Massaging and Caressing - Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

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Foreplay can take many forms, and it is best left to the couple to discover what stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however, must be avoided. Nevertheless, some general guidelines are presented here: 

1) Kissing

2) Massaging and Caressing

a) As part of foreplay, both spouses should gently massage, caress and stroke each other's bodies, since this is an effective way of arousing sexual desires. One may stroke and sensually massage all areas of the body, including the hands, shoulders, back, stomach, thighs, legs and the feet. This may be done with a lubricant such as oil or talc.

In a hadith recorded by Shaykh 'Ali al-Muttaqi al-Hindi in his Kanzal-' Ummal the Messenger of Allah (sa) is reported to have said:

"When a man glances at his wife and she glances at him [with love and affection], Allah Most High looks at them with mercy. When he holds her hand [with love and affection], their sins fall from the gaps between their fingers." (Kanz al-' Ummal.fi Sunan al-Aqwalwa'l-Afal 44437 with a weak chain of transmission)

Both spouses should explore each other's "erogenous zones", areas of heightened sexual sensitivity in the body. The location of these areas varies with the individual and can include any part of the body, but there are common erogenous zones that exist in most people. The penis in men and the clitoris in women are both sensitive erogenous zones.

Areas of heightened sensitivity include the ears, the nape, the breasts and nipples, the inside of the thighs, behind the knees, the buttocks, the soles of the feet, toes and obviously the male and female genital areas. One should gently massage and stroke these areas to sexually arouse one's spouse. Be mindful that giving pleasure to one's spouse is an act of virtue, for which one will be rewarded, Insha' Allah.

b) There is nothing wrong in touching, stroking and fondling the genitals of one's spouse. In fact, as part of foreplay, it is encouraged to stroke and play with each other's private parts. The wife may stroke her husband's penis, while the husband may fondle her vagina. It is an effective means of preparing one's spouse for sexual intercourse. In this regard, it is important to stimulate the woman's clitoris, a small sensitive and erectile part of the female genitals at the front of the vagina, as this will result in a more profound sexual response.

It is stated in Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, a renowned Hanafi Fiqh reference work, that Imam Abu Yusuf said, "I asked Imam Abu Hanifa regarding a man who strokes his wife's vagina and she strokes his penis in order that he get an erection, do you see any wrong in that?" He replied, "No, rather I am confident that one will be rewarded for doing so." (Al­Fatawa al-Hindiyya 5:328. The same has been recorded by Imam Khatib  al-Shirbini of the Shafi'i School in his Mughni al-Muhtaj 3:181)

c) Moreover, it is permissible for the husband to use his hands and fingers to make his wife reach orgasm, and likewise the wife to use her hands to masturbate her husband. It is particularly encouraged for the husband to practice this on his wife, since women take longer to reach an orgasm.

The renowned Hanafi jurist, Imam Ibn 'Abidin, clearly states the permissibility of mutual masturbation between the spouses in his Radd al-Muhtar. He states quoting Miraj al-Diraya, "And it is permitted to masturbate with the hand of one's wife." (Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 2:399)

Imam Ibn 'Abidin details the difference between this and masturbating with one's own hand, which is clearly forbidden. In the former case, one is satisfying oneself with that which is permissible to gain satisfaction from, namely a part of one's spouse, and one is entitled to seek sexual satisfaction from her entire body, whereas in the latter case, one is not. He notes that the prohibition of masturbating with one's own hand likewise applies to masturbating with one's own thighs, a wall or any other object. (Ibid)

In the chapter pertaining to legal punishments (kitab al-hudud), the author of the original work Al-Durr al-Mukhtar states, "If a man allows his wife to stroke his penis and he ejaculates, it is disliked but there is nothing on him." Commenting on this, Imam Ibn 'Abidin, explains that dislike here means "slightly disliked (karaha tanzih)" without it being sinful, and then refers to what he discussed earlier in the chapter of fasting that it is permitted to masturbate with the hand of one's wife. (Radd al-Muhtar 4:27)

Based on this reasoning and the explicit text mentioned above concerning the permissibility of a man masturbating with his wife's hand, it can be concluded that the reverse is also permissible, namely the wife masturbating with the husband's hand.

Imam Ghazali of the Shafi'i School also permits the husband being masturbated with his wife's hands. (See: lthaf al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi Sharh Ahya' 'Ulum al-Din 6:1 79)

d) As for the spouses looking at each other's private parts, this is also, by and large, permitted in all Schools, though superior to avoid. Through the union of marriage, Shari'a permits both the husband and wife to glance at any part of each other's bodies, which includes the private parts.

