Watching Pornography - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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5) Watching Pornography

Is it permitted for a couple to watch pornographic material to stimulate sexual arousal before sex? The answer to this question is an absolute and emphatic "no".

Pornography, whether in the form of motion picture films, movies, novels, plays, pictures or photographs, is without doubt unlawful, shameful and sinful. Islam clearly forbids looking at nudity or watching others have sex. Allah Most High says:

"Say to the believing men that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts; it is more decent for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And say to the believing women that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts [ ... ]"

(Qur'an 24:30-31)

In these verses, both men and women are ordered to lower their gazes to avoid seeing the nakedness of others. Even if one's gaze were to fall unintentionally on the nakedness of another, one would be required to look away instantaneously.

Sayyiduna jarir ibn 'Abdullah (r) relates:

"I asked the Messenger of Allah (sa) about an accidental glance, and he commanded me to avert my gaze." (Sahih Muslim 2159 & Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2776, the wording is of Tirmidhi)

Imam Nawawi, in his commentary of the above hadith, says, "The meaning of an "accidental glance" is that a person's glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately, then there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, he will be sinful due to this hadith, since the Messenger of Allah (sa) commanded the Companion to avert his gaze, and Allah Most High says, "Say to the believing men that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts." (Al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim P: 1618)

Moreover, Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"A man must not look at the nakedness of another man, and a woman must not look at the nakedness of another woman ... "  

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2793)

Jarhad al-Aslami (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) passed by him whilst his thigh was exposed. The Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"Cover your thigh, for the thigh is from the nakedness [which must be concealed]."

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2798)

Pornographic films do not help a couple's sex life, rather, they destroy it. Pornography is a highly addictive disease that leads invariably to the vice of self-abuse and masturbation. Watching nudity makes men and women incapable of being stimulated from one another naturally. They find it difficult to be aroused by their spouses, whilst they are easily aroused by pornography. This is why pornography is the most common cause for psychological impotence in the world. Muslim couples accustomed to pornography must realize that habitually watching porn will eventually lead to problems in their sex lives. As such, they must at once stop this disgraceful, perverted and immodest habit, if they are to have a prosperous martial life.

6) Cross-Dressing and Transvestism

Cross-dressing basically means dressing in the clothing, under-clothing and sometimes make-up associated with the opposite sex. If cross ­dressing is for sexual reasons, it is called "transvestism". A transvestite derives sexual pleasure from dressing or masquerading in the clothing of the opposite sex. In most cases, the motivation behind transvestism is a form of fetishistic attraction to the clothing and accoutrements of the opposite sex, but it may also have to do with an attraction to the gender role of the opposite sex, symbolised by their clothes. As such, a husband who wears his wife's clothes or underwear, or a wife who dresses up in her husband's clothing or underwear is known as a transvestite.

There is no place for cross-dressing or transvestism in Islam. Playing the role, assuming the character-traits, and wearing the clothes of the opposite gender is severely frowned upon and cursed.

Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas (r) relates:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) cursed those men who imitate women and those women who imitate men." 

(Sahih al-Bukhairi 5546)

'Abdullah ibn Abbas (r) also relates:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) cursed effeminate men and masculine women, and said, "Throw them out of your houses." He [Ibn Abbas] said, 'The Messenger of Allah (sa) expelled so and so, and 'Umar expelled so and so."  

(Sahih al-Bukhairi 5547)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) cursed the man who wears women's clothes, and the woman who wears men's clothes."  

(Sunan Abi Dawud 4095)

Imam Ibn Hajar al-'Asqalani states in his commentary of Sahih al­Bukhari that it is unlawful for men to imitate women in their dress, adornment, manner of speech and body movements, and vice versa. As far as dress is concerned, he states, this depends on the customs of one's city. Some cultures may not distinguish between men and women's clothing but rather women are distinguished with their hijab and outer cloak [as such, wearing such unisex clothing would be permitted]. As far as the manner of speech and body movements are concerned, only someone who does this deliberately is to be blamed; whilst someone who was created in such a manner is not to be blamed, but he is expected to gradually change his behaviour. If he fails to try and change himself, then he is to be blamed, especially if he is content with such behaviour. Yes, despite trying, if he is unable to change himself, then he is not to be blamed. (Fath al-Bar'i Sharh Sahih al-Bukhari 10:409)

It is clear from the above that it is sinful to intentionally dress like the opposite gender or to assume the character traits of the opposite gender. The evil of such behaviour affects both the individual and society at large, and is a rebellion against the natural ordering of things. There are men and there are women, and each gender has its distinctive characteristics. If men become effeminate and women masculinised, the natural order is reversed and will disintegrate.

