Warning - Contents may have images/information that some viewers may find disturbing. Proceed with caution. One of the principles of sharee’ah (law) is that whatever leads to haraam deeds is itself haraam, so everything that leads to the provocation of haraam desires is haraam, because it may lead to a person falling into evil things. If you feel erotic while reading the post, please leave/close the page.
Foreplay can take many forms,
and it is best left to the couple to discover what
stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however,
must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here:
1) Kissing
2) Massaging and Caressing
3) Body Contact
Part of foreplay is to have
full-length, body-to-body contact, i.e. to hold the body of one's spouse
full-length against oneself. This includes hugging, amorous caressing,
cuddling, rolling around, taking one's spouse into one's arms, rubbing one's
body against one's spouse and lying completely on top of one's spouse. This is
permitted and encouraged, with or without clothes.
A question arises here about the permissibility of the
husband rubbing his penis against his wife's thighs, stomach and other parts of
the body to ejaculate, and likewise, the permissibility of the wife stroking
her vagina against a part of her husband's body to reach an orgasm.
In light of the previous
discussion on mutual masturbation, it is clear that this act is permitted for
both spouses. Imam Ibn 'Abidin in his Radd al-Muhtar explains that
rubbing the penis against the wife's thighs (tafkh'idh) or against her
stomach (tabt'in) to ejaculate are both permitted, although slightly
disliked (karaha tanz'ihiyya), because semen is wasted. (Radd al-Muhtar
2:399 and 4:27)
The renowned jurist of the
Indian Subcontinent, Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Shafi' Uthmani, states: "If
one ejaculates by rubbing against the hands and other parts of the wife due to
need, then this is permitted without even being disliked. Cases of need include
the wife being on menstruation or postnatal bleeding and the husband has a need
to fulfil his sexual desire. If this is done without need, then it is [still
permitted but] slightly disliked." (Imdad al-Muft'in 2:585)
This returns us to the
principle that the union of marriage allows each spouse to derive pleasure from
the other. As such, it is permitted for either spouse to rub their private
parts against the body of the other to reach an orgasm. However, it is superior
to avoid this if there is no need for it. One
must also remember that the means of stimulation must be one's spouse's body,
and not self-stimulation, otherwise it will be considered unlawful
masturbation.
Foreplay can take many forms,
and it is best left to the couple to discover what
stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however,
must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here:
1) Kissing
2) Massaging and Caressing
a) As part of foreplay, both spouses
should gently massage, caress and stroke each other's bodies, since this is an
effective way of arousing sexual desires. One may stroke and sensually massage
all areas of the body, including the hands, shoulders, back, stomach, thighs,
legs and the feet. This may be done with a lubricant such as oil or talc.
In a hadith recorded by Shaykh
'Ali al-Muttaqi al-Hindi in his Kanzal-' Ummal the Messenger of Allah (sa)is reported to have said:
"When a man glances at his
wife and she glances at him [with love and affection], Allah Most High looks at
them with mercy. When he holds her hand [with love and affection], their sins
fall from the gaps between their fingers." (Kanz al-' Ummal.fi Sunan
al-Aqwalwa'l-Afal 44437 with a weak chain of
transmission)
Both spouses should explore
each other's "erogenous zones", areas of heightened sexual
sensitivity in the body. The location of these areas varies with the individual
and can include any part of the body, but there are common erogenous zones that
exist in most people. The penis in men and the clitoris in women are both
sensitive erogenous zones.
Areas of heightened sensitivity
include the ears, the nape, the breasts and nipples, the inside of the thighs,
behind the knees, the buttocks, the soles of the feet, toes and obviously the
male and female genital areas. One should gently massage and stroke these areas
to sexually arouse one's spouse. Be mindful that giving pleasure to one's
spouse is an act of virtue, for which one will be rewarded, Insha' Allah.
b) There is nothing wrong in
touching, stroking and fondling the genitals of one's spouse. In fact, as part
of foreplay, it is encouraged to stroke and play with each other's private
parts. The wife may stroke her husband's penis, while the husband may fondle
her vagina. It is an effective means of
preparing one's spouse for sexual intercourse. In this regard, it is important
to stimulate the woman's clitoris, a small sensitive and erectile part of the
female genitals at the front of the vagina, as this will result in a more
profound sexual response.
It is stated in Al-Fatawa
al-Hindiyya, a renowned Hanafi Fiqh reference work, that Imam Abu Yusuf
said, "I asked Imam Abu Hanifa regarding a man who strokes his wife's
vagina and she strokes his penis in order that he get an erection, do you see any wrong
in that?" He replied, "No, rather I am confident that one will be
rewarded for doing so." (AlFatawa al-Hindiyya 5:328. The same has
been recorded by Imam Khatib al-Shirbini of the Shafi'i School in his Mughni
al-Muhtaj 3:181)
c) Moreover, it is permissible
for the husband to use his hands and fingers to make his wife reach orgasm, and
likewise the wife to use her hands to masturbate her husband. It is particularly encouraged for the husband to practice this on his wife, since women take longer to reach an orgasm.