Sayyiduna Bahz ibn Hakim (r) says that my father related to me from my grandfather [Mu'awiya ibn Hayda], who said, "I said, O Messenger of Allah! Which of our nakedness is allowed to be exposed, and of which must we be careful?" The Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"Guard your nakedness (awra) except from your wife or your slave­woman .... "  

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2769 and Sunan Ibn Majah 1920)

Imam 'Abd al-Razzaq al-San'ani: in his Al-Musannaf and Imam Tabarani’i in his Al-Mu'jam al-Kabir both record a hadith related by Sa'd ibn Mas'ad al-Kindi (r) who says:

"Uthman ibn Mazun (r) came to the Messenger of Allah (sa) and said, "O Messenger of Allah! I feel shy that my wife sees my nakedness (awra)." The Messenger of Allah (sa) said, "Why should that be when Allah has made you a garment for them and them a garment for you ... "   

(Al-Musannaf 6:8 5 and Al-Muj"am al-Kabir 9:37)

Imam Burhan al-Din al-Marghinani of the Hanafi School states in his work Al-Hidaya that a man may look at the private parts of his wife since it is permitted for him to look at her whole body, with and without desire (shahwa). He mentions that this ruling is based on the hadith in which the Messenger of Allah (sa) said, "Lower your gaze except from your slave-woman and wife" and also on the fact that touching the wife's private parts and sex are both permitted, hence merely looking is even more worthy of being permitted. However, he says, it is superior for each of the spouses to avoid looking at the other's private parts. (Al-Hidaya 4:461)

It is stated in Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya that 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (r) would say, "It is better for the husband to look at his wife's private parts during sex, so that it helps in achieving full gratification." (Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya 5:328. Imam 'Ayni states that this report is not authentically established from Ibn 'Umar. See: Radd al-Muhtar 'ala 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 6:367)

Imam Khatib al-Shirbini of the Shafi'i School also mentions the permissibility of looking at the spouse's private parts but mentions, that it is disliked to do so without need. He then quotes Sayyida 'A'isha (r) who said, "I never saw the private parts of the Messenger of Allah (sa) and he never saw mine." (Recorded by Ibn Majah in his Sunan 1922, Imam Abmad in his Musnad and others)

He further states that the hadith, "Looking at private parts may result in blindness" is deemed weak (qa'if) or fabricated (mawdu’) by the scholars of hadith, such as Imam Ibn Hibban and Imam Ibn al­Jawzi." (Mughni al-Muhtaj 3:181)

The Maliki and Hanbali schools also agree with the Hanafi and Shafi'i position on the permissibility of looking at the private parts of one's spouse. (Al-Mughni 7:458 for the Hanbali School, and Hashiya al-Dasuqi 'ala'l-Sharh, al-Kabir 2:341 for the Maliki School)

e) Finally, it is permitted for both spouses to be completely naked. Shaykh Muhammad Kan'an, a contemporary scholar, writes in his book Al-Mu'ashra al-Zawjiyya, "It is inappropriate for a husband to have sex with his wife whilst they are both wearing clothes. Rather, it is better for both spouses to be naked before sex even if completely, for this is better for them [ ... ]" (P: 64)

It is stated in Al Fatawa al-Hind'iyya quoting Hanafi Scholars that it is allowed for the couple to be naked during sex if they are within their room [i.e. no one is able to see them]. (Al-Fatawa al-Hindzyya 5:328)

Scholars mention, however, that the couple should place a cover or sheet over their naked bodies. Imam Ghazali states, 'The husband should place a sheet over himself and his wife." (See: lthaf al-Sadat al­Muttaqin bi Sharh Ih,ya' 'Ulilm al-D'in 6:174) 

This is due to the hadith recorded by Imam Ibn Majah his Sunan from 'Utba ibn 'Abd al-Sulami (r) who relates that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said:

"When any of you has sex with the spouse, let him cover himself. One should not be completely naked like the nakedness of two wild asses [mating in public]."  (Sunan Ibn Majah 1921) The great hadith master (hafiz) Zayn al-Din al-'Iraqi (may Allah have mercy on him) states that this hadith's chain of transmission (isnad) is weak and unreliable (da'if). (See: Ithaf al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi Sharh Ihya' 'Ulilm al-D'in6:175)

Another hadith scholar Imam Munawi states, "The command of covering in this hadith is one of recommendation (istihbab), since by covering, one is showing respect to Allah Most High and the angels. However, if one does become naked, it is not unlawful, but rather somewhat disliked (makruh tanz'ih). (Fayd, al-Qad'ir Sharh al-Jami' al­ Sagh'ir i :308)

In conclusion, it is somewhat disliked, although permitted, for a couple to be completely naked even without covering themselves with a sheet. However, if they were to cover themselves with a sheet, there would be nothing wrong whatsoever, even if they were to remove all of their clothes.

Source: Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

To Be Continued....