah have mercy on him) mentions a well ­known juristic maxim (qa'ida fiqhiyya) which states: "There is no reward without intention." (Al-Ashbah wa 'l-Naza'ir P: 19) Imam 'Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak (may Allah have mercy on him) says: "How often a paltry act becomes great by its intention, and how often a great act becomes paltry by its intention." (Siyar A'lam al-Nubala'  8:400)

As such, forming the correct intention for everything that one does is of paramount importance. For one's acts to be consonant with the Sunna of the beloved Messenger of Allah (sa) and to win unto the pleasure of Allah Most High, one must form an intention for Allah Most High, otherwise, it remains but a routine habit.

Sexual relations with one's spouse are not excluded from this principle, in that they should be performed with transformative intentions and objectives (maqasid) in mind, namely:

I) Increasing the nation (umma) of Allah's Messenger (sa) and seeking pious offspring who will serve Islam. Allah Most High says:

"So now have relations with them [your wives] and seek what Allah has ordained for you."

(Qur'an 2:187)

The great exegete (mufassir) of the Qur'an Imam Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him) quotes from many Companions (sahaba), their followers (tabi’un), and other classical exegetes (mufassirun), such as Abu Hurayra, 'Abdullah ibn Abbas, Anas, Mujahid, Ikrima, Sa'id ibn Jubayr that the words of Allah Most High "and seek" refers to having children. (Tafsir al-Qur'an al-Azim 1:300)

The great nineteenth century scholar of Qur'anic exegesis and Prophetic narrations in the Indian Subcontinent, Shaykh Shabbir Ahmad Uthmani, writes in his renowned Urdu exegesis of the Qur'an, ''You should seek the children ordained for you in the heavenly book (Al-lawh, al-mahfuz) through sexual intercourse with your women. Mere satisfaction of lust and sexual desire should not be the aim." (Tafsir-e­Uthmsni 1:130)

Sayyida 'A'isha ~relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:

"Marriage is from my way (sunna). And whoever does not practice my way [out of rejection] is not from me. And marry [and procreate], for indeed I will outnumber the other nations by you ... "  

(Sunan Ibn Majah 1846)

It is evident from these texts that procreation and seeking of pious offspring are valid objectives of sexual relations with one's spouse. The Messenger of Allah (s) encouraged his followers to marry in order to seek what Allah provides through the beautiful union of a man and woman.

2) Protection against fornication and other corrupting activities, such as masturbation, looking at pornographic material, and casting lustful gazes at the opposite gender. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said to us:

"O group of young men, anyone [of you] who can afford it should marry, for it lowers the eyes and guards the private parts. Anyone who is unable to marry should fast, for it restrains the appetite."  

(Sahih, al-Bukhari 4779)

Sayyiduna Jabir (r) relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah (sa) say:

''When a woman attracts anyone of you and she captivates his heart, then he should go to his wife and have sex with her, for it would repel that what he feels [i.e. sexual desire]." 

(Sahih, Muslim 1403)

One of the basic objectives of sexual relations with one's spouse, therefore, is chastity and to satisfy one's sexual needs lawfully so that one can refrain from unlawful acts.

3) Fulfilling the right of one's spouse in a lawful manner, as it is the responsibility of each spouse to satisfy the sexual needs of the other, as will be discussed in more detail later on, by the Will of Allah.

4) Removing fluids from the body, which would otherwise leave one susceptible to illness and poor health. (Ibn al-Qayyim, Al-Tibb al-Nabaw'i 178) 

5) Enjoying this great gift that the All-Merciful has given to mankind. There is nothing wrong in intending enjoyment and sexual gratification when engaging in sexual relations with one's spouse. Sex is not a dirty act, but rather something that has been practised by countless Prophets and pious servants of Allah Most High. As such, lawfully enjoying this act does not conflict with modesty or good character in any way.

Sex at times is perceived of as unclean, and as something that should only be practised as a need, like the need to relieve oneself. People holding this misconception perform sex reluctantly, and consider any enjoyment derived from it as disrespectful or immoral. They have completely missed the point. Lawful sex is an act of worship, and should be enjoyed as much as possible.

{Note that all medical statements quoted in this book are derived from the books of classical and contemporary Muslim scholars; some of whom would have had their medical training from Greek-influenced medicine, hence their medical opinions and understanding of the body may be taken from Greek medicine, rather than Prophetic medicine. And whilst Prophetic medicine can, of course, never be dis­proved or denied, there are aspects to Greek medicine which have been. As such, medical opinions in this book may differ from the findings and approach of modern Western medicine, and some of which might not today be wholly accurate. The reader is advised to keep this in mind whilst reading the book.}

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....