INTRODUCTION
THE
COMPLETENESS OF ISLAM is displayed in the guidance it provides for every aspect
of life, from purity and prayer, to trade regulations, marriage and inheritance
laws. There is little place for the separation of religion from the state,
rather, Islam insists on adherence to the full spectrum of its teachings- from
the fundamental articles of faith ('aqa'id) and devotional worship ('ibadat),
to financial transactions (mu'amalat), 'social and communal
etiquettes ( mu'ashara) and moral ethics ( akhlaq).
Allah Most High says:
"O you who believe, enter
into Islam completely, and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Surely he is
an open enemy for you."
(Qur'an 2:2o8)
It is a common fallacy that Islam
is restricted to particular forms of devotional worship, and has nothing to say
about social issues, marriage, divorce, politics, economics and so on. A cursory study of the Shari'a reveals that a great portion
of Islamic law exists to address these very questions. Compilations of
Prophetic narrations and manuals of Islamic law (fiqh) have substantial
chapters dedicated to these subjects. Of the four volumes of the renowned
classical Hanafi fiqh Manual, Al Hidaya, only the first explains the rules of devotional
worship; the other three are dedicated to laws on trade, marriage, divorce,
penal law, dietary laws, inheritance and other issues. The same pattern is
found in many badith collections where the majority of the work consists of matters
other than the pure devotional worship.
The
implication of this is that a Muslim who confines his practice of Islam to
purely devotional worship is omitting a great portion of the teachings of the
Qur'an and Sunna. Muslims are therefore duty bound to learn the full spectrum
of Islamic teachings and implement them, and the fruit of this is a blissful,
peaceful and successful life in this world and the next.
The
beloved Messenger(sa) is a light that shows the way
to that which is of benefits in both worlds, and is the exemplar of perfection,
even for the mundane realities of everyday life. Imam Muslim (may Allah have
mercy on him) relates in his Sahih, from the Companion Salman al-Farisi that some polytheists approached him saying:
''Your Prophet has taught you
everything, even about excrement [i.e. etiquettes of relieving oneself]."
He replied: "Indeed! He has forbidden
us from facing the Qibla when excreting or urinating, and from cleaning
ourselves with our right hand, and from cleaning ourselves with less than three
stones, and from cleaning ourselves with dung or bone."
(Sahih, Muslim 262
& Sunan Ab'i Dawud7, the wording is of Abi Dawud)
Sayyiduna
Abu Hurayra ~ relates that the Messenger of
Allah (s) said:
"Verily, I am to you like
a father, I teach you [i.e. do not be ashamed in learning even the basics from
me]. If any one of you goes to relieve himself, he must not face the Qjbla nor
tum his back toward it, and must not clean himself with his right hand ...
"
(Sunan Ab'i Dawud 8)
Accordingly,
Islam does not neglect one of the most private moments in an individual's life,
namely, the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Detailed and
explicit rulings regarding sexual behaviour can be found in the Qur'an, Sunna
and works of classical scholars. It is common to find scholars dedicating whole
chapters to this delicate, yet important, subject. Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali's Ihya:
'Ulum alDin, Al-Tibb al-Nabawi by Imam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya, Imam Ibn
Qudama's Al-Mughn'i, Imam Nasai's Ishrat al-Nisa', Imam Abul-Faraj Ibn al-Jawzi's Sayd al-Khatir, the Ghunya al-Talibin by
Shaykh 'Abd al Qadir al-Jilani and countless other classical works deal with
this topic in some detail. The major reference works in all four Sunni Schools
of Islamic law (madhhabs) also discuss many aspects of sexual relations
and what married couples may and may not do.
A
healthy sexual relationship is absolutely vital in marriage. Scholars today generally
agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages is failed sexual
lives. The root cause of marital discord is often sexual dissatisfaction, with
problems in the bedroom often leading to unhappiness, frustration, and, at
times, even divorce.
Among
the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one's sexual needs in a lawful manner,
and if either spouse is unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere can
become overwhelming. Often, a spouse will refuse to engage in a form of sexual
activity, mistakenly believing it to be unlawful, which could easily sour their
relationship. It is therefore of key importance
for married couples to understand the teachings of Islam regarding sexual
behaviour. With some basic education on the subject, it is possible to have a
healthy sexual life and avoid marital conflict.
A
second, but no less important, reason for a detailed exposition of this subject
is the modern world's fixation with sexuality. The topic has been
institutionalised in the school curriculum under the banner of "sex
education", where children are taught what some may consider shameful and
sordid acts. Furthermore, the increasing pervasiveness of sexual imagery is
affecting Muslims, with growing numbers becoming addicted to pornography and
other unlawful means of sexual gratification.
In
this environment, it is crucial to present the Islamic stance on this subject,
otherwise Muslims will be left to learn about it from un-Islamic resources, damaging
their character, spirituality and physical health.
Some
may consider any discussion on sex to be offensive and a breach of religious
propriety (adab) and modesty (haya), unaware that the Messenger
of Allah (s) himself explained this subject
in considerable detail. Several hadith describe how the Messenger of Allah (s) taught men and women matters relating to sex, many
of which will be explored over the course of this book.