The renowned Hanafi jurist,
Imam Ibn 'Abidin, clearly states the permissibility of mutual masturbation
between the spouses in his Radd al-Muhtar. He states quoting Miraj al-Diraya, "And it is
permitted to masturbate with the hand of one's wife." (Radd al-Muhtar
'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 2:399)
Imam Ibn 'Abidin details the
difference between this and masturbating with one's own hand, which is clearly
forbidden. In the former case, one is satisfying oneself with that which is
permissible to gain satisfaction from, namely a part of one's spouse, and one
is entitled to seek sexual satisfaction from her entire body, whereas in the
latter case, one is not. He notes that the prohibition of masturbating with
one's own hand likewise applies to masturbating with one's own thighs, a wall
or any other object. (Ibid)
In the chapter pertaining to
legal punishments (kitab al-hudud), the author of the original work Al-Durr
al-Mukhtar states, "If a man allows his wife to stroke his penis and
he ejaculates, it is disliked but there is nothing on him." Commenting on
this, Imam Ibn 'Abidin, explains that dislike here means "slightly
disliked (karaha tanzih)" without it being sinful, and then refers
to what he discussed earlier in the chapter of fasting that it is permitted to
masturbate with the hand of one's wife. (Radd al-Muhtar 4:27)
Based on this reasoning and the
explicit text mentioned above concerning the permissibility of a man
masturbating with his wife's hand, it can be concluded that the reverse is also
permissible, namely the wife masturbating with the husband's hand.
Imam Ghazali of the Shafi'i
School also permits the husband being masturbated with his wife's hands. (See: lthaf
al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi Sharh Ahya' 'Ulum al-Din 6:1 79)
d) As for the spouses looking
at each other's private parts, this is also, by and large, permitted in all
Schools, though superior to avoid. Through the union of marriage, Shari'a
permits both the husband and wife to glance at any part of each other's bodies,
which includes the private parts.
Sayyiduna Bahz ibn Hakim (r) says that my father related to me from my
grandfather [Mu'awiya ibn Hayda], who said, "I said, O Messenger of Allah! Which of our nakedness is
allowed to be exposed, and of which must we be careful?" The Messenger of Allah (sa) said:
"Guard your nakedness (awra)
except from your wife or your slavewoman .... "
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi
2769 and Sunan Ibn Majah 1920)
Imam 'Abd al-Razzaq al-San'ani:
in his Al-Musannaf and Imam Tabarani’i in his Al-Mu'jam al-Kabir both
record a hadith related by Sa'd ibn Mas'ad al-Kindi (r) who says:
"Uthman ibn Mazun (r) came to the Messenger of Allah (sa) and said, "O Messenger of
Allah! I feel shy that my wife sees my nakedness (awra)." The
Messenger of Allah (sa) said, "Why should that be when Allah has made you a garment
for them and them a garment for you ... "
(Al-Musannaf 6:8 5 and Al-Muj"am al-Kabir 9:37)
Imam Burhan al-Din
al-Marghinani of the Hanafi School states in his work Al-Hidaya that a
man may look at the private parts of his wife since it is permitted for him to
look at her whole body, with and without desire (shahwa). He mentions
that this ruling is based on the hadith in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) said, "Lower your gaze
except from your slave-woman and wife" and also on the fact that touching
the wife's private parts and sex are both permitted, hence merely looking is
even more worthy of being permitted. However, he says, it is superior for each
of the spouses to avoid looking at the other's private parts. (Al-Hidaya 4:461)
It is stated in Al-Fatawa
al-Hindiyya that 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) would say, "It is better for the husband to look at his
wife's private parts during sex, so that it helps in achieving full gratification." (Al-Fatawa
al-Hindiyya 5:328. Imam 'Ayni states that this report is not authentically established
from Ibn 'Umar. See: Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 6:367)
Imam Khatib al-Shirbini of the
Shafi'i School also mentions the permissibility of looking at the spouse's
private parts but mentions, that it is disliked to do so without need. He then
quotes Sayyida 'A'isha (r) who said, "I never saw the private parts of the Messenger of Allah
(sa)and he never saw mine." (Recorded by Ibn Majah
in his Sunan 1922, Imam Abmad in his Musnad and others)
He further states that the hadith,
"Looking at private parts may result in blindness" is deemed weak
(qa'if) or fabricated (mawdu’) by the scholars of hadith, such as Imam
Ibn Hibban and Imam Ibn alJawzi." (Mughni al-Muhtaj 3:181)
The Maliki and Hanbali schools
also agree with the Hanafi and Shafi'i position on the permissibility of
looking at the private parts of one's spouse. (Al-Mughni 7:458 for the Hanbali
School, and Hashiya al-Dasuqi 'ala'l-Sharh, al-Kabir 2:341 for the
Maliki School)
e) Finally, it is permitted for both spouses to be completely
naked. Shaykh Muhammad Kan'an, a contemporary scholar, writes in his book Al-Mu'ashra
al-Zawjiyya, "It is inappropriate for a husband to have sex with his wife whilst
they are both wearing clothes. Rather, it is better for both spouses to be
naked before sex even if completely, for this is better for them [ ... ]" (P: 64)
It is stated in Al Fatawa al-Hind'iyya quoting Hanafi
Scholars that it is allowed for the couple to be naked during sex if they are
within their room [i.e. no one is able to see them]. (Al-Fatawa al-Hindzyya 5:328)
Scholars mention, however, that
the couple should place a cover or sheet over their naked bodies. Imam Ghazali
states, 'The husband should place a sheet over himself and his wife."
