9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

Source 

In almost all of the separations, affairs and divorces I’ve seen in my years running Husband Help Haven, at least one of these 9 'things' is missing from the marriage.

Too many men today have forgotten what it means to be a husband. We’ve forgotten our duties as the head of the family.Today, you’re going to get a clear-as-day reminder. Every marriage is different, yes, but ultimately there are some things that EVERY wife needs from her husband. As you read through each ‘thing’, I want you to ask yourself, “Does my wife get this from me?” If not, the time to change is now. Let’s get started.

1. Every Wife Needs SECURITY From Her Husband

To give your wife security means that you give her confidence in the future.

A guy emailed me a couple weeks ago with a heartbreaking story.

He had lost his job about 6 months ago. When he emailed me, his family’s bank account was almost empty and his wife had told him that if he didn’t find a way to make ends meet by the end of the month, she was going to walk out the door with their daughter and never come back.

Ouch.

Sounds harsh, right?

But, it’s not really that surprising. She’d been working a crummy minimum wage job to support the family, and after six months, she had officially lost faith in her husband and his ability to keep the family stable.

She lost confidence in his ability to provide a stable home for the family both now and in the future, and so she wanted out. Every wife craves a feeling of security from her husband. Since the beginning of time, man has provided and protected his family. A husband needs to give his wife that feeling of stability; no matter what happens, she needs to know he’s going to make everything okay.

What If Your Wife Is the Primary Income Earner?

This need for security does NOT mean you have to be the breadwinner. But it does mean that your wife needs to be able to trust that YOU are going to make sure the family is provided for, protected and looked after.

Your wife needs to trust that if, God forbid, someone would lose their job or get injured and be unable to work, that the family would not be doomed to financial ruin. If you’re NOT the breadwinner, you must be on top of financial planning. You need to make sure that the money your wife makes is being used wisely, and that you won’t be out on the streets if she loses her job.

2. Every Wife Needs CONTENTMENT From Her Marriage

Your wife needs to feel that her life inside the marriage is both enjoyable and worthwhile.

How do you do that? How do you create that feeling for your wife? It’s easy…

YOU have to genuinely believe the life you’re living is enjoyable and worthwhile!

You should enjoy your marriage as much as this guy enjoys cowboy hats!

When YOU are content with your marriage and your family, your WIFE will be much more likely to feel the same way. This means you should actively enjoy the time you spend with your wife. Be engaged with her and your kids, if you’ve got any. Look forward to the time you spend with your family.

When you’re home with them, don’t go into “bored mode” where you’re basically just trying to pass time until you get to do something you want to do, like watch TV or hop on the computer. And, don’t ever let yourself dread the time you spend with your family as just one more obligation… Your wife will be able to feel the moment you let yourself start thinking that way.

This Is ESPECIALLY Important If You're In Your Late 30's or 40's

Why?

Because this age-range is prime time for a midlife crisis.

And, since a midlife crisis is always rooted in unfulfillment, one of the best ways to combat, or better yet, prevent it is by leading the way in contentment. I have NEVER seen a wife fall into a midlife crisis when she felt content and fulfilled in the marriage.

3. Every Wife Wants to Feel PRIDE in Her Husband (and Family!)

Every little girl dreams of marrying a prince.
Every wife wants to know she married a great, worthy husband.

Your wife wants to be proud of her family. She wants to be proud of her husband, the man she has committed her life to.

And why wouldn’t she?

When you’re married, two become one. If your wife can be proud of you, then that means that she can be proud of herself. When she can be proud of her marriage, this helps her feel all the other things listed in this article!

Obviously, every husband has his flaws...

But, you don’t have to be perfect for your wife to be proud of the man she married. You just have to do the things that a husband is supposed to do! The good news is that it’s easier to stand out as a great husband today than it’s ever been, simply because so few men today have any idea what it means to lead in marriage.

It’s sad, but true.

By showing your wife that you’re one of the rare breed of men are capable of going above and beyond for their marriage and family, you WILL stand out, and she WILL be proud of you. It’s not rocket science!

4. Every Wife Needs SUPPORT From Her Husband

She can count on you to be the one always standing in her corner.

Your wife needs to know that you are always on her side.

She needs to know that you’ve got her back.

She needs you to be the shoulder she can lean on when times get tough.

This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on every single decision in the marriage. The type of support we’re talking about here is not necessarily for things INSIDE the marriage relationship, but for things OUTSIDE it.

For example...

• If your wife has an extremely stressful day at work, she needs to be able to come home and know that you will care about her day.
• If your wife is feeling overwhelmed with parenting, she needs to be able to trust that you can relieve her.
• If your wife gets into a big disagreement with one of her friends or relatives, she needs to know that you will be on her side.