Therefore, during sexual relations and foreplay, it is sinful for a husband to act the role of the wife by dressing in her clothes or underwear, and vice versa. The man should be a man and play the role of a man, and the woman must remain a woman and play her own role. Reversing the roles during sexual foreplay is not only sinful and degrading, but it will have a direct influence on the couple's relationship outside of the bedroom.

7) Urolagnia

Urolagnia is an abnormal sexual fetish in which participants derive sexual pleasure from urine and urination. It is a "sexual" act, used as a means of foreplay, which involves one partner urinating "golden shower" over the other partner. Some even go to the extent of drinking their partner's urine!

A sound, normal human being cannot even imagine anyone deriving pleasure from urine and filth. It is a sick and perverted fetish that can never be allowed in Islam. The basis of Islam is cleanliness and purity (tahara). The collections of hadith and books of fiqh are filled with pages dedicated to the rules of avoiding filth. Tahara is the first issue that is addressed in almost every hadith and fiqh work. Purity is half of one's faith and the key to prayer. A believer must remain pure and love pure things, and avoid and dislike impure and filth.

As such, urinating over one's spouse as part of sexual foreplay is, without doubt, impermissible and sinful. Not avoiding splashes of urine is a cause of punishment in the grave. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas (r) relates:

'The Messenger of Allah (sa) once passed by two graves and said, 'They [in the grave] are being punished not for a great thing to avoid" Then he added, ''Yes, [they are being punished for a great sin], for one of them used to go about with calumnies, while the other never saved himself from the splashes of urine." Ibn Abbas says, "Then he (sa) took a wet green leaf and split it into two pieces, then placed one piece on each of the two graves and said, 'Their punishment may decrease until these two pieces become dry." 

(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 1312)

Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said,

"Avoid [the splashes of] urine, for indeed the punishment of the grave is generally due to it." (Sunan al-Daraqutn'i 1:12 8)

According to the jurists of the various schools of Islamic law, it is obligatory to avoid filth except when there is a need, such as cleaning the filth after relieving oneself. This is even more important in the case of urine, since it is decisively filthy and impure. One must avoid smearing oneself with filth in general and with urine in particular. (Hanafi Tahtaw'i 'ala Maraq'i al-Falah P: 152 and Al-Fatawa al-Hind'iyya 1: 50, Maliki’ Hashiya al-Dasuq'i 'ala 'l-Sharh al-Kabir 1: 110, Shafi'i Mughn'I al-Muhtaj 1:127 and Hanbal1: Al-Mughn'i 1:141)

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

Showering with One's Spouse - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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OTHER CONTEMPORARY FORMS OF FOREPLAY

3) Showering with One's Spouse

It is permitted for a husband and wife to bathe and have a shower together as part of their intimacy and foreplay, because the spouses are allowed to look at each other's naked bodies, as discussed earlier. It is established that the Messenger of Allah (sa) bathed with his wives. Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates:

"The Messenger of Allah "- and I used to take a bath from a single pot of water, and our hands used to go in the pot after each other in turn."  

(Sahih al-Bukhar'i 258)

The Messenger of Allah (sa) is also reported to have bathed with Maymuna and Umm Salama (r) Imam Tahaw'i (of the Hanafi School, Imam Qurtubi (of the Maliki School and Imam Nawaw'i of the Shafi'i School all relate the agreement of the scholars on the permissibility of a man bathing together with his wife from a single pot. (Al-Ta'liq al­Mumajjad 'ala Muwatta' Muhammad 1:142-244)

4) Sexually Provocative Dancing

As a general rule, dancing, sexually provocative or otherwise, is unlawful and sinful if accompanied by music. Listening to mainstream music is decisively prohibited according to all four Sunni schools of lslamic law, and results in many personal and societal ills.

Musical instruments designed exclusively for entertainment and dancing, and which are capable of captivating the listener, even when unaccompanied by the human voice, such as the drum, violin, guitar, fiddle, flute, lute, mandolin, harmonium and piano, are all prohibited to use and listen to. The only exception is the duff, a plain tambourine without jingles attached to it. This has generally been unanimously agreed upon since the era of the Companions (Sahaba), their followers (tabi’un), jurists (fuqaha) and scholars. (Bada'i al-Sana'i 6:269, Mughni al-Muhtaj 4:429 and Al-Mughni 12:39)

Sayyiduna Abu Malik al-Ash'ari (r) relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah (sa) say:

"There will appear people in my Umma, who will hold fornication, silk, alcohol and musical instruments to be lawful..." 