(See: lthaf al-Sadat alMuttaqin bi Sharh Ih,ya' 'Ulilm al-D'in 6:174)
This is due to the hadith
recorded by Imam Ibn Majah his Sunan from 'Utba ibn 'Abd al-Sulami (r) who relates that the Messenger
of Allah (sa)said:
"When any of you has sex
with the spouse, let him cover himself. One should not be completely naked like
the nakedness of two wild asses [mating in public]." (Sunan Ibn Majah 1921)The great hadith master (hafiz)
Zayn al-Din al-'Iraqi (may Allah have mercy on him) states that this hadith's
chain of transmission (isnad) is weak and unreliable (da'if). (See: Ithaf al-Sadat
al-Muttaqin bi Sharh Ihya' 'Ulilm al-D'in6:175)
Another hadith scholar Imam
Munawi states, "The command of covering in this hadith is one of
recommendation (istihbab), since by covering, one is showing respect to
Allah Most High and the angels. However, if one does become naked, it is not
unlawful, but rather somewhat disliked (makruh tanz'ih). (Fayd, al-Qad'ir
Sharh al-Jami' al Sagh'ir i :308)
In conclusion, it is somewhat
disliked, although permitted, for a couple to be completely naked even without
covering themselves with a sheet. However, if they were to cover themselves
with a sheet, there would be nothing wrong whatsoever, even if they were to
remove all of their clothes.
Foreplaycan take many forms,
and it is best left to the couple to discover what
stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however,
must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here:
1) Kissing
a) Kissing one's spouse is an
essential part of foreplay and a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa)Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)kissed one of his wives and then left for prayer
without performing ablution." Urwa [the narrator from 'A'isha] says,
"I asked 'A'isha, "It must have been you?" [Upon hearing this] 'A'isha
smiled."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 86, Sunan Abi Dawud 181 and Sunan
al-Nasa'i 170)
This hadith indicates that
kissing one's spouse is recommended, and it demonstrates the importance of
kissing one's wife whenever one enters or leaves the house. This was the Sunna
of the beloved Messenger of Allah (sa)and it is inappropriate for a man to leave his house without
greeting his wife affectionately with kisses or to return home questioning
first whether the food is ready, or whether someone had called!
Passionate kissing (or French
kissing) is also a Sunna of the Messenger of Allah (sa)Sayyida 'A'isha (r) relates that:
'The Messenger of Allah (sa)would kiss her whilst he was fasting, and he would
suck on her tongue."
(Sunan Ab'i Dawud 2378)
[Note that according to the Hanafi
and most other jurists, kissing one's spouse passionately to the point that it
results in the exchange of saliva invalidates one's fast, necessitating both a
make-up (qada) fast and expiation (kaffara). (Maraq'i al Falah, P:
667). As far as this hadith is concerned, in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) kissed his wife passionately whilst
fasting, scholars explain that, firstly, the Messenger of Allah (sa) would ensure not to swallow her
saliva. The sucking on the tongue was very restrained and not to the point
where saliva was exchanged and swallowed. Secondly, it is possible to interpret
it, so that sucking on the tongue is not connected to fasting. As such, the
meaning of the hadith is that the Messenger of Allah (sa) would kiss Sayyida
'A'isha (r) whilst he was fasting, and normally
when he kissed her, he would kiss her passionately and suck on her tongue (but
not necessarily whilst fasting). (See: Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Fath al-Bar'i 4:195
and Khalil Ahmad Saharanpuri, Badhi al-Majhud fihal Abi Dawud 11 :202-203)]
In this way, both spouses
should kiss each other passionately during foreplay, and there is nothing wrong
if saliva is exchanged. Licking or sucking each other's tongues is not only
allowed, but a Sunna of the beloved of Allah (sa). One may also suck the lower or upper lip of one's spouse. Biting
softly on the lip is also allowed, provided the spouse is not hurt or harmed by
it.
b) Kissing is not restricted to
the lips and mouth. One may also kiss other parts of the body such as the
cheeks, forehead, tip of the nose, behind the ear or suck on the earlobe, the
eyelid, back of the neck, palm of the hand, fingers, wrist, forearm, waist,
stomach, navel, chest and breast, spine, behind the knees, thighs and the leg.