Basically, your wife needs to know that you’re always going to be there to support her and hear her out. Whatever trials she ever faces in her life, she needs to feel like you are the foundation on which she can stand when everything else is falling apart.

5. Every Wife Needs FRIENDSHIP From Her Husband

Every wife should enjoy spending time with her husband.

A friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with. Ideally, husband and wife are each other’s best friend!

This means the alone time you get with your wife should not be centered only on the bedroom, or talking about family duties.

Of course, life is busy and especially if you have kids, a lot of alone time you and your wife get is going to be devoted to them. But, not ALL of it.

You and your wife should be able to spend time together as friends too, whether that means shooting the breeze together or doing something that you both enjoy.

6. Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Make Her Feel BEAUTIFUL

Every woman wants to feel beautiful.
It's your job to make your wife feel like a catch!

Again, there is something primal about this, because truly every woman wants to feel beautiful. In fact, you could argue that  every woman believes they ARE beautiful, and they want the man they married to recognize it.

Unfortunately, many women (and men) struggle with self-confidence about their looks. It is your job to combat that little voice inside your wife that tells her she’s not beautiful.

She needs to know that you count yourself extremely lucky to have her as your wife; you need to make her feel like the amazing catch that she is!

But!

Remember that beauty is more than just outward appearance.

Make sure you appreciate the physical, intellectual and spiritual beauty of your wife, and make sure she knows it!

This doesn’t just have to be something you do with words… Your actions can communicate how beautiful you find your wife too. If your wife’s love language is NOT words of affirmation, then get creative!

The important thing is that your wife gets that feeling of beauty from you, one way or another.

7. Every Wife Needs INTIMACY From Her Husband

Every woman needs that indescribable feeling of closeness from her husband.

Just to be clear, when I say intimacy, I’m NOT just talking about sex.

Intimacy is that feeling of closeness that a man and woman are meant to experience inside of a marriage. True intimacy is the manifestation of deep love between two people, and it doesn’t always have to be physical. Giving your wife intimacy is about the feeling you create for her, not the physical actions that you do.

Yes, intimacy DOES include sex. When you have sex with your wife, you should get that feeling of closeness, coziness, of unbridled love. But, sex isn’t the only form of intimacy.

Here are some other ways to create and maintain intimacy:

• You can create intimacy for your wife through non-sexual physical affection.
• You can give her that feeling of intimacy by understanding her as a person; show her that you understand her goals, her wants, or even her peeves.
• You can create that feeling of intimacy by engaging her on an intellectual level; by challenging her and/or talking to her about something she has deep knowledge of.
• Or, you can create that feeling on a spiritual level… One of the ways my wife and I stay intimate is by praying together every night WITHOUT our daughter. This time is husband-wife time, not parent time.

8. Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Step Up as a FATHER

You need to be more than just the leader of your marriage; you need to be the leader of your family!

We have a severe father problem in our society today.

Way too many kids are growing up without a proper father figure. Many kids grow up without any father at all.

For many of you, your own lack of male role models growing up is a big reason that you’re here on this site!

If you want your kids to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage when they grow up, then you MUST take your job as father seriously.

But, it’s not just your kids that need you to be the father of the family… Your wife does too! She needs you to not only be her leader, but leader to your children too.

How to S.P.E.L.L. Fatherhood

In Manly Marriage Revival, I give you an acronym to help you remember your responsibilities as father. The acronym is SPELL:

Strong – Always remain positive, confident and respectful in front of your kids. When you make decisions as a father, stand firm in them. When you say yes, it means yes. When you say no, it means no. You are “the Dad”.

Present – You are there for your kids. You get lots of face time with them.

But, remember that being present is about more than just physically being around your kids… A father must be present mentally and emotionally too. When you’re spending time with your kids, they get your full attention. Reinforce that they’re worthy of attention.

Encouraging – A good father is constantly uplifting his kids. He wants them to be confident. He wants to be a constant source of positivity. He isn’t cynical or negative.

Always look for opportunities to encourage your children… And not just generic encouragement like “Great job!” or “You did awesome!” Look for specific ways to praise your children.

Loving – Pretty straightforward one here… A father loves his kids and his kids know that he loves them. This is communicated through both words and actions.

Leader – Finally, a good father leads his family, and his kids see him as the family’s leader.

If you can hit all five of these, I can virtually guarantee you that your marriage will improve. When you're ACTIVE as a father, your wife will find you ATTRACTIVE as a husband.

9. Every Wife Needs LEADERSHIP From Her Husband

This is what it all comes down to.

Your wife NEEDS you to be a leader.

And not a leader in the traditional “alpha male” sense of the word...

She needs you to be a servant-leader… The type of leader who takes his job so seriously that he makes sacrifices for the benefit of those he serves.

