READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING
OTHER CONTEMPORARY FORMS OF FOREPLAY
We have discussed the general
Islamic guidelines concerning foreplay. However, there are new methods of
foreplay and sexual stimulation, and it is important to understand the Islamic viewpoint concerning them.
1) Using Sex Aids and Toys
A sex aid is an object used to
trigger or enhance sexual arousal or orgasm that a couple can use in
masturbation or other sexual activity. Some of the most common are dildos,
vibrators, clitoral stimulators, extension condoms, vaginal balls and various
creams and lotions.
Among Muslim couples, the use
of sex aids is an increasingly common method of enhancing sexual performance,
but Islamically, certain things need to be considered.
a) The Shari'a does not permit
one to harm oneself. As such, if a sex aid harms either of the two spouses, it
is not permitted to use it. It is necessary that the aid not cause any harm whatsoever to either spouse.
b) Certain aids are figures in
the form of animate life. Such aids are not permitted to use, as picture-making
(taswir) is unlawful.
c) Using lubricants, lotions,
gels and creams is permitted, without dislike, provided they cause no harm.
d) Using an aid such as a vibrator
to stimulate any part of the body except the private parts, or to stimulate the
outer private parts of the wife, including her clitoris, is also permitted. The
proviso here is that it must be used by one's spouse and not by the person
themselves. To use such aids alone as a means of alleviating one's loneliness
is sinful, and would be considered a form of masturbation. As such, if it is
feared that using aids with one's spouse would lead one into using them when alone,
then they must be avoided.
e) Inserting a vibrator or a
dildo into the inner-private parts of the wife for her to have an orgasm is not
permitted, even if the husband uses it on her. Likewise, it is not permitted for the
husband to use aids such as masturbators and realistic vaginas to ejaculate,
even if he is accompanied by his wife. The Shari'a allows the couple to derive
benefit from any part of each other's bodies, as explained earlier, but does
not permit them to masturbate in front of each other using another object. It is akin to a woman holding an object for her husband
to masturbate with until he ejaculates. Clearly, this is not permitted.
Using sex aids can have adverse
effects on the relationship. The man can become lazy, it may prevent
husband-wife bonding that natural sexual relations provide, and it can cause
the wife to consider her husband incapable of satisfying her naturally and lose
respect for him. As such, it is best to avoid using sex aids altogether,
whether the intention is to spice up one's relations or even to use it as a
last resort.
2) Bondage and Flogging
Bondage is a sexual practice in
which "pleasure" is gained by means of one partner being physically
restrained or tied up. It can be a way of defining active and passive sexual roles.
Restraints used include handcuffs, ropes, shackles, belts, chains, blindfolds
and collars. Flogging is the act of whipping, spanking and generally inflicting
pain on one's partner for sexual arousal.
Islamically, these acts are to
be avoided as they go against sound human disposition (fitra). Islam instructs the husband to
be extremely gentle and tender towards his wife, let alone inflict pain on her.
The Mercy to both worlds "- forbade men from being cruel to their wives and
hurting them saying, "One of you beats his wife as he would beat a slave,
and then he may have sex with her in the evening!" (Sahih alBukhar'i 4658 and Sahih Muslim 2855)
Moreover, the basis of marital
relations is that they are to be lived "in a good way" (bi'l-ma'ruf),
as Allah Most High tells us in the Qur'an. Each spouse strives to give the
other their rights - including the fulfilment of their sexual needs - but
within the boundaries of what can be considered to be "in a good
way".
To Be Continued....
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