In other words, it is permitted to shower one's spouse with kisses all over.
Just as kissing these body parts is permitted, it is likewise allowed to lick
them.
As for the area close to the
genitalia, one must ensure that no impurity comes into contact with the mouth,
since consuming impurities is explicitly forbidden. It is best to avoid getting
too close to the genital area with the mouth. This will be explained in more
detail in the section pertaining to "oral sex" Insha' Allah.
c) Biting or sucking hard on
one's spouse's body can leave marks, or love bites, particularly on the neck.
These bruises are the result of burst blood vessels beneath the skin and last
between 4 to 5 days, depending on the individual.
From an Islamic perspective,
public display of affection is not permitted. Likewise, anything that hints at
a sexual encounter is frowned upon. Islam emphasises modesty and dignity, and
prohibits acts that could lead to immorality.
Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)passed by a man of the Ansar who was reprimanding his brother
regarding shyness (haya), so the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"Leave him, for modesty is
from faith (iman)." (Sahih al-Bukhari 24)
Sayyiduna Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (r) relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa)said:
"The most evil of people
in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his
wife and she has sex with him, then he reveals her secret."
(Sahih
Muslim 1437)
Based on this, if a love bite
is left on a part of the body that is normally covered, such as the stomach or
back, then this is permitted. However, leaving a mark on an exposed area so
that people can conclude what took place between the spouses is not permitted.
If a mark is left on the neck, proper care must be taken to cover it until the
mark disappears. It is contrary to Islam to show off that their spouse left a mark on
their body. This is unlawful behaviour.
d) Kissing, licking, sucking and
generally fondling the wife's breasts is not only permitted, but is one of the
most effective ways of sexually arousing her. As such, the husband should not
neglect this.
However, according to the Hanafi
School, contrary to some other Schools, a man is not permitted to drink his
wife's milk, and it is sinful to do so intentionally. Imam Haskafi states,
"It (milk) is a part of a human being and to make use of it without a real
need to do so is unlawful." (Radd al-Muhtar 3:211)
This indicates that deriving
benefit in any manner from a part of a human being without a genuine need is
unlawful. The baby's drinking of the mother's milk is an exception, based on
textual permission, due to the real need (darura) to do so. Consequently, if the wife has
milk in her breasts and it is feared that milk will enter the mouth, then the
husband should avoid sucking on them. Whilst sucking, if milk does enter the
mouth, it is necessary to spit it out straight away.
It is important to note that while it is unlawful to
drink one's wife's milk intentionally, one's marriage is not affected by it.
Some individuals mistakenly believe that drinking the wife's milk nullifies the
marriage. The rulings of suckling (raqa' a), which would entail the
woman becoming a foster-mother, apply only to children who are breastfed in the
period designated for it, and are of no significance after this. Sayyida 'A'isha
(r) relates:
"Once the Messenger of Allah
(sa)entered my house whilst a man was with me. He said,
"O 'A'isha! Who is this?" I replied, "My foster brother."
He said, "O 'A'isha! Be careful in determining who your foster-brother is,
for suckling is only valid if it takes place in the suckling period."
(Sahih
al-Bukhar'i 2504 & Sah'ih Muslim 1455, the wording is of Bukhar'i
)
Based on this hadith, all four Sunni
schools of Islamic law agree that suckling and milk given to an adult is of
no significance and does not establish anything. (Al-Mughni" 9:201-202)
Finally, the wife may also kiss
and suck on her husband's chest and nipples. There is no Shari'a restriction in
this regard.
e) The question of eating or licking
food off the spouse's body is often asked. There is no doubt that this practice
is contrary to Islamic etiquettes, morality and religious propriety. Food
should not be consumed directly with the mouth, but rather one should use one's
hand. In addition, there are many etiquettes and Sunnas related to
eating that cannot be fulfilled. Food is a blessing (ni’ma) from Allah Most High, and the Shari'a prescribes
many etiquettes when eating, such as uttering the name of Allah when starting,
thanking Allah when finished, eating what is directly in front of one, eating
with one's right hand, not eating whilst resting against something and so on.
As such, disrespecting food in any
way, including placing it on the body especially close to places that may be impure,
is contrary to Islamic teachings. One should avoid this practice altogether,
since there are many other ways of enjoying foreplay that are in accordance with the etiquettes and noble
manners of Islam.