(Sahih al­Bukhari 5268)

There are numerous hadiths about the prohibition of music. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami, the Imam of the Shafi'i school (may Allah have mercy on him), gathered all these hadiths, approximately forty, in his excellent work Kaff al-Ra'a 'an Muharramat al-Lahw wa'l-Sama', and then said, "All of this is explicit and compelling textual evidence that musical instruments of all types are unlawful." (2:270)

As such, it is sinful for a wife to dance in any way to "music", since listening to music is prohibited. This prohibition remains, even if she is dancing for her husband's pleasure in the privacy of their own room.

As for dancing in front of one's spouse in private without music, this is allowed provided it is innocent and decent dancing (even if sensual or provocative), and not associated with the corrupt and immoral such as lap-dancing, pole-dancing and belly-dancing. A believer must avoid acts that are distinguishably those of the corrupt, immoral and shameless. (See: Mughni al-Muhtaj 4:573, Radd al-Muhtar 4:259-260 and Al-Fatawa al-hadithiyya P: 298)

The ruling on the husband and wife dancing together is the same, in that if it is accompanied by music, it is unlawful, and permitted without music, provided one avoids imitating the lewdness of those corrupt and immoral.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....

CONTEMPORARY FORMS OF FOREPLAY - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING

OTHER CONTEMPORARY FORMS OF FOREPLAY

We have discussed the general Islamic guidelines concerning foreplay. However, there are new methods of foreplay and sexual stimulation, and it is important to understand the Islamic viewpoint concerning them.

1) Using Sex Aids and Toys

A sex aid is an object used to trigger or enhance sexual arousal or orgasm that a couple can use in masturbation or other sexual activity. Some of the most common are dildos, vibrators, clitoral stimulators, extension condoms, vaginal balls and various creams and lotions.

Among Muslim couples, the use of sex aids is an increasingly common method of enhancing sexual performance, but Islamically, certain things need to be considered. 

a) The Shari'a does not permit one to harm oneself. As such, if a sex aid harms either of the two spouses, it is not permitted to use it. It is necessary that the aid not cause any harm whatsoever to either spouse. 

b) Certain aids are figures in the form of animate life. Such aids are not permitted to use, as picture-making (taswir) is unlawful. 

c) Using lubricants, lotions, gels and creams is permitted, without dislike, provided they cause no harm. 

d) Using an aid such as a vibrator to stimulate any part of the body except the private parts, or to stimulate the outer private parts of the wife, including her clitoris, is also permitted. The proviso here is that it must be used by one's spouse and not by the person themselves. To use such aids alone as a means of alleviating one's loneliness is sinful, and would be considered a form of masturbation. As such, if it is feared that using aids with one's spouse would lead one into using them when alone, then they must be avoided. 

e) Inserting a vibrator or a dildo into the inner-private parts of the wife for her to have an orgasm is not permitted, even if the husband uses it on her. Likewise, it is not permitted for the husband to use aids such as masturbators and realistic vaginas to ejaculate, even if he is accompanied by his wife. The Shari'a allows the couple to derive benefit from any part of each other's bodies, as explained earlier, but does not permit them to masturbate in front of each other using another object. It is akin to a woman holding an object for her husband to masturbate with until he ejaculates. Clearly, this is not permitted.

Using sex aids can have adverse effects on the relationship. The man can become lazy, it may prevent husband-wife bonding that natural sexual relations provide, and it can cause the wife to consider her husband incapable of satisfying her naturally and lose respect for him. As such, it is best to avoid using sex aids altogether, whether the intention is to spice up one's relations or even to use it as a last resort.

2) Bondage and Flogging

Bondage is a sexual practice in which "pleasure" is gained by means of one partner being physically restrained or tied up. It can be a way of defining active and passive sexual roles. Restraints used include handcuffs, ropes, shackles, belts, chains, blindfolds and collars. Flogging is the act of whipping, spanking and generally inflicting pain on one's partner for sexual arousal.

Islamically, these acts are to be avoided as they go against sound human disposition (fitra). Islam instructs the husband to be extremely gentle and tender towards his wife, let alone inflict pain on her. The Mercy to both worlds "- forbade men from being cruel to their wives and hurting them saying, "One of you beats his wife as he would beat a slave, and then he may have sex with her in the evening!" (Sahih al­Bukhar'i 4658 and Sahih Muslim 2855)

Moreover, the basis of marital relations is that they are to be lived "in a good way" (bi'l-ma'ruf), as Allah Most High tells us in the Qur'an. Each spouse strives to give the other their rights - including the fulfilment of their sexual needs - but within the boundaries of what can be considered to be "in a good way".

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....