READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING
THE HUSBAND'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS
A
man is entitled to have sex with his wife whenever he is desirous of it, and it
is her religious duty to make herself available to him. Failing to do so
without a valid excuse is a major sin, and this is emphasised in many hadiths: Sayyiduna
Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of
Allah (s) said:
''When a man calls his wife to
his bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps being angry, the angels curse her
until morning."
(Sahih al-Bukhan 3065 & Sahih Muslim 1436, the wording is of Muslim)
Sayyiduna
Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of
Allah (s) said:
"By the One in Whose hands
is my life, there is not a man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses
except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with
her."
(Sahih Muslim 1436)
Such
is the emphasis on this command that even if the wife happens to be busy when her husband calls her, she must
leave everything and respond to his call. Sayyiduna Talq ibn 'Ali (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:
"When a man calls his wife
for the fulfilment of his sexual need, she must come, even if she is [busy] in
the cooking area."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1160)
The
prophetic narrations above, and others, clearly illustrate the importance of
obedience to a husband's request for sexual relations. It is a grave sin, in
normal circumstances, for the wife to refuse her husband, and even more so if
her refusal leads to the husband committing an unlawful act.
Imam
Nawawi states in his commentary of the hadith related by Abu Hurayra (r) quoted earlier: 'This hadith indicates that it is
unlawful (haram) for the wife to refuse her husband sexual relations
without a valid reason. Menstruation is not considered a valid reason, since
the husband has a right to enjoy her from above the garment [i.e. with her clothes
acting as a barrier]." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 1 o84)
It was in this context that the
Messenger of Allah
(s) instructed women to seek
permission from their husbands before observing a voluntary fast, since the
husband may desire to fulfil his sexual needs whilst she is fasting. He (s) said:
"A woman must not fast
[i.e. optional fasts] whilst her husband is staying with her except with his
permission."
(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 4896)
Two
points, however, are worth considering here:
Firstly, the husband's right to
demand sex does not mean that he is allowed to force himself violently over his
wife for sexual gratification. The hadith mention the husband "sleeping in
a state of anger" and "being displeased" demonstrating the fact
that the husband should restrain himself from forcing himself aggressively over
her and hurting her. Had this been allowed, surely the Messenger of Allah (s)
would have permitted it for the husband.
Secondly,
the wife's duty to make herself available applies in normal situations when
there is no Shari'a-countenaced impediment or when she does not have a valid
excuse. The wife is required to obey her husband as long as she does not have
to forgo her own rights. As such, the various hadiths are an admonition for
women who use sex as a weapon against their husbands.
However,
if the wife is menstruating or has postnatal bleeding, she is ill, physically
unable to have sex, exhausted, emotionally drained or sexual activity is
detrimental to her well-being, then she no longer is obligated to comply with
her husband's demands for sex. Rather, the husband is required to show her sympathy
by understanding that she may be unable to have sex. But, simply "not
feeling up to it" is not a justified reason. Allah Most High says:
"On no soul does Allah
place a burden greater than it can bear." (Qur'an 2:286)
It is often observed that a husband
will demand his wife to fulfil his sexual needs, disregarding the fact that she
is extremely ill and not physically capable of having sex. Some threaten their
wives with divorce, and support their behaviour by quoting the above hadith. It
is important to understand that if the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activity and has a
genuine and Islamically valid reason, but the husband forces her, then he will
be sinful. Muslim husbands need to realise that their wives are also human
beings, and not machines that can be switched on and off whenever they desire!
Ultimately,
these matters are best resolved through mutual understanding, regard for one
another, love, gentleness and putting one's spouse before oneself. The
Messenger of Allah
(s) said, "None of you can be
a [true] believer until they love for their brother what they love for
themselves" (Sahih Muslim 45). The importance of this concept becomes even greater in a
marital relationship.
To Be Continued....
ARE YOU THE HUSBAND ALLAH (SWT) DESCRIBES?
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