This isn’t begging. This isn’t submission. Those two things are borne out of weakness and self-interest.

True husbandly leadership is borne out of strength, humility and, above all, love. This is the true meaning of husbandly leadership.

She needs to know that she can count on you to see the family to their betterment; a leader puts the cause (in this case, the family) ahead of himself, and that’s what you need to do for your wife. Your wife needs a leader in her marriage. Even if she doesn’t know it. Even if she doesn’t want it. She needs it, and she will love it once she sees it.

How many of these 9 things are you providing for your wife?

Which ones do you need to work on?

If you want to get a head start on giving your wife each of these 9 things in your marriage, then be sure to check out the free PDF workbook that goes along with this post:?

Free Bonus:  Click here to get access to a free PDF workbook to help you improve each of these these 9 'things' in your marriage, plus more manly marriage advice!

And, let’s take it a step further…

Can you think of anything else that every wife needs from her husband? Let me know!

Much manly love,
- Jacob

Advice For Men- How To Keep A Women Happy

 

CONCLUSION - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

- 1 2 - CONCLUSION

IN THE PRECEDING pages, an attempt was made to shed light on issues concerning the sexual relationship of a husband and wife in light of the Qur'an, Prophetic statements and texts of both classical and contemporary scholars. It has not been easy to discuss such a delicate topic in an open and frank manner, given the nature of the topic and given the natural bashfulness of a human being.

However, upon seeing many of our classical and contemporary scholars not only discussing these issues but explaining the finer details of it too, I embarked on this journey keeping in mind the statement of Allah Most High, "Surely, Allah is not shy of [expounding] the truth" and keeping in mind the statement of the Tabi'i, Mujahid, "Sacred knowledge is not gained by a shy or an arrogant person". I felt it was of paramount importance that Muslims seek Islamic knowledge relating to all areas of their lives, and that they do not shy away from certain aspects of it because of cultural taboos or constraints.

I hope I have gone some way towards achieving what I had set out to do. I pray this work is a source of much benefit for married couples, Insha 'Allah. I ask Allah Most High to make it purely for His sake, and that He forgive me for any mistakes that may have been committed, Amin Ya Rabb al-'Alamin.

BIBLIOGRAPHY & INDEX 

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

* END *

ETIQUETTES AND FIQH OF THE FIRST NIGHT OF MARRIAGE - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

- 11- ETIQUETTES AND FIQH OF THE FIRST NIGHT OF MARRIAGE

THE FIRST NIGHT of marriage (laylat al-zufaf) is probably the most important night of a couple's marital life. Failing to observe correct moral ethics and etiquettes in this night can have a long-lasting negative impact on one's spouse, since the first impression is often a lasting impression.  

Both spouses will be starting a completely new chapter in their lives, not knowing what the future holds for them. Naturally, they will be nervous, apprehensive and anxious. At the same time, they will be excited and eager to get to know one another and start their marital life with bliss. In an ideal situation, both will almost be strangers to each other, having had no intimate contact previously. As such, bashfulness and a feeling of strangeness is to be expected.

In such circumstances, it is extremely important for both the husband and wife to try their utmost to make matters easy for one another. They should treat each other with extreme gentleness, compassion and tenderness. The wife will naturally be more nervous, bashful and even fearful, hence the husband has added responsibilities to play his role of a husband on the first night. He should ensure that she feels at ease by creating a friendly and courteous atmosphere. He should be kind and extremely gentle with her by engaging in light-hearted conversation.

1) Greeting with Salam and Reciting the Du' a

When the newly married couple enter the bedroom, after greeting one another with the traditional Islamic greeting "Assalamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuh" (may the peace of Allah descend upon you and His Mercy and Blessings), the husband should place his hand on his wife's forelock (front part of the head) and recite the following supplication:

Transliteration:

Allahumma inni as'aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha 'alayhi a'udhu bika min sharriha wa sham mil jabaltaha 'alayh.

Translation:

"O Allah! I ask from you the good of her and the good with which you have created her, and I seek refuge with you from the evil in her and the evil with which you have created her."  

(Sunan Abi Dawud 2153, Sunan Ibn Majah 1918 and others, 

the wording of the Du'a is from Sunan Abi Dawud)

Although, this supplication (du'a is addressed to the man, it implicitly includes the woman also. Any Du'a which refers to women in a specific way can also be inverted to refer to men. As such, the wife may also recite the supplication when she sees her husband for the first time, but the wording will be slightly changed to accommodate the male gender, as follows:

Transliteration:

Allahumma inni as'aluka khayrahu wa khayra mil jabaltahu 'alayhi wa a'udhu bika min sharrihi wa sharri mil jabaltahu 'alayh.

