READ DISCLAIMER BEFORE PROCEEDING
3 SEXUAL RELATIONS: HOW OFTEN?
WE HAVE DISCUSSED the woman's
religious right to sexual relations, we will now examine in detail the
frequency with which a couple should engage in sexual activity through mutual
agreement, aside from the religious obligations and rights of each spouse.
The Shari'a does not fix a
specific limit or restriction on how often a couple may engage in sexual
activity, as the temperament, physique and sexual libido of each individual
varies considerably. As such, couples should mutually decide what is best suited for them.
There is no general set rule in this matter; the answer will vary from couple
to couple, keeping in mind the needs of both spouses.
However, Islam is a religion of
moderation and its adherents are encouraged to be moderate in all aspects
of life, since the best course is the middle course. An extremist tendency in
either direction is at odds with the spirit of Islam. Moderation permeates
every teaching of Islam, and even in sexual matters, moderation is the ideal
approach.
Complete celibacy or reducing
one's sexual activity to the bare minimum may be unhealthy. It is therefore unadvisable for a couple to abandon sex
altogether given the fact that Allah Most High has blessed them with a means of
fulfilling their sexual needs.
Similarly, excessive sex is
likely to be harmful to one's health. Faqih Abu 'l-Layth al-Samarqandi relates
in his Al-Bustan from Sayyiduna 'Ali (r) that, "Whoever is desirous of a long healthy life should eat
in the mornings and evenings, avoid taking loans, abstain from walking around
bare-footed, and desist from having sex excessively." (Qanun-eMubasharat
P: 16)
Note that this advice is not a
Shari'a ruling, but rather a piece of general advice. It is advisable in this regard to consult a specialist
should one be concerned about one's personal situation.
Some scholars recommend having
sex once a week and consider this to fall within the ambit of moderation. They
base their position on the hadith related by Aws ibn Aws al-Thaqafi (r) that the Messenger of Allah (s) said:
"Whoever causes [his
spouse] to bathe and bathes himself on Friday, then goes out early [for Friday
prayers], walks and does not ride, and takes his seat close to the imam and
listens attentively, and does not indulge in futility, will earn the reward of
a year's fasting and praying at night for every step he takes." (Sunan
Abi Dawud 349 & Sunan al-Nasa'i 1381, the wording is of Abu Dawud)
In this hadith, the Messenger
of Allah (s) uses the phrase, "man ghassala"
which translates literally as "whoever bathes another" or ''whoever
causes another to bathe." Imam Suyuti (may Allah have mercy on him)
interprets this statement in his commentary of Sunan al-Nasa'i where he
says, " ... And it is said that the meaning of ghassala (bathes another
or causes another to bathe) means he has sex with his spouse before leaving for
[Friday] prayers, because this will aid him in lowering his gaze on the way ...
" (Sunan al-Nasa'i bi Sharah al-Suyuti 3:95)
Imam Ibn Qudama states: 'The
meaning of the Messenger of Allah's (s) statement "man ghassala wa igtasala" is that he
has sex with his wife and then takes a bath." (Al-Mughni 2:201)
Accordingly, one of the
meanings of this hadith is that whoever has sex with his wife on Friday and
so takes a bath himself and causes his wife to take a bath, and puts into
practice the other actions mentioned, will earn the reward of a year's fasting
and praying at night for every step he takes to Friday prayers.
Because Friday comes once every
week, these scholars consider that having sex once a week is recommended and in
line with the spirit of moderation.
In conclusion, moderation is
the golden rule. Having sex too often can be exhausting and unhealthy, whilst abandoning
sex altogether or reducing it to a bare minimum may also be damaging and
unhealthy. Couples should negotiate what is an achievable goal for them in
terms of sexual activity so that they may settle on a level that is mutually
satisfactory. The best way to achieve this is through honest and respectful discussion.
That way, sex will be more fulfilling for both spouses, Insha’ Allah.
To Be Continued....
No comments:
Post a Comment