READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING
PREPARATION OF THE WIFE
1) Cleanliness and Personal
Hygiene
Purity (tahara), cleanliness
(nazafa) and personal hygiene have been given great
importance in Islam. Purity is the key to prayer – the principal act of worship
in a Muslim's life. Purity brings about the love of Allah Most High towards
oneself. Allah Most High says:
"Surely Allah loves those
who are most repenting, and loves those who keep themselves pure and
clean."
(Qur'an 2:222)
Sayyiduna Abu Malik al-Ash'ari (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"Purity is half of faith
... "
(Sahih Muslim 223)
As such, a Muslim must remain
pure and clean at all times, and even more so when it comes to marriage.
It is regrettable that some women do not see the
importance of remaining clean at home in front of their husbands, yet when they
attend public gatherings or visit friends they ensure that they clean and adorn
themselves. Others make great efforts to beautify themselves before marriage,
but once they find their soul mate and get married, they neglect this important
factor.
This is actually contrary to
the teachings of Islam. A wife must first and foremost adorn herself for her
husband, and is rewarded for doing so. To beautify oneself in order to attract
the attention of non-Mahram men (non-family members) is absolutely unlawful and
a great sin. She should try her utmost best to remain clean at home in front of
her husband. If she is in an unclean state due to household chores, she should
clean herself as soon as she has finished her work. It is unbecoming for her to linger around in an unkempt
state for long periods after completing her work.
For a healthy sexual
relationship, anything that causes distaste or is offensive should be
completely avoided. The wife should ensure that she does not have bad breath or
any other body odours as this can be a major "turn off". The
Messenger of Allah (sa) even forbade people from entering the Mosque if they had a bad mouth
odour. Sayyiduna Jabir ibn 'Abdullah (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:
"Whoever eats garlic or
onion should keep away from us." Or he said, "He should keep away
from our Mosque and remain in his house ... "
(Sah;ih al-Bukhari 817)
Sayyiduna Jabir ibn 'Abdullah (r) also relates from the Messenger
of Allah (sa) that he said:
"He who ate of this plant,
i.e. garlic"- and once he said, "He who ate onion and garlic and
leek- should not approach our Mosque, for
the angels are harmed by the same things as the children of Adam."
(Sahih,
Muslim 564)
The above hadith demonstrates
that bad smells offend both humans and angels. To avoid offending one's spouse
is even more important for obvious reasons, so the wife should ensure that she
avoids dirt, filth and bad odour of the mouth and body. She should bathe and change
her clothes regularly. The teeth and mouth should be brushed as frequently as
necessary in order that her spouse is not harmed when they kiss each other. She
should always aspire to present herself in a clean manner in front of her
husband.
If one has a genuine medical
problem with body odour, one should resort to medical treatment. There are many
simple and effective treatments for this condition. A medical diagnosis is not
usually necessary for bad odour, but where the problem persists despite all efforts
to treat it, it may be worth getting a medical opinion.
2) Adornment and Beautification
A key part of preparing for
sexual relations is to ensure that the wife beautifies herself for her husband.
Human beings are highly visual creatures that enjoy seeing and experiencing
things that are beautiful. This is why Islam encourages its adherents to adorn
themselves whenever they attend public gatherings such as the Jumu'a and
'ld prayers. If Muslims should appear pleasant in front of their
fellows, then this is considerably more important where spouses are concerned.
As such, the importance of a
woman adorning herself in preparation for sexual relations with her husband
cannot be overstated. Allah Most High describes the maidens of paradise known
as "hur al-'ayn" or ''wideeyed virgins", by saying:
'They will look like rubies and
corals."
(Qur'an 55:58)
This indicates that adornment
is a means of attracting the attention of one's spouse. A woman who is desirous
of a healthy sexual relationship, and by extension a healthy marriage, should
endeavour to beautify herself for her husband. In this way, the husband will
also be saved from casting lustful glances at other women.
Unfortunately, some Muslims
consider that it is inappropriate for a practising Muslim woman to adorn
herself in a captivating manner for her husband. This is far from the truth.
Not only is it permissible for a woman to use the various means of
beautification for her husband, but rather she is rewarded for doing so. Part
of being a pious and practicing Muslim is to live a life of chastity, and
anything that is a means to this is encouraged, provided it is not specifically
prohibited by Shari'a.
The Messenger of Allah (sa) also encouraged women to adorn themselves and
maintain a good appearance for their husbands. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:
"A woman made a gesture
from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Messenger of Allah
(sa)- The Messenger of Allah (sa) withdrew his hand and said, "I do not know if
this is a man's or a woman's hand." She said, "But rather, a
woman." He said, "If you were a woman, you would have made changes to
your nails, meaning with Henna."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 4163)
Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that Hind hint 'Utba said to
the Messenger of Allah (s).
"O Prophet of Allah!
Accept my allegiance (bay'a)." He replied: "I shall not accept
your allegiance until you change the palms of your hands, for they look like
the paws of a beast of prey!"