Translation:

"O Allah! I ask from you the good of him and the good with which you have created him, and I seek refuge with you from the evil in him and the evil with which you have created him." (See: Radiant Prayers by Mufti Taqi Uthmani P: 64)

The reason behind this supplication is that all human beings, with the exception of the Prophets (peace be upon them), are prone to the whisperings of the Devil and have a propensity for evil, and so the couple are encouraged to pray for the good in each other and seek protection from each other's evil. It certainly does not mean that one's spouse is evil, but rather, this supplication refers to the possibility of evil in one's spouse, be that the husband or wife.

2) Offering Prayers

Abu Wa'il relates that a man once came to Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ad (r) and said, "I married a woman, but I fear discord [between us]. He replied, ''When you bring her to you, offer two Rak'ats of prayer [and in another variation he said, ''When you enter upon her, ask her to offer two Rak'ats behind you] and then say, "O Allah! Bless my family for me, and bless me for my family. O Allah! Unite us with good, and separate us, if you do, with good." (Tabarani in his Al-Mu'jam al-Kabir 9: 204, and 'Abd al-Razzaq in his Al-Musannaf 6:83)

In this way, the couple should first perform two Rak'ats of prayer, preferably in congregation, with combined intentions of night vigil prayer (tahajjud), thanks-giving prayer (shukr) and prayer of need (haja). If the couple is in need of renewing their ablution, they must first perform the ritual ablution. After the prayer, they should praise Allah Most High and send blessings on His Messenger (sa) and thank Allah for blessing them with this great gift of marriage. They should ask Allah to bless their union with goodness, prosperity, mutual love and the birth of pious offspring. Remember, the best of supplications are those that are made from the heart, out of neediness, with recognition of one's standing as a slave of Allah.

3) Light-hearted Discussion

After praying and making Du' a, the couple should try to get to know each other more closely and assess each other's feelings by initiating a light-hearted discussion. It is recommended that they first engage themselves in some religious talk such as discussing the aims and objectives of marriage in Islam. They should make a firm resolution of living their lives in accordance with Islamic teachings and always to obey Allah Most High and His beloved Messenger (sa). They may even read some Islamic literature together, if they so wish. The husband should regard this moment as an opportunity to show his consideration for his wife's tender feelings, and treat her with love, affection and warmth. The wife, in turn, should not play "hard-to-get" but respond to his tenderness with love and compassion of her own.

4) Sexual Relations

It is important to note that engaging in sexual relations on the first night is not necessary. The husband should not hasten in taking his wife's virginity, but rather he should approach the matter with extreme calmness, even if it takes a few days. The newly married couple have all their lives before them for sexual relations, and there is no need to make haste in this regard. Much of the time during the first night should be spent in getting to know one another, sharing each other's outlook on life and how their marital life should be lived in accordance with Islamic teachings. They may, however, begin to be intimate with one another, if they feel comfortable.

If intimacy does lead to sexual relations and actual sex, then the husband needs to be extremely gentle during penetration. A virgin undergoes considerable anxiety and pain during sex, and the husband must keep this in mind. Scholars mention that a husband's inability to penetrate on the first night is not a sign of his weakness or sexual impotency, since it is natural for men to be bashful or anxious on the first night, affecting their sexual potency. The couple may try on another occasion, and it may even take a few days. Both spouses will need to approach this delicate issue with forbearance and tolerance, helping one another in making matters as easy as possible. (Usul al­Mu'ashara al-Zawjiyya P: 69)

Likewise, the husband should not expect his wife to respond fully to his sexual advances on the first night. A woman is more bashful than a man and will naturally be reserved in her response. The husband should take one step at a time, and the wife should respond to him in each step that he takes, eventually leading to full sexual relations. (Ibid)

5) Evil Suspicions

One extremely important point of caution for the husband is never to doubt his wife or have evil suspicions if it appears that she is not a virgin. Baseless suspicions and evil thoughts about others are categorically forbidden in Islam and a major sin. Allah Most High Says:

"O you who believe! Abstain from much suspicion. Some suspicions are sins ... "

(Qur'an: 49:12)

A woman's hymen, the fold of tissue that partly covers the entrance to the vagina of a virgin, can be broken in many ways, including heavy menstrual flow, prolonged illness, falling, jumping excessively, horse ­riding, cycling and certain sporting activities. In fact, in the Hanafi School, a woman is considered an "effective virgin" if people consider her a virgin, even though she may have had sex in the past without this being presently known about her. This is because virginity is something of great social weight in Islamic society, and to stain her honour for a past sin, from which the woman has presumably repented, would be wrong. (Radd al-Muhtar)

If the first night is spent in accordance with the above guidelines, it will serve as a perfect start to a blissful and happy life of marriage, Insha 'Allah.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....