Imam
Bukhari and Imam Muslim (may Allah have mercy on them) both record a hadith in
their Sahih, collections, related by Abu Hurayra (r), in which the Messenger of Allah (s) was teaching his Companions (r) the rules of having a ritual bath (ghusl), when
he said:
''When a man sits amidst her
four parts and then exerts pressure on her, a ritual bath becomes obligatory
upon him."
(Sahih, alBukhari 287 & Sahih, Muslim 348, the wording is of Muslim)
In
this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (s) describes explicitly how a man might have sex with his wife such
that it necessitates a ritual bath of purification. There are numerous other
examples which illustrate the frankness with which the Prophet~ discussed these matters.
The
Companions (r) also did not shy away from
asking the Messenger of Allah (s) questions of a sexual nature. In a famous incident, Sayyiduna 'Umar
ibn al-Khattab (r) asked the Messenger of Allah (s) about the permissibility of penetrating one's wife from behind
i.e. penetrating the vagina, and not the anus. The Messenger of Allah (s) did not rebuke him for asking
an "offensive" question, but waited until Allah Most High Himself
revealed verses of the Qur'an to answer his question. (See: Sunan
al-Tirmidhi 298o)
Remarkably,
women also felt able to ask the Messenger of Allah (s) questions of a sexual nature without any reluctance
or being ashamed of such enquiry. Rather, the Messenger of Allah (s) did not shy away from answering
them, even though he was shy by nature. Umm Salama (r) relates:
"Umm Sulama (r) came to the Messenger of Allah (s) and said, "O Messenger of
Allah, Surely, Allah is not shy of the truth. Is it necessary for a woman to
take a ritual bath after she has a wet dream?" The Messenger of Allah (s) replied, ''Yes, if she notices a
discharge." Umm Salama covered her face and asked, "O Messenger of
Allah! Does a woman have a discharge?" He replied, "Yes, let your
right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone
whose statement you contradict]. how does the son resemble his mother?"
(Sahih
al-Bukhari 13O)
Here,
a woman has no qualms in asking the Messenger of Allah (s) about something as intimate as
a wet dream. Umm Sulama's statement "Allah is not shy of the truth"
is a clear indication that there is no shyness when it comes to learning about
matters of D'in. The Messenger of Allah (s) used this phrase himself when
he prohibited anal sex, saying:
"Allah is not shy of the
truth; do not enter women in their anuses."
(Sunan Ibn Miijah 1924,
Musnad AI} mad & others)
It
is clear, then, that there is nothing wrong in discussing this subject for
instructional purposes, as long as it is done with decency. In fact, it is a
mistake to shy away from the teachings of Allah Most High and the Messenger if, even those regarding sexual
matters.
Imam
Bukhari: relates from Mujahid who said, "Sacred knowledge ('ilm) is not gained by a shy person nor an
arrogant one." (Sahih alBukhari 1:6o)
Likewise,
he relates from Sayyida 'A'isha (r) who said, "How praise worthy are the women of Ansar; shyness
does not prevent them from having a deep understanding of religion."
(Ibid)
Modesty
is, without doubt, a fundamental element of our religion, but when it comes to
religious matters it should not prevent one from learning. In the modern world,
questions of sexuality are openly discussed, often indecently; why then should
we feel ashamed of learning the pure and decent teachings of Islam on this
subject?
Those
who feel that the contents of this book are overly explicit should keep in mind
the words of Allah Most High, His Messenger (s) and the Companions (r). "Surely, Allah is not shy
of [expounding] the truth" (Qur'an 33:53, Sahih al-Bukhari 130 and Sunan
Ibn Majah 1924). Whatever is discussed in this book is based directly on
the Qur'an, Sunna, sayings of the Companions (r) works of classical scholars, reference works in each of the four Sunni
Schools of Islamic law, and authentic works of some learned contemporary
scholars.
In
light of the two reasons discussed above, namely, sexual problems between
married couples as a cause of marital discord, and the modern day fixation on
sex and its powerful influence on Muslims, the need to guide Muslims to the
Islamic teachings regarding sexual matters is clear.
A
third reason is that many Muslims simply do not know the Islamic laws and
etiquettes on sexual relations; some are even unaware that sex during
menstruation is categorically forbidden. There are also many who desire to live
their lives in harmony with Islamic teachings and are motivated to learn, but
feel too embarrassed to ask a scholar directly. For such individuals, this book
will prove to be an invaluable resource, Insha 'Allah.
Finally,
some Muslim couples may be engaging in practices that are completely permitted,
but are under the false impression that they are prohibitively disliked or forbidden.
I once came across an individual who believed that kissing his wife's body was
unlawful, but he did it nevertheless. Even though he had not committed a sin,
it was detrimental to his spirituality to practise an act he believed to be unlawful,
despite it being perfectly lawful. People in this situation must be apprised
of what is permitted, preventing them from feeling guilty for engaging in it.
More seriously, performing acts that one believes are unlawful, even if they are completely lawful, will eventually instill a
lax attitude towards Islamic law in the heart, and this will inevitably lead to
acts that are actually unlawful. Clear guidelines, therefore, are absolutely
necessary to inform Muslims of what is permitted and to safeguard them from falling
into prohibited acts.
To Be Continued....
No comments:
Post a Comment