(Sunan Abi Dawud 4162)
'The Messenger of Allah (sa) received some jewels presented by Negus (najashi) as a gift
to him. They contained a gold ring with an Abyssinian stone." She says,
"The Messenger of Allah (sa) turning his attention away from it, took it by means of a stick or
one of his fingers, then called Umama, daughter of Abu al-'As and daughter of his daughter Zaynab, and said:
"Adorn yourself with this, my dear daughter." (Sunan Ab'i Dawud 4232)
The wife's beautification,
therefore, contributes to a healthy sexual relationship, and is a key element
of the physical preparation for sexual relations.
Some of the important things in
this regard are as follows:
a)
The wife should ensure that she removes unwanted hair from her body,
should her husband want her to do so. The hadith recorded in Sahih,
al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim has already been quoted wherein the Messenger
of Allah (sa)
considered "shaving of the
pubic hair" as part of a wife's preparation for her returning husband.
Removing body hair is completely permissible, rather it is recommended and
rewarded if the intention is to please the husband.
A woman may remove unwanted
hair from her arms, legs, and the rest of her body, with special emphasis to
the pubic, underarm, and facial hair. The only exception is of shaping the
eyebrows, which is not permitted according to the Prophetic hadith.
Some women may experience
excessive growth of hair on their cheeks and other parts of the face. It is
recommended for them to remove such facial hair, as this will prevent them from
resembling men. Imam Nawawi, whilst commentating on the hadith in which the
Messenger of Allah (sa) forbade women from removing facial hair, states: "This action
[of women removing facial hair] is not permitted unless a woman grows a beard
or a moustache, in which case it is not unlawful to remove it, rather it is
recommended according to us [ ... ]. The prohibition [in the hadith is of
shaping the eyebrows." (Al-Minhaj Shara Sahih, Muslim P: 1602)
Removing unwanted body hair is
permitted through the various means available, such as waxing, using cream,
powder and a razor. It is also permitted to bleach the hair instead. There also
seems to be no Shari'a impediment from permanently removing body hair, since
the aim is to remove unwanted hair, whether temporarily or permanently.
However, a condition is
stipulated that her nakedness (awra) is not exposed, even in front of
Muslim women. A Muslim woman's nakedness (awra) in front of other
Muslim women is from her navel up to and including her knees. As such, it is
not permitted for a woman to expose the area in between the navel and knees for
hair-removal, even before other Muslim women. Similarly, a Muslim woman's awra
in front of non-Muslim women is the whole body with the exception of the
face and hands. Therefore, she cannot expose other parts of her body before
non-Muslim women. (Al-Hidaya 4:461 & Radd al-Muhtar 6:371)
b)
A woman may adorn herself for sexual relations with her husband by
dressing up in appealing, seductive and revealing clothing. It is not against
religious propriety (adab) and modesty (haya) to wear clothing such
as luxurious lingerie and alluring underwear, provided it is only for the
husband and that there is no third person with the couple. In fact, as
mentioned earlier, if the intention is to keep herself and her husband chaste,
she will be rewarded, In sha 'Allah.
It should be noted, however,
that the stronger and more precautionary view in the Hanafi school is that it
is necessary (wajib) for both men and women to cover their essential
nakedness (from navel to knees) even when alone. The exception to this is when
there is a need, such as taking a shower, relieving oneself, changing one's
clothes or having sexual relations with one's spouse. (Radd al-Muhtar 1 :4O4)
As such, the wife should ensure
that she covers the area between her navel and knee properly when she is alone
at home. She should only dress up in the types of clothing described above in
the presence of her husband and ideally, restricted to the bedroom setting.
c)
A pleasant scent can have a significant impact on others.
Beautiful fragrances please the sense of smell, and it is part of the natural disposition
(fitra) to take pleasure in delicate
scents. This is why applying perfume was the practice of all the Prophets of
Allah. Sayyiduna Abu Ayyiib (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"Four things are from the
ways of the Prophets: modesty, applying perfume, using a tooth-stick (siwak)
and marriage."
(Sunan alTirmidhi 1080)
The beloved Messenger of Allah
(sa) also loved perfume, and encouraged it. Sayyiduna
Anas (r) relates that:
"The Messenger of Allah (sa) would not refuse perfume."
(Sahih al-Bukhari 5585)
Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"Anyone offered Rayhan (basil perfume) should not
refuse it. It is light in weight and fragrant in scent."
(Sahih Muslim 2253)
It is recommended for men to
use perfume when attending public gatherings, particularly for Friday and 'ld
prayers, as authentically established from many Prophetic narrations. This
allows a Muslim to benefit others by his pleasant fragrance, and it is in this
context that applying perfume is considered an act of charity.
Naturally, perfume has a major
role to play in the sexual activity. A pleasant smell arouses sexual instinct
and increases pleasure and performance. As such, the wife should endeavour to
apply perfume as part of her adornment for sexual relations with her husband.
She should choose a perfume that is best suited for her and likely to please her
husband. It will also help remove any bad odour she may have on her body or
clothes.
However, two points are worth
considering here:
Firstly, it is permitted to use
mainstream perfumes, deodorants and creams even if they contain alcohol, because the alcohol contained in them is
from other than grapes, dates and barley. In many products, synthetic alcohol
formulated from chemical substances is used which, according to the fatwa position
in the Hanafi School, is not impure (najis). It is more precautionary, however, to avoid using such
perfumes, because of everything negative that the fashion and cosmetic
industries represent, and also to avoid the genuine difference of opinion of
those who regard synthetic alcohol to be impure. (See: Takmila Fath
al-Mulhim bi Sharh Sahih Muslim 3:342-343)
Certain perfumes do contain
alcohol that is derived from grapes and dates, such as Ethyl alcohol, thus
making the perfume unlawful to use. Other names given to Ethyl Alcohol are:
Ethanol and Methylated Spirits. Products containing these ingredients are therefore
prohibited.
Secondly, it is not permitted
for women to go out wearing perfume, as the Messenger of Allah (sa) firmly
forbade it in rigorously authenticated (Sahih hadiths. Sayyiduna Abu Musa (r) relates from the Messenger of Allah (sa) that he said:
"If a woman wore perfume
and passed by a group [of men], and they smelt her perfume, she is such and
such." The narrator says, "He (r) used stern words."
(Sunan Abi Dawud 4170)
As such, the wife should only
wear perfume when she is inside of her home, and must ensure that she washes it
away before going out.
d)
Adornment and beautification can also entail the wife wearing
gold, silver and other types of jewellery, and applying make-up to the face and
applying lipstick. It is superior for her to apply henna to the hands and feet,
and kohl to the eyes if she so desires, since they have been specifically
permitted through the Sunna. She should also adorn her hair by regularly
combing, arranging and taking care of it. Dyeing the hair is also permitted
provided the ingredients used in the dye are halal. The explanation given above on mainstream perfumes
and deodorants will also apply to hair-dyes.
It can be seen from the above
that Islam generally does not lay too many restrictions when it comes to a
woman adorning herself for her husband. After all, adornment is a means of both
the husband and wife maintaining their chastity and staying away from the
unlawful.
However, certain so-called
means of adornment that distort one's image are prohibited, even if done for
the husband. These include: cosmetic surgery for the purpose of beautification,
shaping eyebrows, wearing tattoos, piercing the body other than the ears and
nose, and wearing hair extensions and wigs made out of human hair. As such, these
things must be avoided.
e)
Part of a woman's adornment for her husband is also keeping fit, in
shape and healthy. The wife should look after her body-figure and maintain its
beauty as much as possible. Not only will this be a means of her husband being
attracted to her body, it will also help her remain healthy.
3) Feminine Behaviour
As part of her psychological
preparation for sexual relations, a woman must realise that what attracts her
husband towards her is her softness, gentleness and generally her feminine
behaviour, and that roughness and masculine traits are normally a "turn
off'' for men.
[Note-The renowned Hadith
master (hafiz) and Hanafi jurist Imam Badr al-Din al'Ayni, in his
commentary of the hadith in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) cursed men who assume the
traits of women, and women who assume the traits of men (Sahih al-Bukhari 554
7), explains that assuming the traits of the opposite gender is done
intentionally and unintentionally. The blame and curse in the hadith is only
when it is intentional. ('Umdat al-Qari Sharh Sahih al-Bukhari 15:85)
Allah Most High has created a
natural attraction and charm in a woman's voice that is capable of sexually
arousing a man. This is a reality which cannot be denied. Many psychologists
also agree, stressing that the voice of an individual plays a great role in
arousing sexual desires.
This is the reason why Allah
Most High commanded the wives of the Messenger of Allah (sa) in particular, and all Muslim
women in general, to abstain from conversing with non-mahram men in a soft
and sweet tone. Allah Most High says:
"O wives of the Prophet!
You are not like other women, if you are Godfearing. So do not be too soft in
your speech, lest someone having a disease in his heart should be moved with
desire."
(Qur'an 33:32)
The above verse commands women
not to speak too softly with non mahram men, and when talking to them,
both the content and manner of conversation must be appropriate and free of
anything inciting. This is because conversing with a member of the opposite sex
in a soft, provocative and flirty way is a means of falling into something
unlawful, and as such, the means itself has also been prohibited.
As such, the husband will be
significantly drawn towards his wife through her softness and feminine
behaviour. While the guidance mentioned above is applicable for all times, it
is even more essential when the couple intend to engage in sexual relations.
In order to set the mood and an
atmosphere of romance, the wife should use various ways and means of seducing
her husband. She may flirt, talk and behave amorously in order to arouse her
husband's sexual interest, avoiding anything that may be distasteful or a "turn off''. In this way, the
scene will be set for a passionate and enjoyable session of husband-wife union,
Insha’ Allah.
To Be Continued....
